finders keepers



loosers weepers

if it feels good

      if it tasted good*

             *it must be mine

I don’t want an end, I just want a new beginning

i would destroy
myself to fix you

why can't you be here

you have so much rare potential
to be decent in this corrupt world.

i could teach you a thing or two
about living in this chaos.

i'd love to see your eyes
spark with new knowledge.

like a raging fire,
intense, surreal, beautiful.

.                 cur              f              w                 d               dis              and p
    A                sed          iend         rought       eath             ease                 ain.
               bles              fr               b                 br           and                     ag

"we're weirdos,
                           *and that's who we are.
*and it's fine."

tonight
i came home
drunk
not on beer
not *****
or wine
or any sort of alcohol
but on* your lips
only
which drove me away
from this place
even if it was
*for a few minutes

i don't want to get drunk with you
because i'm terrified
of saying all the words
i swallow down
while sober

love me like you do*
               *like you do

come back to me, i need you here,*
                                                   *here in my life

i stopped chasing
when i knew it
was pointless;
and the paths you'd take me
were endless.

i stopped chasing
because
you would always pretend
like i caught you
and then make me play tag
all over again.

but you would always
make your own rules
so i would never catch you.

i never had a chance.
i never would have won,
anyways.

i'm sorry for breaking your heart

but you seem to not care anymore

i'm at a payphone,
                trying to call home

     *all of my change i spent on you

                              where have the times gone,

                                        baby, it's all wrong
                       *where are the plans we made for two?

hello?
       *it's me

   i was wondering if after all this time, you'd like to meet

          to go over,
                             everything

      *they say that time's supposed to heal ya,

I THINK IF YOYU AND MY STOMACH CHURNS
BUT NOT IN THE BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY WAY,
ITS MORE LIKE A SWIRLING TORNADO STORMING
IN MY SOUL AND DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN
ITS PATH

she started

drinking liquor

again because

everything tastes

sweeter without

conscious thoughts

attached.

before you **** yourself,
just remember
that there are
places you have not been
and things you have not seen.
and poems to awe
art to draw
fields to walk through,
people to talk to,
music to take in,
games to win,
and books to be read.

so why,
oh why
do you wish
to be dead?

the trees did not complain
the day we carved our initials
into their calloused skin

and isn't it sad that something
so beautiful would put up with
that pain for a love that
would not last?

i took one shot

every time i wanted to open my skin

it burned
                                                                                                               my throat

instead of

                                                                                                                my wrist

but after i spoke to you

i think i would've been better off bleeding

.




                 black balloons




                                                 in your eyes

                          tell me

                          that

                                                                  floating

is underrated.

i wish you would say my name

           just to hear how it sounds
             (from those lips)
                        (your lips)


; i wonder how i taste
           (like coffee, or rain?)


                        and if you'd say it again
                           (and roll me on your tongue)
                    , whispering at the delicacy.





                                                                                     (you taste like cinnamon.)

whether it's
alcohol
drugs
self harm
or whatever

"just three"
always turns into
"just six"
which turns into
"just twenty"

and before you know it
you''re in too deep
you can't even control it
your own mind

you just
cut
drink
smoke
purge

and i cannot be stopped

nothing
is like
i                           think        it

                 is
                i         never     imagined           anger

        is the machine that kills

WHO CARES HOW HIGH I FILL THE
BATH WATER WHEN I'M ALREADY IN
OVER MY HEAD I DON'T REMEMBER
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SLEEP NO
MATTER HOW OFTEN I SAY I AM
GOING TO BED AND DON'T *******
TOUCH ME BECAUSE I'LL PROBABLY
SHATTER AND FOR GOD'S SAKE
DON'T ASK ME WHAT IS THE MATTER

i want to drink my sadness down
smoke away the pain and kiss until
i can no longer remember what i was
trying to forget

i want to feel something other than
this heavy pressure on my chest that
continues to grow stronger filling with
more burdens that will one day suffocate
me

if i was your star, then you were my sky
if i was your answer, then you were my why
if i was you flower, then you were my trees
if i was your river, then you were my sea

i always loved you more

than you did me

"it's going to be alright"

"how do you know?"
"how do you know if it's going to get better?"
"you don't know me."

"because i love you"
"and i will never let you go,"
"no matter what happens,"
"i will always love you"
"and stay by your side"

i can drink until i forget how

to walk

talk

and what my name is

but there's not enough alcohol

on the planet

to make me

forget

about

you

the day i leave this town
i won't know what to do

because, like i,
this verse won't rhyme

when it's missing you

let me drown in the rain,
i hear the droplets hitting the roof
calling my name

so small and insignificant,
each drop is, just like myself
but together, thousands of drops
come together and create a storm

but for me, i only have myself
and my thoughts
that terrorise my dreams

so let me drown in the rain
and perhaps bring me to a new horizon,
or end my pain.

HE SAID MY GOD YOU ARE
PRETTY BUT MAN ARE YOU
DUMB* // YOU LET EVERYBODY
TREAT YOU LIKE A PIECE OF
GUM // HOW DOES IT FEEL TO
KNOW THAT EVERYONE //
WILL CHEW YOU RIGHT UP AND
SPIT YOU OUT WHEN THEY'RE
DONE *//

i dont wanna be with somebody else
              besides you

i want to get under your skin

when i say
those words
i am fat
other people stop
and ask
well what does that make me?
my warped thoughts
only apply
also the valleys and folds
of my own decaying body

to me--
you are beautiful

i lit blunts
and you drank whiskey
and the mix of smoke
and alcohol on our tongues
tasted like love
but when my lungs emptied
and your vision unblurred
we left each other
just as lonely as before

even though their mind is
clouded with the haze of alcohol,
they get into a car, to drive home,
feeling like they're invincible and
immortal, when

just a few seconds
later,

they're dead.

i went to a party, mom
i remembered what you said
you told me not to drink, mom
so i drank soda instead
i felt really proud inside, mom
the way you said i would
i didn't drink and drive, mom
even though the others said i should
i know i did the right thing, mom
i know you're always be right
now the party is finally ending, mom
as everyone drives out of sight
as i got into my car, mom
i knew id get home in one piece
because the way you raised me, mom
so responsible and sweet
i started to drive away, mom
but as i pulled onto the road,
the other car didn't see me, mom
and it hit me like a load
as i lie here on the pavement, mom
i hear a policeman say the other guy is drunk, mom
and now i'm the one who will pay
i'm lying here dying, mom
i wish you'd get here soon
how come this happened to me, mom?
my life burst like a balloon
there is blood all around me, mom
most of it is mine
i hear the paramedic say, ill be dead in a short time
i just wanted to tell you, mom
i swear i didn't drink
it was the others, mom, the others didn't think
he didn't know where he was going, mom
he was probably at the same party as i was
the only difference is, mom
he drank and i will die

why do people drink, mom?
it can ruin your whole life

i'm feeling sharp pains now, mom
pains just like a knife

the guy who hit me is walking, mom
i don't think it's fair

his laziness built
the pyramids

and
his solitude
was a
knife