I can't cut
No more
No
No
No
I promised

But the feelings are so strong
Overflowing me
I need them to pour down my arm
And out of my body

I can't
I can't be that weak
I just need to breathe
...
My lungs fail me

But no
No
No
I can't reach for it
Not allowed
Not anymore
Done with that, right?
I really just want to grab the knife
Razor
Needle
Anything
And end this misery
At least soothe it a little

But no
No
No
No
I can't

Happiness is no manna
falling from heaven
you've to work at it
over and over again

I know
I'm small
puny
but this doesn't
hold me captive:
I'm still free
and nothing
is lost

size doesn't count
and I've seen
the big and strong
in life's ocean
being hit
and tossed
felled
rendered helpless

I'm tiny
in comparison
with the rest
but not small
in heart
or spirit:
my own flag
I raise
my song
I sing
to the remotest
I dare travel
the highest mountain
I scale
the sea
most treacherous
I sail
fearlessly-
and upon
my last breath
to my life
I raise proudly
a  resounding toast.