I have a secret, you see
And it is all about me
Though not like it’s very hidden.
I’m an imp, if you wish it,
I do tend to fidget
But I do so rather quietly.
Silent footsteps behind you,
Now sneaking isn’t meant to
Scare when my approach comes nearer.
I might give you a *****
And you’ll jump like a kook,
But try not to be so surprised.
There will be a next time
Do not make it a crime
When I appear out of nowhere.

It’s the ideas that I plant
Inside heads when I can’t
Act on such good tricks to be played.
Tie his laces to chairs
Not a classmate will care,
And Teacher blames only the boy.
This, but one example,
Of things that I’m ample
To come up with everyday.
Now if you’re real careful
And seem quite delightful,
I’ll just have to let you be,
Although Tricksy Grandma did name me.

Sometimes I just want to be reckless like folks my age tend to be.
Go out to bars, have too much to drink, find a friendly stranger to end the night with.
Will it help fill that empty space inside me?
No.
I think it would make the missing piece grow out of control.
I don’t want to be consumed by this.
This nothing.
Advice says I should be the one to make myself whole, but I’ve doubted that from the start.
Why does everyone think I’m such a strong person?
I don’t feel like it, not now.
It was easy to be strong when things were fine; I thought I could handle anything.
It seems I was wrong.
But I’m trying.
Really I am.
Yet my thoughts are inked with a poison.
Hate is far too controlling so I have caved to its powers.
I want to crush something.
Use my fists and expel all this aggression out on something that doesn't deserve it.
That’s probably not fair, but I've had enough of all this.
I've had enough of him.

You know I want you
It's useless to play hard to get
Cause you can see right through me
The coy indirect answers
Seem not to deter you
You hear what my heart says
And sweep me off my feet
Enchanting me beyond belief
Occupying my every thought
Possessing me beyond comprehension
Everything revolves around you
You amaze me constantly
am so into you.

x

I run a dotted line around this block,
traces of me are everywhere though they
are hidden under the footsteps of 100 feet
stamping my poor identity in to the ground.

C'mon, You know me.
You've seen my face many a times
I'm the one with the earbuds in
smokin' the cigarette
strolling through the park,
And the one with the white collar
sittin' at the bus stop
waitin' to start another Tuesday.
I'm the one with the fist in the air
and a joint between my lips
at the rock show.
You know me.

Maybe you haven't seen me
because you just look right through me
every time you walk past me.
I am just another face in your daily grind,
Not even a familiar smile or a friendly display
Just eyes, a mouth and a nose
placed in contemporary fashion
to give enough background color
for your masterpiece painting.
How thoughtful,
You're really using just one piece of me.

I get scared
Because your so
Attractive and I
Am just a girl
Guys have only
Taken interest
To use me
And I'm scared sometimes
That you'll want
To leave me
But I guess we both
Have some fears
Mine more realistic
Because your
Unique perfection
And I'm a mess
I ramble
And I rant
Losing myself
In life
And you seem
Stronger
Like your tethered
And torn soul
Can handle so much more
Than my worn one
I love you
And I want to forever
To be yours
But I get scared
Because I don't know
What you see
In a girl like me.

Why can't I even comprehend this yet?
It feels like we're just pretending, this can't possibly be real.
I imagine myself walking down the aisle to you still.
Imagining someone else waiting for me at the altar seems so fake.
Unfathomable.
This didn't actually happen. You're mine still.
Right?
Wrong.
But I can't begin to understand.
If its bad now, I dread the thought of when it hits me.

Everything you touch
Turns to dust
Golden dust
Cause it all starts from ashes
And develops into beauty.
Touch me
that I may become your muse

My Christmas tree
Is not the same as yours
You see, my tree is in my mind
It can't be bought in stores

It's made up of a lot of things
I couldn't ever, ever buy
And I put them on my Christmas Tree
Using my minds eye

The star atop my Christmas tree
Is as bright as bright can be
My tree topper  is The North Star
It's the brightest one you see

For tinsel, I use icicles
That Mother Nature made
By hitting us with an ice storm
With devastation laid

For ornaments, I have my pick
There is so much there to choose
With a winter pallet so diverse
With whites, reds, greens and blues

For lights, I use the stars again
And street lights as I need
I let them shine and light my tree
It's the brightest tree indeed

In my mind my tree is ten feet tall
With gifts piled half as high
But, in reality, there is no tree
It's just in my minds eye

You see, I am a prisoner
Of machines and stuck in doors
I haven't had a Christmas Tree
Since Nineteen Eighty Four

But, still I choose to celebrate
Giving gifts and sending cards
But I lie here looking outward
So, going out, well...it's too hard

My tree, it is incredible
And the best part, I must say
Is that I can enjoy it all year round
And when I'm done, it goes away

No needles dropping on my floor
No checking strands of lights
My tree, it shows up when I want
And it's always out of sight

I wish you could walk in my mind
And share my tree with me
It's ten feet tall, and beautiful
And it's just for me to see.