The pernicious burn
Of self-distrust set aflame
The gothic sea
Recalls my scent
It pursues
Like a hungry ghost
Once more immersed
In the familiar waters
Of dolour

I can only say this to you
While you're sleeping
I drag a tremble
From another realm
Like pulling an endless string
From the throat
My head is a caged animal
Some kind of madness
Coiled around bone
I dangle at the edges
And borders of everything
That wilts
and
You
Say my name
As though you've found grace

Blooms to break
Like wildflowers
Corroding spine, brittle
Wrapped in debris
Clouds dissipating
between fervent hands
Precious transiency
Soil in my fingers, still
This unforgiving flood
Drowning me at sea.

Grief blooms to break
Like wildflowers
Corroding spine, brittle
Wrapped in debris
The visceral need to immortalise
This parenthesis in eternity
Clouds dissipating between fervent hands
Precious transiency
Colliding with undying longing
Soil in my fingers, still
This unforgiving tide
Drowning me at sea.

Tremulous hands
Severed fingers  
Hanging onto the edge
Of a blurred dream
Slowly turning into a nightmare

Reveries interrupted by
An atmosphere gone sour
Distorted realities
Doused in madness
Pity and fear
Of a poet well versed
In the art of self immolation

He is pain
He is light and love
Cocooned in his sublime presence
Hazel eyes that glimmer in daylight
I feel as though I'm to depart from this life
He possesses tenderness
in the way he moves and talks
A delicate man
He is pain
He is mine.

When she loves
She loves savagely
The man became God
Unalterable ardour
Not of this realm
Her soul.

The melody of desire
Haunts
And
Engulfs

Desire, admiration
For the one with a voice like nectar
Perfect for conveying emotion
Faultless and fluid

Ombre tresses flow over striking icy blues
Embracing an enigmatic countenance
And an abundance of nonchalance
Possessed by a beautiful human
The Gods quiver at the sight of him
The hero I revere.

That night
he held me
like a promise
he poured his guts
on the bed of the hotel room
his breath on my shoulder
this human
this beast of a man reduced to a coil
in my caring embrace
i understood
the molecules
of his nature

his revelations filled
the room with a heavy
stench of sadness
he told me, he loved me
in all his conviction
i know you don't love me
I said
i would later find out
he did, love me
in his own
silent
cruel
way

when we held hands
later that night
the artificial affection
i looked at him in awe still
i was so ever gladdened to bask in his glory
i watched him drive into the night
he is not the answer my faculties screeched
they all never were
this was madness
the pinnacle of circling
on the edge of the never-ending.

It was just yesterday
She had a dream
Then it flew away
On the floor
Overpowered
Melancholia is always in season

The thunderstorm inside her head refuses to come to a halt
The twisted voices are forever present
She fears they will remain with her until she decays

Swimming in the ocean of hopelessness

Her dreams are bleeding away from her
Giving rise to medicinal desires... Again

To turn off her humanity for a relaxed mind  
If only for a little while
Euphoria... dazzling colours like a rainbow after rain on a hot summer's day appear in front of her very eyes
Disassociation with her surroundings and her body, all that she craves
A ******* out like stepping into a jar of pale pink candy that later becomes a large gaping hole when it all wears off

She has abandoned the habit but she is tipping off the edge of a cliff
Anything can happen

The way he wears my name
On his lips
In between kisses,
Staggered speech,
tender embraces
And especially when he's laughing.

The embers of melancholy

Were eternally ablaze in their bones

So they would be reminded

Day by day

And never forget the severity of it

Lest the illusion of joy blinded them.

I do not want to be the shadow
Trailing in your wake
Grasping at your impalpable luminescence
Or the tremulous hands tugging
At the hem of your trousers  
I am moth. You are flame
The dying sun in my horizon
I can turn you into poetry
But I cannot make you love me.

Something in me won’t let me be
It rots in my viscera
The fusion of wretchedness
It persecutes
Seeking me in my safest haven

Re-birth of emotions
In bloom
Dismantling the foundations
Of a strong resolve
I no more possess

Night won’t let me sleep
Once more rebuffed by mirth
Deleted by the light
Hollering for design
In the confines of a cardboard box.

Ethereal drift
In the debauchery
Of dead devotion
Suffused with anarchy
No more
Hollowed out fervour
Fragmented
And carelessly
Stitched resolve
Awaken the inferno
Of ripened emotion
To set the core ablaze.

A desire doused in vermilion
The unquenchable thirst for the sweet fluid that pumps through your  veins
To the point where it enrages and cages

Engraving my name on your ribs so I'll be forever near your heart
Cradling your heart in my palm
To change the rhythm of it's beating so it grows fond of me

Don't shiver when I call out your name
I feed from you because
I know what's best for you
Can't you see you need me
You're nothing without me
Now hush! Let's go for a drive and kiss me at the tombs
Play with my hair some more, pull it out in clumps then choke me
I promise I'll beg for more

Soon we will be joined in matrimony
I picked out our song
A death metal number for our first dance
Infinity is you and I
I will wear my dress of doom
With the teeth of your former lovers as a necklace
You will wear your leather jacket and motorcycle boots
You will kneel and profess your undying love for me
If you ever leave me
I'll **** you
Because I love you

Assemble misaligned stars
To watch them fall
Doors open wide
Motionless
Captive
Of an invisible tether

Propelled by dreams  
Of holding the bended hands of time
In the palm of trembling hands
To return to a better place

Hovering in the corridors
Of uncertainty
Merciless rumination
psychosomatic ruin
Cowardly lioness
Once of intrepid spirit.

I am afraid of the way need
Grasps my very bones
I cannot contain this emergency
Screeching through the fissures of burgeoning intent
These irretrievables
Release and tighten
The elusive alchemy of balance
The havoc it wrecks on the senses
All these feet can do
Is chase the wind
Frail hand's outstretch
In the static of melancholy

The empress of self-preservation
****** to death by her own overpowering emotions,
How ironic.

"It was a dreary night of November
That I beheld
the accomplished of my toils
Remember that I am thy creature
I ought to be thy adam
But I am rather the fallen angel
that now drivest enjoy
for no misdeed
everywhere I see bliss
from which
from which
from which I alone, am irrevocably excluded
I was benevolent and good
misery made me a fiend
make me happy
and I, again shall be virtuous
but soon he cried
I shall die and what I now feel
be no longer felt
soon, these burning miseries
will be extinct
I shall ascend fume up higher
triumphantly
and exalt in the agony of the torturing flames
my spirit will sleep in peace
for if it thinks
It will  not surely think thus
Farewell."

The result seems so far removed from all of my efforts to get here
The chase has been accomplished, but....
The void is still unfilled
My head still full of thoughts
The darkness still drips in through the holes
Unsatisfaction
Sorrow still lingers
Why is it so
It's as though I have forgotten all that I put myself through, all my efforts

Weary of standing on the edge of this tight rope, it's getting old
I'm getting old(er)
At some point I have to let go of my conflictions but some things never fall away

My life at present is doing the exact opposite of falling apart
but I still am.

These feelings of hopelessness attack me constantly like a tidal wave
And when they do they leave me feeling like I’ll forever live my life being trivial.

It’s something I can’t explain
Like how the wind blows suddenly and violently and in it’s aftermath leaves nothing but pandemonium.

I feel overwhelmed by my own emotions.
My ability to control them diminishes everyday.

If my future is something that is in the cards and if it’s what I want it to be then I want it now.

This feeling of longing for distant places and different people is consuming me.
I long for a life I’ve never had…
Not something better… Something different.

I miss someone I have never met…
Someone I’m not sure even exists.

I can’t accept that this is all I’ll ever be.
There is a possibility that things will change and a possibility that it will stay the same.
The odds are it’ll get worse if I don’t stop digging myself into a bottomless pit.

I’m screaming silently only I can hear the harsh sounds of my stifled screams
The noise is deafening.

I feel like I’ve been falling off a cliff since the day I was born..
When will I finally slam onto the ground?! I’m not afraid anymore..
Maybe I need to reach an even lower rock bottom
before I can stop fighting myself

It comes and goes in gigantic waves and it leaves me feeling like I’ll never be more than this.

He softens my spirit
Sorely by being
Touch laced with prose
My bones delicate
Holding soothe
In the palm of his beautiful hands
Feeds it to me with reckless abandon
I know not where he has been
Nor where he is going
My very own path riddled in murk
Faithless destiny veiled in azaleas
I have worshipped in wrong alters
Built cathedrals with the bones
Of withered ghosts
The misspent vermilion on the floor
The way the darkness
Catapults a disappointed heart
Still, I love
It is for such, I agitate my heart.

I want to fall in love
With a man who knows
How to calm trembling hands
And kiss shy eyes.

I inhaled
It felt as though
I was breathing in sulphur
I exhaled and ached
Forever

I pondered the elusiveness of hope
How what remains of it
Flickers and fades
Always
I witnessed the castle
I built in the air disintegrate
Into a million particles of matter
Dreams do turn into dust

Swirling in a vortex
Of hopelessness and discontent
I cannot free myself from
In the centre of something mightier than who or what
I could ever be in any lifetime
I questioned the incomprehensible nature of life
And how I lost reason
In my feverish chase for excellence

I reached the finish line
Of an arduous journey
The applaud ceased
Eventually
Then everything
Was riddled with silence
I wept.

Aurora's resplendence aloft
Setting irises aglow
Ashen hazel
Erupting into stardust
Mirror of the soul drenched
In tenderness
Capturing the essence of perfection
Eyes like Jerusalem
Sublime in your bones
You bleed halcyon
Suffusing the bare with pigment

Transfixed in your delicate gaze
Fading in the kaleidoscope
Of your halo, anchored
A conduit replaying an echo
Of transient inhaled solace
A rapturous smile
Breaths life into corrupted lungs
Filling the darkest of dwellings
As though to lasso the moon
To present it at my feet

Vine dangles from fingertips
Moss coils around
These tired and desperate attempts
To quench the thirst of affirmation
Frenzy tapering into soothing complacency
All my intentions swallowed by the haze
Grasping at impalpable forevermore
The alluring unattainable
Maddening desire for lace
All my sacrificial longing carried to sea
Beings with dead devotion
The ghosts on the shore
Wash up at my feet.

When it falls apart it does not fall into pieces it turns into dust
And I am left with nothing to hold on to..
Nothing to re-assemble

I've grown weary of starting again, what's the point?
Nothing ever changes.
My mindset never changes

This chronic stagnation is more than I can bear.
Haunted by ghosts of irrational thoughts and emotions

I am standing in my own way.

Everything is leaking from the cracks of this sick foundation.
I've failed to contain my so called life..
I get back up and land on my knees and not on my feet.

Begging for the beast in me to set me free.

Sea of lava
Skin peeling from bone
Sempiternal purgatory
In diablo's abode
The realm of darkness
And disgust

Gazing at the abyss
The bellowing of a thousand
Doomed souls
Trembling bone

Soul left stained
By pervasion of impurity
Expunge these earthly sins
From conscious
Rinse these veins
Beautiful lethe

This independence they speak of seems like a myth
I dipped my toes  into the vast waters of the reality of life
Only to be overpowered by the immensity
Making me retreat back into this place
Where I have remained
Incarcerated inside of myself

Just a conglomerate of disorders
Inhibited by chemical imbalances
Needing constant reassurance
Like a child
Pathetic

My desire for nothing less than perfection outside of this unreality
making me cling on to apron strings
That should have been severed many a moon ago

Your words perforated my skin and like venom seeped into my veins
Motivation to peel skin from the bone

I once wore these emotional scars as scales on skin, used them as armour
Now I wear them like a noose around my neck

Weak

A little landslide and I fall off the cliff

I recollect the darkest of days
They drained the emotion in me,
Drained ME

Dead-eyed... so innocent
I hold my breath and wait for this turmoil to pass
I fear it will remain with me until I depart
Emptiness will always be empty
Darkness will always be dark
The dark always prevails, devouring the light
Devouring me

Lungs inflate
The whistle of the biting wind
Hauntingly stilling
Moss covered mountains
Colliding with the sky
Enveloped in unruffled grandeur
Far from the shore's strife
The golden hue above, glimmering
On waters that lie calm
Softened
In the centre of winter

Curb your tremble
Lest the sea catapults you
Into it's bluest of depths
Again.

The light that ruled the day receded
Fragments of you
Seeped through the cracks
Of a perfectly orchestrated facade
Your authentic self lay
Exposed to the elements
Your halo unhinged overnight
The leavings of your unmasking
Some faceless thing
Fading into the mist.