A shot and some salt as the ball drops.
I can't believe it all happened.
And I can't believe that I was on the verge of tears.
This heartbeat never stops.

I drank the fire, I breathed in the smoke.
But I didn't breathe in you, and that is what made me choke.

So many people caught up in connecting,
Yet I felt so distant, caught up in recollecting.

My life is not the one that I knew two years ago,
My soul is altogether different, no longer white like snow.

But I was never pure, I have been ****** from the beginning,
I am still thinking about last night,
I am so scared that I still want you,
My world may still be spinning.

To forget is a beautiful thing,
This delicate intoxication is a new way to sing.

But no matter what I couldn't forget that I wasn't close to you,
All the fire couldn't burn away the knowing that "Us" is no longer true.

I just want to be ok with whatever this is,
I just want to be close without having to be his.

I wanted to forget and maybe our feelings could be enough,
But nothing happened last night and I just got drunk.

I asked Ana to help me,
be my best friend,
she said it would be hard
and once I start
there's no going back,
sometimes,
some people,
take it too far,
and can't stop.
She said there's no telling the outcome.
She's wrong in that sense,
I know the outcome,
the outcome is beautiful.
It doesn't matter if I'm a corpse,
I swear if this kills me
I'm going to be the skinniest corpse
you ever did see.