it hits you out of nowhere
one day he’s there
his broken brown eyes
so full of stories you’re dying
to dive deep into
he’s shown you parts of him
but only here and there
his crooked smile aimed towards you
a smile you could never get tired of seeing
speaking softly of his troubles
you yearn for more
but settle for what he’s given you
hoping time will open those wounds
he’s so deeply hidden
but time goes on
and the less you hear
a text or a short phone call
you beg for more
only to make a fool of yourself
and then he completely disappears
leaving you completely broken and confused
where did things go wrong
what did you do to drive him away
again you were not enough
but you’re wrong
it was never you darling
you are a force to be reckoned with
many will not be able to grasp that
and they will miss you when you’re gone
do not make yourself available
for those who will not put in the same effort
i will not lie to you and tell you that it gets easier
he was never sure what he wanted
you will still love him
but that love will be overpowered
by someone who truly appreciates you
and not just your body but your mind
how it works how it processes
how you perceive the world with such beauty
and every heartbreak will be worth it
because he will show you
how it truly feels
to be loved

you can’t force them to change
you can beg and plead for them to listen
but they will not put in the same effort
no matter how much you push it
with tears streaming down your face
and the hardest part of it all
is finding the will to accept it
and the strength to let go

people ask
“why do you hurt yourself?
why do you feel the need to
cut your own body open?”
i don’t do it for the attention
i do it because it makes me
feel alive
seeing the blood run
it reminds me
that this body is real
the scars don’t bother me
they tell a story
i don’t believe i am weak
because i feel the need to
open my flesh with a razor
emotional pain is just as real
as the physical pain i put myself through
it makes it easier to process
no one will understand
until they feel enough pain
to put their body through it
physically
maybe i am just drunk
or you’ll understand
exactly what i mean
there are others
i know i am not alone
but until then
my emotional pain will become
physical until i can make sense
of this everyday life i am supposed
to be okay with

i reached out
but no one answered
one two three
you know the rest
so i opened
four red lines
on the side of my hip
hoping and praying
that it would cure
the empty loneliness

“this is going to sound so stupid
i could feel it deep down
the second time i saw you
but i think i love you
and we won’t need to talk about it
please just forget about it”
i know it was hard for you
to speak those words into existence
make those feelings you’ve kept locked up
inside your unreachable mind
come out of those beautiful lips
i think you were drunk
which is why i couldn’t bring myself
to say those three words back to you
i just hope that i have shown you
that you have consumed my heart
i know you’re not ready to hear
those whispering words in your ear
not quite yet
but i do love you too

i don’t know why i jumped at the idea
when a stranger asked me for a drink
and i don’t know why i’m sitting here
three in the morning writing about you
all i know is that my time here is short
and you have showed me more love
in the past three weeks than some
ever experience in a lifetime
i don’t know what this future holds
but i am forever grateful that
we’ve explored many of our firsts
together hand in hand
even if it’s for one minuscule moment
in this journey we call our lives
i will never forget the way you made me feel

she sells her body to men
who will truly never respect her
she does it for the money
for the fleeting feelings
of the need to be