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Gemma Aug 2024
Clovers
Bike tires
Gravel

Paint
Rocks
Good cooking
Gemma Aug 2024
Nothing is going to change the fact that you’ve stabbed me
But I’m taking away the knife.
Gemma Aug 2024
I’ll braid your hair and kiss your cheek
Smile at you and tell you that you’re doing just fine and you always have
I think you’re amazing and capable

I wish you gave me enough space to be proud of you
Gemma Aug 2024
Before you reconsider:
Remember how it feels when he comes home when the sun is up
How it feels when hours go by and he says nothing to you
When he tells you he’ll try so hard to be better and then takes you to buy cigarettes
How the smell of liquor on his breath brings you dread
Gemma Aug 2024
You thought that I’d forgive you
When you slipped through the night like a black handkerchief in the wind
When you held your lips tight

But I didn’t
I hope I can eventually
Gemma Aug 2024
The complexities sit in my stomach like a poison my body doesn’t know how to digest
A puddle of multiple strains
Just sitting like a lump that I want to throw up
Gemma Jul 2017
And now you're gone
Not an empty void
No
Just a blank space
Gemma Aug 2024
Putting iron stints in my sides to stand up alone
Gemma Feb 2018
they make me want to bite my lips raw
put my hands in my hair and tug
that's not me, that person making all of those terrible decisions
I didn't know better
let me go back in time
the memories
Gemma Oct 2018
when im alone
i clean the house.

i spend hours scrubbing the white counter tops i just put in
with a lemon scented wipe

i lay on the sofa in the sun

i am full of pride

and then i let them in.
i'm selective,

but why do i let in the ones with the dirtiest shoes?
why do i let them mock the white cabinets and replace them with black?

its not like i dont have options
there are people who will take off their shoes and leave them outside,
people who promise to keep my house clean

i am a terrible decision maker. and at the end of the day when im alone again i must go back to cleaning

its a vicious cycle
Gemma Sep 2017
It's my fault in a way
I showed people
and expected them to see it the way I did
but no one has the same heart as me
Gemma Aug 2024
Fleeing
Eyes closed
chased by a philosophy
Rather than a lion
I think I’d prefer the lion
Gemma Aug 2024
I’ll be here building my foundation
So that I’m strong enough to carry myself and the ones that I love
Gemma Aug 2024
Im so happy to remove you from everything
To pick you out of every piece of my life
I hope you know I won’t find you between my toes
I hope you know that in a years time you’ll only be a name on paper
Gemma Jul 2017
I'm too young
to have lived like this;
I'm too young
to have given my heart,
my bed,
my life,
To you.
But I offered it to you.
No man could resist

                                    If you loved me;
If you were truly the man I worshiped,
you wouldn't have let me.
You would have tried harder
to tell me to care about my life.
But you and I
withhold a sweet selfishness,
and not even I can blame you
for stripping the last pieces of my childhood
right off of my body
I spent a year in your arms
and no where else
Gemma Aug 2024
For being raised by a misogynist I have some really ******* large claws
Gemma Aug 2024
I hold the knife,
I always hold the knife
Ready to cut
Gemma Aug 2024
A professor enjoying my individual creative work
And a boss recognizing my ability to work with little support
Two men appreciating me for my brain
Gemma Sep 2017
And now I realize
The deeper meaning to the words you speak
These are not words of encouragement
These are pleadings from a drowning man
To the only thing he has left
Gemma Aug 2024
Look at the self respect I made for myself
Even if unfortunately that looks like slamming the door in your face
Gemma Aug 2024
The smell of liquor on your breath brings me dread
Mixed with a low passion deep in my belly
I know that you’ll lick me extra nice
But also lie to me, be inconsistent, and in no way like the person I created in my head for you
Gemma Oct 2018
you don't know it, but the fire i pull
out of your stomach
is a talent of mine
your passion mirrors mine
you respond
to me
Gemma Aug 2024
Pack up your things
Fold your heart neatly into a cloth
Nurse it
Keep it warm
And keep walking
Everything else is just beyond the horizon of your perception
Don’t give up yet
Gemma Feb 18
As long as I judge my fellow man
And fear his path
I’ll find myself waking up one day wearing his image
Gemma Aug 2024
When I ground myself in reality sometimes it’s jarring
I’m talking to myself, I’m alone in my own head
Sometimes it feels like everyone I’ve ever known is in there
Gemma Aug 2024
******* for making me choose myself
Gemma Aug 2024
Sometimes it’s so okay
It’s in the past
Others I remember sitting with you
Feeling not so alone
Gemma Oct 2017
I've let my body get so used I don't even want to touch myself anymore
My skin is not mine it is for anyone who wants it
My thighs are not the miraculous limbs that I owe my many great travels to, they are only miles of skin that begs to be touched.
My hair is not silk to cascade over my ears and frame my face, it's purpose is to be wrapped around your fingers and yanked.
Every ripple of pleasure
is a disguise for my disgust, the worthless feeling of being nothing more than a pretty new toy.
You do not worship me but you worship my ability to rip an ****** from your body.
You leave me used and abused in more ways than one
and just like a pretty new toy,
after you play with me
I become as worthless to you
as I have become to myself.
Gemma Mar 2018
carefully unlace the leather punctured into my lips, undo the intricate patterns steady hands spent years knotting
  stitch by painful stitch
   these years have taught my body to ward against the idea of letting anything slip, the quiet of my own mind is the safest place for anything I have to say for it to reside, for it to eat me up and make me rot from the inside out
   i am in pain, my voice is a tormentor from within
willing it to rumble will be as difficult as using my tight throat
   i need to be ripped away from the comfort of silence
there is much to be said
Gemma Sep 2017
This book seems to be devoted to you
your mention graces almost every page
but it isn't
it's devoted to me
to my growth
and to my feelings
Gemma Mar 2018
i hope that you don't hold a grudge against my selfish heart
we all have our self-sustaining behaviors
i hope you can eventually see it the way i saw it even if you also see all of the err, the same err i drown myself in when i feel low

but in order to get to the places you want, sometimes you have to pull some strings
you were just another person that i ran over in my unclear path of (de)construction
i didnt mean to treat you like a marionette -even if im sure thats what it feels like in your heart
i guess behind my own eyes i am a demanding puppet master that uses real human beings as her toys

— The End —