today, i was treated than less than human.
i don't think i deserved it.
maybe i did.
working in the service industry.
however, i don't think
that i should be yelled at
for something i cannot control,
like how the store is laid out,
how the store's 'flow' is
and how much more effecient
it would be
to have it go in the other direction.
did i deserve that?
to be told my store is a
fire hazard
because we only have one door
and the flow isn't
how the gentleman wanted it,
thought it should be,
how he thought it should be.
he yelled because we did not
have a sign to say
where the line started.
he yelled at me for
district's number.
yelled at me,
demanding district's number,
continued to yell
while my coworker got him district's number.
i asked if there was anything else i could do.
today, i was treated less than human.
today, i feared that i would be injured,
even more so than i have been,
all because someone hated something
that was
out
of
my
control.

you're rough in some areas
like when you don't shave
or when you're frustrated
i don't mind though
i enjoy the scruff
and i hold your hand
you compliment me
you calm me down
when i am emotional
you lift me up
when i am emotional
(i'm sorry that i feel so much)
you have been there for me
helping me along
even when i was limping
struggling to make progress
you're with me now
now that i run
that i am soaring
and you, wonderful you
are right beside me
you have been there for me
since day one
it's been a year
officially one year
since i let you in
truly let you in
you've seen me at my worst
and i've seen you at yours
that hasn't made me love you
any less, only more
you, my love
have been there
and i cannot tell you enough
(or so it feels to me)
how grateful i am to you
for sticking by me
for loving me
for supporting me
for simply being you
thank you
thank you
thank you
i love you
i love you
i love you
(that still doesn't feel like enough
even though it's there
in black and white)

i know what i signed up for, working in the service industry, more specifically working as a barista.
maybe i didn't really know
(despite being told for years that i would make a great barista)
i had no idea what was in store
there's good and bad days
with the good outweighing the bad
there's customers who i am getting to know
names and orders standing out to me
there's the pet names i get called
'sweetie, sweetheart, darling, dear'
there's the customers who would rather
stare at their screens than give me
even a second of eye contact
making me feel a little less than a person
there are those who smile and say
how bubbly i am to them
and how they can't understand why
i can be so happy at 4 in the morning
(i don't either but i continue to do so)
there's the customers who talk on the phone
while placing their order
only adding to the chaos during a rush
there are the customers who take a second
pause and tell me their order
before going back to their phone call
there are two sides to every customer
two sides to every interaction
there are always good and bad days
however, it is the good
that always outweighs the bad

Little girl
You've grown this past year
Heart broken and mended
Traveling and moving
Traded pines for palms
Friends lost and gained
Depression diagnosed
You've been through much
Laughed and loved
Cried and crashed
Fought and faltered
Now you're 21
Biggest milestone so far
You're an adult in age alone
Constantly mistaken for 12
How do you feel?
Scared, excited?
Ready for this next year?
Or completely terrified?
You've made it this far
No choice but continue on
With hope in your heart
With love filling your soul
With springs in your step
With strength on your side
Happy birthday to you
Or shall I say
Happy birthday to me

Today is World Mental Health Day.
I never thought I would celebrate it.
I never thought anything was wrong with me
(Can you even say something is wrong?)
On the outside, there I am:
Strong, carefree, smiling, laughing
On the inside?
That’s a different story.
Weak, worrying, whimpering, crying.
I hid it as well as I could,
Cracking when the pressure was too much.
That pressure, that weight,
I put it upon myself.
Over and over and over,
I kept telling myself,
Just one more day.
Just one more day.
Just one more day.
Over and over and over.
Nothing is wrong.
You’re just hurting.
You’re just broken.
I didn’t know how broken I was.
Not until I was diagnosed.
I started crying when I was told.
I was broken.
It wasn’t just in my head.
It was and it wasn’t.
I took the tests.
I got my meds.
I started getting better.
Today? I’m still healing.
I’m still working on getting better.
Life has knocked me down,
More than I had hoped,
In my 20, almost 21, years.
It just makes me stronger.
I realize that now.
I’m stronger than I was.
I’m happier than I was.
I’m still struggling.
Who isn’t?
I am depressed.
I will not let that define me.
I will not let that become me.
Depression is a part of me.
It is not me.
It does not fully make up me.
I am still me.
Jenna Elizabeth Friesen.
Strong.
(Even if I don’t feel like it)
Happy.
(There is bad with the good)
Living and loving life,
For once.
For once in a long time,
I can say that I want life.
I relish it.
That is me beating depression.
That is me beating that part,
That part of myself.

Ha. And I haven't been suicidal? That I had scars that faded. That I haven't been through hell and back with a smile on my face? That I haven't seen my fair share of hurt and pain? That I have had so many moment where I've been suicidal. That I've had moments where I seriously thought about swallowing a bottle of bathroom cleaner. That I was monitored as I flushed tramadol down the toilet so I wouldn't overdose. I've been through hell and I've learned how to be strong. There are moments where my armor cracks and I'm left with heartache but I sober up and continue on my way. That I have to be strong. That I'm always going to have love on my side and when I don't have strength and energy, I look to those who I love