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 Dec 2013 night child
Nick M
I wish you'd stop playing these games
I gave up a long time ago, you left me pondering for months to come
Hoping there was a possibility but you threw that to the ground
It's been a while
I really did think you were great, I put in so much
It hurt me to see you throw it all away before my eyes
I'm not blaming you
You need to understand that
For months I sat there
In the dark, your memory vivid in my mind
The smile you gave after my lips left yours
I won't forget
But now it's time to move on
Feel a scare
Every time I change the calendar
When on the last day of each month
I turn the page
Take it to the next day
Though today is still there.

I feel a little flutter
Seeing before me the next day
Only number content unknown
And mutter

*What if I ain’t there, hey?
Melodic…Mesmerizing…Symphonic words.
Taking me away, whisking me off my toes,
In my mind, my head tilts back, my arms transform to wings,
As clouds form and the angel sings.
The clouds, they move, and twirl me to the sun,
It’s blinding, blazing beauty blissfully moves me,
Not just physically, but emotionally.
I cannot let this be, my words will not be undone.

I cannot allow this vulnerability to consume me.
Tears shall never fall, arms will never wrap around me.
I will never be the weeping lady,
That so much, they threw aside.
Forever, they will try to break the clouds below your feet, to make you feel obsolete.

Clouds of love, clouds of dreams, clouds that make you want to cry,
Clouds blur the vision, clouds will lie…
Clouds shed tears you will never catch,
Clouds will never find their match,
Neither shall I; matches make fire, and fire makes you cry.

Melodic music, is what they speak,
Like sirens, I will crash the wreck that is me,
Wreck inside, I will not be transparent,
But I believe, perhaps blissfully, that I can be, oh so much more,
But I can’t keep closing door after door.

The way that bed of clouds did make me feel,
Drills around my brain in a desperate drumming beat,
I yearn for that feeling, yet fear it all at once.
How can you fight with ones own self?
Yet hope for the best?
Brooding, introvert, but that’s not me,
It’s just what I know I have to be.

Who’s to say that living in a bubble is wrong?
Yes, it will burst, and those inside feel forlorn.
You can find those inside again, all by yourself.

No world-wind weapons of intrigue to entice you to lay down your soul on a table,
I am not weak or feeble!
No one shall lie with me for they lie about me.
And sigh, I will let not it be.

I am happier alone,
Forlorn, lost and oh so sad,
Happy, in my day, however each day may be,
For who knows what tomorrow may bring,
And that’s just the one thing,
A kiss, A feeling, is it worth it all?
Please my dear darling, never ever fall.
when you run your fingers across my skin
be careful
for I have spent many sleepless nights
stitching myself back together
when people's words cut through me like daggers

and when you brush your lips against mine
be careful
I have so often bled venom from this mouth in my words
And I would hate for you to taste its sting

When you wipe the tear from the corner of my eye
be careful
It is not the last I will shed, there are many more
pricking at my eyelids, itching to be released

When you declare 'I love you' to me
be careful
I have heard it many times, none of which were true
If i hesitate saying it back, know that it is my lack of trust
not your lack of love for me

And when you hold me in your arms
be careful
I am all too likely to shatter, I am but a fragile thing
A bird, if you will; Hold me too tightly
and my little wings will break, hold me too loosely
and I will take flight for fear that pain will follow.
 Dec 2013 night child
M
Screw ups
 Dec 2013 night child
M
I stand here lost
wondering what I've done
to make others
despise me

I think back to
the mistakes I've made
the fights I've fought
and my chaotic life

What have I done
I'm so obscure
cause they say I'm innocent
but they treat me like the opposite

It seems like I get blamed
for doing what the crowd does
for following my own beliefs
what am I supposed to do

I'm the definition
of what people desire to be
yet I feel like
I'm unwanted

the worst part is
I'm not sure what I'm doing
all I know is that
*I'm ******* up
poems while drinking hot chocolate.
"because i hate myself"
"how can you hate yourself so much though?!"
"i just do"

i know its difficult to understand
but i thought this through
and i've figured a way to describe what its like
i hope maybe you'll understand
a little maybe.

                                                           imagine you're angry with someone
                                      they've maybe broken something special to you
                             or forgotten to do something and it ended in disaster
                           well,  you're angry with them, so frustrated and angry
                     and you have built up rage, muscles tense and you know
                 you cant hurt them, because thats bad, and you'll feel worse

but the person you're angry with
                                                                        is you.
its like there's two of me
the me that is a body
just simple and does what its told
then there's my head
                     my mind
                     my mind gets frustrated with my body
so very angry
                     my mind punishes my body
for not being perfect enough
for not doing something perfect
for forgetting or not doing it g
ood enough

imagine that
over every
tiny* little thing
of course i hurt myself
its how i learn
to be perfect
i'm working on it
but i'm still angry
with my body
for not performing
good enough
The crisp chill of a late November evening;
leaves falling on the aging soil as I watch
the sun descend six feet below the horizon.
I stare beyond the astral plane hoping to see her;
my imaginations become infractions against decency.
Our secrets remain in these old pockets despite the demons
standing beside me. The taste of ginger lingers on my lips;
my hand bleeds from the tight grip on a rose that bears her name.
I miss the smell of her skin and the glimmer in her eyes;
I long to see her smile.
I'm leaving tomorrow
What can you do
No need for sorrow
It's your fault too

I won't go back
You caused me to
Should've been on the right track
This life will be new
 Nov 2013 night child
ve
raw
 Nov 2013 night child
ve
raw
i fell again, the same wounds
they opened up.
took pieces of me away
took me away
took away my mask,
the happiness everyone was used to  
the smile faded

my body is a vessel that can't handle my emotions no longer
they spill out of me
my eyes- tears fall
my fingertips- i hold on too strong or not at all
my lips- chapped
my hugs- full of something.. longing
my emotions are showing in everything i do
i can't stop

i am exposed
i am raw to the bone

every feeling that touches me makes me fall
every comforting word makes me doubt
every hand to hold lets go

no one to turn to
no one understands
no ones comfort is enough anymore

even when i reach out
even when i try to get help
there's always something else
sorry i can't talk to you right now, i'm high as ****

the people i thought i could rely on, i can't
the people i love, don't get it
the people that have been there from the start- everybody's too consumed in their own lives
who am i to disturb them?

all i feel is pain
all i feel is the ghostly lips of the past on my forehead
..telling me to let go
all i feel is negativity

i'm too far gone
too far in
too late

sleep doesn't heal me anymore
drugs are no good

everything good that has been in my life
the good i've built for myself
has been spread upon the skin of others
has been left in the places i can no longer go
the places that hold my secrets
the places i left my feelings with

i'm emotionally raw
vulnerable
and i just want to be relieved

i've been strong
i'm tired of fighting
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