Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Nikki Whittaker Jan 2014
You let me in, you let me in
But I didn't welcome you
You told me things, you told me things
But I couldn't tell the truth

Seven years we smiled together
And hung the pictures on the wall
For others that point and ask you
About the black girl you try to call

"Best friend, Best friend
Isn't she great? Isn't she sweet?
I've known her for a while
At least that's what I think"

What will you say, what will you do?
When you have to think and conclude
You don't know me, you never have
Because I didn't want you to

I don't trust, I don't trust
Even to this very day
You walked away, you walked away
Because I'm such a cliche

I've been this way since I was young
Too many people gone, leaving me
So I took time to build my castle
And built a room in which to sleep

People try to seep through
Little cracks and small spaces
I'm just waiting for the one
Who knocks and stays patient

And he'll let me in, he'll let me in
And I'll welcome him in too
He'll tell me things, he'll tell me things
That will make me want to tell the truth
Nikki Whittaker Dec 2013
Your pain hits me like an avalanche
I feel it in the center of my soul
My tears drop like a waterfall
Knowing that even if I gave it all
You wouldn't stop hurting
It kills me to know my love
Will never save you
I'm sorry, I wish you could see me
Living for you
Your pain surges through my blood
I feel it slowly running cold
My screams echo off the walls
That are shutting me in
With no way of release
It kills me to know, my love,
No matter how I try
You'll always hurt
I'm sorry, I wish I was strong
Enough to save you
Can you tell me or give me a clue
On what I should do?
Leave little crumbs, drop hints
Anything to help me save you
I won't be able to breathe
If you're stuck in the dark
You know you drag me with
The pain is there, still sharp
And it washes over me like a storm
I feel it drowning my heart
My hands reaching up to you
Not knowing what else to do
I can't live without you
It kills me to know my love
Will never save you
I'm sorry, I wish you could notice
All that I do for you
Nikki Whittaker Dec 2013
I like to fill my heart with things
Like all the things people tell me
My heart absorbs it all like
I need it to survive
It's all the things you say
And the way that you breathe
That tells me how to live
But won't give me what I need
You know that I want to be you
So I watch everything you do
And I'll copy you and mock you
Just watch how much I'll lose
I don't know who I am
Or where I can find myself
So, I've simply decided
I'll be someone else
Maybe I'm too afraid that they won't like me
Maybe it's because of my self-esteem
But I really think it's like the color green
Quite clear that it's jealousy
What would I do if I were free?
Would I reveal myself yet?
Could I be me?
What would I do if I were free?
Would you be afraid?
Would you let me be?
But no, I don't dare try
It's safer inside here
Because there they can touch me
And make it all clear
I like to fill my head with things
Like all the things I see
My mind absorbs it all like
I'm about to die
I know now that I cannot be free
Because it's just too hard to be me
Nikki Whittaker Dec 2013
I am home?

No, I am somewhere
Somewhere dark and cold
But I don't know
If they know
That I don't belong

I am home?

No, I am no where
No where I want to be
But I can't tell
If they can tell
That I'm dying inside

I am home?

No, I am not there
There amongst my family
But I can't see
If they can see
Where I really hid my body

Is this my home?

There, buried in the ashes
Of where I used to live
If you listen you can still hear our hearts
Mother and child
Died together in agony

Is this my home?

My ghost wanders the remains
And I can remember again
Lavender rooms and beige floors
Large windows to see the world through
Three stories high so we could
Nearly touch the stars

I am home?

Yes, here within the rubble
Of an old white house
And now I know
That they now know
With death is where I belong
Nikki Whittaker Dec 2013
It's that time again
Bubbly drinks and wrapped smiles
They can't see my hearts demise
They're all laughing
It's ringing like bells and I
Can't make it stop long enough
To soothe my tearing eyes
Everywhere, they are everywhere
Kissing me, hugging me, touching me
I can't breathe, get them away
The pain of overbearing families
I'm unhappy
To be honest, I'm mad, I'm upset
It's Christmas today
And I don't feel my best
It's that time again
Crackling fires and apple pie
I jump and burst out the door
And scream to my hearts delight
Yet I don't, no, not really
Oh, but how I wish I could
Show them how broken I am
I know that I'm misunderstood
My stepmother thinks my attitude
Is not appropriate for today's event
But she can't see, no, she can't tell
To be a brat was not my intent
It's simple, and yet it's not
Because my heart is broken
And no matter what I do
It will always break open
They sing the merry carols
And I watch the Christmas films
But I'll always be like this
I'll always feel these winter chills
I can feel all of them
The spaces where she should be
How warm she'd make me feel
If her arms were around me
It's that time again
And I still don't know where she is
But I hope, yes, I pray
That soon I'll be over this
Nikki Whittaker Dec 2013
Slowly, Slowly
She lost her mind
All her pain is kept inside
Surely, Surely
They can't see
All her tears are drowning me
They flow down from her soul
The years pass by as wrinkles show
Simply, Simply
She breathes a sigh
All her life is stopped in time
Sadly, Sadly
They won't leave
All her ghosts that are haunting me
They chant their screams like lullabies
The sound goes on throughout the night
She weeps, I drown
She breathes, I choke
All my love, my heart she broke
She runs, I fall
She leaves, I die
All her pain becomes my cries
Slowly, Slowly
She lost her mind
All her pain is kept inside
Surely, Surely
They can't see
All her tears are drowning me
Nikki Whittaker Dec 2013
I noticed I have trouble
With meeting eyes
It's just a small trait
Not much a surprise
Maybe I feel like they can see me
All that I am
I feel their eyes descending
They see I'm not like them
I noticed I have trouble
Speaking my mind
It's just a small fear
Theirs is better than mine
Maybe I feel if they hear me
All that I say
They'll tell me I'm foolish
To think that way
I noticed I have trouble
Faking a smile
It's just a small problem
Much to my demise
Maybe I feel like if they sense me
All that I yearn
Their hearts would be breaking
So I still try to learn
I noticed I have trouble
Coping with things
It's just a small trait
My mother seems to bring
Next page