Today we tried to be one
Today we were not ready
Today we lost the chance
Today is gone
One day maybe
Ready we will be
Chance we will take
Gone is today
One day we will be one
One day we will be 1
1UN

The distance between what we say and what we mean
The difference between what I need you to hear
And what you hear when I speak
Between what you need and what you say

That's the place where it hurts
That's the place where love turns into poison
And weapons

It should be so simple because I'm your little girl and you're my Dad
Who took me for walks on railroad tracks
And let me bring home every rock that I thought was special
You filled your pockets with them, you never told me they were just quartz
You read me stories and had a pickup truck named Betsy
Who couldn't drive past an ice cream shop without stopping because she was special too
You took me camping and swimming and hiking
(I canoe, canoe canoe?)
And played the Grateful Dead
You were so good at being a Dad

I remember you sitting me down and telling me that I'd always be your number one
That you would love me no matter what I did
I was just a kid
And I believed

But I grew up
And you got older and scareder and sadder
Things got a lot harder

I stopped being little, stopped being a piece of you
That must have hurt
Because you forgot your promise
You built a world of expectations and as it grew
So did the distance between you, and the good in you
You can be so mean
And the worst part is that I feel guilty for being mad at you
Because I know that you're just scared
Really really scared
I understand
I do

It's terrifying to love things that are not you
What if they leave?
What if they hurt you?
What if they don't love you enough?
Or the way that you want them to?
It's hard to have faith
Especially if you're not used to faith being had in you
But can't you see how much weight your fears put on me?

I wish you had faith in me
I wish you saw my good intentions
And respected me for my strengths
I wish I could be who I am around you
I am smart and opinionated and unafraid
I think critically and see the best in people
But those are the things in me that you seem to hate
I never thought it could hurt so much to feel disliked

It brings out the worst in me

So I hide
Because it is impossible to take care of both of us at the same time
If I take care of myself, it hurts you
If I take care of you, it hurts me

When we talk you ask me about money
And school
And money
And my future plans
And money
Have I called the dentist?
Done my taxes?
Applied for scholarships?

None of those things have any bearing on me

We haven't talked for months
I'm not going to call you and say that I'm sorry
I'm so sorry, but not for the reasons you think I should be
I'm sorry we can't just talk
I'm sorry it's hard for us to be around each other
I'm sorry we resent each other
I'm sorry that I miss you so much, but am so afraid to talk to you
I don't want to be scared of you
I'm sorry that there is a room in my head that holds memories of you lashing out at me
I just want you to remember that you love me
If you could remember that and let go of everything else
I would call

That's a promise

Things have been strange lately
Devoid of feelings
I've been staying home more and
Eating lots of greens
Keeping my room clean

The other day I broke my ***
Fell down alone in the mountains
Now I've got a bruise like a galaxy
It would have been funny
If I'd had anyone with me

Sometimes I go out and talk
To boys in bars
They bore the hell out of me

I drink whiskey and practice my pretend smile
Excuse myself for cigarettes
That I don't smoke anymore

Where'd all my hell go?
I'm all balance and competence
Sunrise after sunrise
I ponder my insipid demise

It's been weeks since I've kissed or spit or sweat
Good god I'm bored
I'd love to meet someone who contradicts themselves
Half as much as me

Is this it? Is this what I want?
I confuse myself
Sometimes all I want is to be ****** up
On fire
Cracking knuckles and shedding clothes
Never satisfied with anyone around me
Never satisfied with me
Filling all my wounds with salt
Watching myself bleed

I can be so broken
I can be so whole
I can do it all by myself

I don't want to feel alone
In this big wide world
Where everyone walks
Their own paths
And no one has Time to wait
For someone that is lost
And trying to find the way home.
I don't want another day
Trying to find who I am
and what I want.
If only it could be clear
What I should have
then I wouldn't see empty space
in the rooms you fill.
Aching for something more
hungering for a purpose
A reason why am here.
Am I the fixer? The listener?
The one that does great things?
If only the pain could stop
Of being so alone.

Gentle breeze
Tickles my toes
Rocks me softly
Back and forth
On the swing,
Arms wide open
Legs outstretched
But not quite touching the Fore.
Head propped backwards
But not quite returning to the Before.
Eyes with comfort
Fluttering, closed
Simply suspended.
The Present, the Now,
Illuminating my very core.

Colours, bright and blazing
Colours, dark and drab
Colours all around us
Colours we can grab
Wear your colours proudly
In almost all you do
But, be careful with your colours
Others have colours too

Black and White
Red and Blue
Orange, Green as well
Blue and Grey
Dark or Light
Colours show and tell

Your colours tell us lots of things
Like which team you support
But, wear your colours carefully
Or you'll end up in court

Colours can cause skirmishes
Colours can cause wars
Colours can cause arguements
Colours break down doors

Wear your colours proudly
No matter what they be
But, A White Hood worn in Harlem
And you'll be hanging from a tree

Colours are religion
Colours are your soul
Colours show your preference
Colours make you whole

I don't know what your colour is
In fact I just don't care
I only know your colours
Let others know you're there

Black and White
Red and Blue
Orange, Green as well
Blue and Grey
Dark or Light
Colours show and tell

Colours push the envelope
Colours blur the lines
Colours make a challenge
Colours show whats mine
Colours make us happy
Colours take away
Colours help us know ourselves
Colours make our day

Wear your colours proudly
Be it red, or black or pink
Yellow, Green or Orange
No matter what folks think
But, wear your colours safely
Wear them and be proud that you are seen
But, be careful what they say because
Remember just what colours mean
This is not written as a warning
I just want you to be proud
Of what colours signify you
Wear them out and wear them loud

Black and White
Red and Blue
Orange, Green as well
Blue and Grey
Dark or Light
Colours show and tell

When I lap like green-gray waves at rocks grown
    tired of holding themselves upright, collapsed into
          weary sand that props toes like a damp pillow

And you breeze, clouds tasting raindrops like children
    forever adrift, sailing between future hopes that shine
               through dark blue sky like candle-flame eyes

Our worlds collide in a marriage of foam and spray
                 harmony at its finest

I saw you standing there
With so much hope in your heart
I saw you waiting patiently
But I'm still to scared to start
You looked to me, beside the moon
And told me we could never part
So I'm still here waiting
For some stray spark to ignite your heart

Waiting for that spark
Oh, waiting could span whole lives
In and out you weave
Remnants of the tides
Waiting for you to let me know how  
Long it will take to tan our tired hides
But I'm sick of writing songs
And counting the days you're gone

You've been gone so long that I don't
See how things could be the same
I stare at empty skies
I stare thinking of nothing but the emptiness that comes with your name
You say things that make my bones ache
But you mean what makes my heart
Think that things are done
You exude what life makes me feel
And you make my body vibrate
Everything is made of paper, nothing of steel anymore

These words fade in and out, heart stuck in endless drought
Don't know what I'm fighting for
When I don't know if you're in or out
You've got to give some sign
Say a few words, at least
Either that or I've got to find
Some way to make my feelings cease

So if this is goodbye
I say thanks for the waste of time
Things you said we're good and fine I'm still looking for the ties that bind
And at times I find
Those ties are rarely by your side
And so now I say goodbye
Again, this is the last time the ride rises