i want to drink my sadness down
smoke away the pain and kiss until
i can no longer remember what i was
trying to forget

i want to feel something other than
this heavy pressure on my chest that
continues to grow stronger filling with
more burdens that will one day suffocate
me

now i am quietly waiting for
the catastrophe of my personality
to seem beautiful again,
and interesting, and modern.

and i think the
saddest thing
is how it is so much
easier
to just not say
anything
at
all.

WHO CARES HOW HIGH I FILL THE
BATH WATER WHEN I'M ALREADY IN
OVER MY HEAD I DON'T REMEMBER
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SLEEP NO
MATTER HOW OFTEN I SAY I AM
GOING TO BED AND DON'T *******
TOUCH ME BECAUSE I'LL PROBABLY
SHATTER AND FOR GOD'S SAKE
DON'T ASK ME WHAT IS THE MATTER

flowers for my moon

when i reach my flowers
i will lay down in them
i will laugh and roll and cry in
my tears will water my flowers
as i fill myself with them
forever
like my moon flowers
beautiful i will
forever be.

you see things.

you understand.  

you're a wallflower.

"some days
i can't stop
thinking
about you, and
other days
i wonder why
i'm wasting
my time."

"where are these scars from", he asks.

                                                                        "they're battle wounds," i replied.

"who were you battling?"

                                                                                                                    "myself"

i'm fine

if i was your star, then you were my sky
if i was your answer, then you were my why
if i was you flower, then you were my trees
if i was your river, then you were my sea

i always loved you more

than you did me

we are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.  
we are prisoners of our minds
with no escape but the inevitable death
we live in the land of misfits
we’re surrounded by a bundle of tantrums

*you didn't fix me, you just changed the part of me that is broken.

i dont wanna be with somebody else
              besides you

it's funny how
these monsters in our heads
that only come out at night
are nothing more than notions
ideas that we created ourselves
thoughts we let grow
and conclusions we come to
and it's scary how
every day they hide
in the shadows
but the night is one big shadow
and every night
there they are
clear as day
so here we are
it's 4 am and i'm alone again
and these monsters in my head
are crawling beneath my bed

you fashioned
a warm cloak
out of the darkness
your pain
slowly vanished
into the brightness

nothing haunts us like
the things we don't say

these violent delights
have violent ends.

"it's going to be alright"

"how do you know?"
"how do you know if it's going to get better?"
"you don't know me."

"because i love you"
"and i will never let you go,"
"no matter what happens,"
"i will always love you"
"and stay by your side"

i am a paradox
i am neither happy
nor am i sad.


                                                                                           i smile at pretty things
                                                                                     and laugh at funny things







                               but late at night i become
                               a mess of emotions and thoughts
                               and i wish i could just disappear

we were
just friends
that spoke like lovers
and that seemed to be enough for
two teenagers who were scared to love one
another.

i weave my feelings
into clouds of words,
which then form into
strings of memories
that we had experienced

i wear the sweater that
i had made out of my
feelings, words, and
memories of what we
used to be.

l
                                                               ­ l o
                                                            l  ­o v e l y
                                                          l o n e l y
                                                       l o v e l y
                                                    l o n e l y
                                                 l o v e l y
                                              l o n e l y
                                           l o v e l y
                                       l  o n e l y
                                                 l y
                                                y

they told me
i was too young
to let the world
break me

i told them
i was too young
to stop the world
from breaking me

you don't get to decide who lives or who dies

late night frustration

searching for something to write

black paper mocks me

3am or 3pm, i wanna talk to you.

the warmth of your fingertips
leaves a trace on my shivering back,

through the dimly lit room,
with slow, cold air blowing from
the open window.  

butterflies fly in my stomach,
my cheeks heating up to a rosy shade.

the promises we made
disappeared

                                                                                              with the time we
                                                                                                  spent together