poetry written by fingers
have you ever tasted anything so sweet?

you kiss my skin once
and leave a trail of fingers on my body

this has all been written before by history
and each other.

in that moment I understood
the words of jealous men -

I wanted your body
To be cleanse from the touch
Of other women

And I understood holy rage

protected by doors with no
keyholes

i am a fort, doe eyes
bad lies and a certain flair

with only shambles for a heart,
i grieve for the emptiness inside you
for it will swallow you whole.

and as we part, i will leave nothing
but new sands for you to drown in.

i follow red threads
back and forth, i am hungry for a map.

as the walls seem to grow further and further away,
i follow the line.

i am ever walking towards something
timid or bold,
the pit is inevitable.

you left when you were still with me
and called an empty body a presence.

haunted by the ghosts of your memories
not even selfless love could spare you
the emptiness of that heart of yours

I see the fine lines, webbed by your words
And the trail of comfort you have left behind.

I see you on the fabric, etched it warm and soft.

I see you in the wood, worn and cared.

I see you in the metal, loved and tended.

I see you on my skin.

I see where you have kissed and I see your gentleness.

I see you, my heart nothing but cup for my love.

I know not how to love thus,
For how can one love so fully

And still leave room for themselves?

my darling, i begin at the end
with leaps taken and the shreds for evidence.

you asked and i gave and such
is life.

i feel the drain upon my body
my heart already slowly broken and
my prophecies fulfilled.

i trace my stars of cassandra
and i wonder if i brought this ruin.

my love engulfed you and tore you apart
i am my own ruin.

you said you loved my lows
but it was the storms that ate you.

you promised you wanted my sharp corners
but they reminded you of all your cuts.

you swore you loved me fully
but that love drained you.

you confuse intensity with lack of reach
and i am a too much for the likes of you.

but why then does it feel like you left
taking all my love with you still?

my heart aches.

is it wrong that
the deep notes of your voice
calmed all the storms
inside my chest?

even the ones
that I can blame on you?

How am I to walk this path?
I do not know myself,
Lesser still where I thread.

I am but uncertainty,
Darling, I know nothing
Not even myself.

How I fear -
I have said no lie.
I did not doubt a single word; then.

How can I express it,
It consumes my thoughts.

my fingers trace the edges and
my rhythm is to the sound of your
sighs on my ear

gently, wet and slippery
feeling the sound of drums from your chest
i slip and lose myself inside you

your touch was a sweet whisper
and you called my words a cure
for all that was broken inside you.

when my eyes were opened
i realized what you meant to rip away
was all the kindness
and leave nothing but the bitterness.

there is an odd storm in my chest
filled with missed steps and
there is always you somewhere

bambi eyes, perfectly round and
just filled to the brim with innocence
you say -
please just **** me
when i look at you

I begin to forget how I loved you
When filling up the space you left

And I watch you,
As you fade
To become only a ghost in my memories

iv.

i called you a brick wall
i hardly knew how right i was
until i shivered and pleaded
for some rhyme or reason
for the things you chose to break.

all the memories of my past selves have claws
from the fingers i pried off of them

i try to let it all sink beneath my feet but
you throw them back like plastic,
saying 'they're drowning the turtles'.

your hatred is relentless and
i don't remember what i did to be on the receiving end

iii.

the wood beneath my back spins
i hold your hand for safety
and you break open the walls
with no intention of ever finding a door.

ii.

there is a shadow lingering in your words

my stomach knots but i let doubt sink deeper
knowing that it will fester

but eyes so earnest could not have been resisted

i.

it starts with a note on my forehead
meant to humble my roots.

and when i smile at you,
you regret the foot i have on the other side.

you will say
that i was a puzzle to fix.

the unavoidable emptiness of half hearts
always lingering where we should not,
and the variety of cynicism born
out of a desire to be proven wrong.

pressing up against your eyes, i see it too.
i see the reasoning slipping, my friend
you want it all too.

so recklessly we throw ourselves against the tides.

'prove me wrong, prove me wrong'
as the song comes out in a whisper that
perhaps nothing will ever be as good as it was.