Let it be yours ,
Unless it harms you ,
Let it be yours ,
Unless it pains you ,
Let it be yours ,
Unless your mind and heart aches ,

Ignorance can equal pain ,
but happiness can equal everything.

I panic about panicking
I worry about my future worries
And yet when I look at you
This almost fades .

Almost , because while you are a beacon
You don't quench these thoughts , fears , worries
You calm them .

The green hues of your eyes , the warmth in your voice
The way you pronounce 'sun'

You are everything and nothing at the same time
You provide solace and a world of pain
You are lovely

I hope you find love in anything and everything,
I hope you find a love you are inexplicably nervous about,
I hope you find a love that changes all of your preconceived ideas , everything you were raised to believe was true , everything your beautiful brain couldn't handle,
I hope you learn how to dance , we all know you lack a little thing called rhythm ,
I truly hope you move past this phase of crippling self consciousness, awfully low self esteem and everything horrid in between ,
But what I hope for you more than anything is just happiness , pure unadulterated happiness , the kind you can see in your eyes , whether that be with someone or alone .
That's all I've ever wanted for you .

I miss your smile ,
The look you would give me when you were confused yet happy,
A look that to this day my description could not do justice to ,
Now there are more reminders of you ,
Everywhere ,
I swear they are out to get me .

I miss your laugh ,
Not all the time ,
Just on those long nights when I'm sick of everyone.

But I don't miss you ,
I miss little things you did ,
Little actions ,
Little phrases ,
But not you .

You see , there's someone new .
He gives me that look ,
He has a weird laugh,
In many ways he reminds me of you and that's both comforting and terrifying ,
I am still unsure about him so please do not fret .

I promise I won't ask you to step in with this one .

I don't know whether I'm happy or sad about what we've been through,
The moments we shared ,
Sometimes they sneak in and take comfort in the crevices of my brain,
It hurts.

But I can't decide whether its a happy or sad pain,
The kind that evokes a chuckle or the kind that could drive me to tears.

I do not wish for change ,
I don't wish we had continued on our little path to 'happiness',
You always told me you did ,
Those late nights when you would tell me everything,
The nights that your confessions made me cry purely because I had longed to hear those words,
The nights that birthed this unruly , unnatural pain.

It hurts in a way I can't describe ,
But I can feel it like a weight on my chest every so often ,
Checking in to see if I've forgotten.

Today I caught myself staring into space thinking about how you could've loved me once .
I wonder why my naivety created that thought .
Nothing reminds me of you more than staring at the mirror , there's something so oddly comforting about gaining your attention even for a few minutes .
But I crave those minutes , for those are when I feel loved .

Sometimes the world provides you with beautiful sights ,
Like the sky in mid spring ,
The way the dark blue of the clouds contrast the silhouettes of the trees in the early evening ,
The gentle breeze mixed with the harsh lights,
Beautiful sights like these are ones worth documenting ,
They provide something of a reminiscence for times when the world is quiet.