I remember how the  sensations inside my head would get too much
It felt like acid was eating the inside of my brain
How I felt like I had reached the end of my road
You felt so helpless seeing me in that state
A medical mystery
This disease was having it's way with me
Science had failed me
All we could do was  kneel and pray

I remember the nights when all I could do was cry
You would check if I was still breathing as I slept
How you would literally hold my arm throughout the night
Not wanting to let me go
Facing the other side, I could sense your fear of losing me
Your daughter
I was slipping away

Mum, do you remember the drives we took to take my mind off it all?
Lazy afternoons, the sun burning and us feeling completely deleted by it
Playing the song "Conspiracy" on a loop
The line “explain to me this conspiracy against me” spoke volumes to me
What had I done to deserve such an illness
You hated that song but it grew on you and it became our song
well... at least I'd like to make myself believe

Closure I never got
There was never a diagnosis, it went away on it's own
The cruelty of it
Now I live in the confines of fear
what if it comes back again?
I fear I would not have the strength to fight it

I can still smell the inside of the hospital, which had become my second home
I can still taste the  medication on my tongue
The pills I got fed, do you remember?
How they sent me off the rails
How I grew dependent

It has been 2 years since I "healed"
Convinced I left a piece of myself back there
I'll never get that part of me back.
I am not even supposed to be here
Saved by grace.