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netanya janel Sep 2014
I'm already in too deep
Crawl back into my hole
I've traced these walls so many times
I don't know
This is hell
This is home
netanya janel Sep 2014
Lockjaw and gaze into a vastness that even I can't comprehend
I can't speak
It's like I always spawn an idea that sends me spiraling into chaos
But somehow that forever seems so empty
When the space between your eyes when I stare at your face becomes my safe place
I'm hiding inside my own skin the way it stretches around flesh to hold in every **** thought I've ever concealed from you
I wrote you an apology letter when you ravaged my soul and I think I truly believed that sincerity would save you
Now all I have is a notepad with your name etched between every line and sore hands and tired eyes
Some things won't ever change
netanya janel Sep 2014
A part of me knows that the way your lips curl up into that sly smile foreshadows my destruction
I see the pain in you
The weight of the world lives inside you and it's tearing you to shreds right in front of me
It's not that I think I can change it or make the hurt that constricts you loosen it's chains around your broken soul
I guess there was just a part of me that hoped you wouldn't embrace me while you let it crush your bones
I'm not the comfort you're looking for
I'm just a kid with a ****** up head and a tendency to fall in love with the idea of being the comfort you seek and I hate it
It's always so difficult to let someone else in and every time I know it's a shattered image of love but I keep trying
That smile, that comfort, that breathy voice on my neck that I'm all too aware will break me
Maybe I should just let go
I never really know
netanya janel Sep 2014
I feel your fingertips creeping between the walls within my veins
The way blood moves in currents and churns under flesh
Static and tingle
Eerie, pulsating chill
I feel your presence like icy waters flooding my bones
Even the warmth of the sun peels back in awe of your cold demeanor
netanya janel Sep 2014
hangovers are alright
when the night before you sang out loud with friends in a garage
and swung upside down from monkey bars in a park at 6am

feeling broken isn't so bad
when you have friends who tell you they love you
and want to see you smile
and feel welcome
and feel safe
because that's what family does
and they're no different

i think the world wanted me to feel and become something different last night
in order to do so i couldn't let you be the one exception from being so closed-off for so long

even though part of me wants to cradle an ice pack against my skull
today
i feel liberated
i feel alive
netanya janel Sep 2014
Thx
Because of you I broke out of my shell with other people and found myself in a crowd
I want to thank you but I know you wouldn't care
It's fine
netanya janel Sep 2014
there was a point in my life where i felt so deeply connected to you
one night i woke up in a hot sweat because you weren't beside me
that was the night i wished my intuition was out of tune
i never felt as helpless as i did when i stepped out of the room and saw you with her
i guess images like that are supposed to burn for a reason
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