The snow starts sticking
to the ground. Nights seem
longer. The ocean seems
more blue. The stars stop
twinkling just like your
eyes. Time stops.
My reflection in your pupil
fades away just like the sweet
scent of your cologne.
Undying melancholy and
a threnody dedicated to
the sky.
Eagles feed on corpses,
I walk on shattered glass
and you walk away.
Blood oozing out of my
wrist, I dry my tears.
A rough road that goes
nowhere. I lose myself
somewhere between
the flashbacks and nugatory
present. A present without
your presence is of no value.
As I wait for the tides to rise
and sweep me out to the sea
I wake up panting heavily just
to find you sleeping next to me.
Another nightmare filled with my
worst fears. Most importantly the
fear of separation.
Fear of losing you.
Every single minute we get closer
to death. Closer to not being
with each other. Closer to turning
into stars. A nightmare, so
strong, delineating
the right emotions
intimidates me about
how long we have
with each other? A forever?
Or just another second?

The moment when
my heart found you, I
knew I was about to
start a new journey of
falling so hard from the
peak of the mountain
of my unsatisfied dreams.
When I see my reflection
in your pupil I feel aesthetic
as ever.
When our bodies come in
contact there's firework in
my soul forming a comely
galaxy and my mind
chanting only your name.
You take me to the stars
and erase all the tragedy
that was ever written on
my body.
When I see you smile,
Oh baby, it lights up
every lamp in the pathway
to my heart making me the
most delectable person ever.
Every since you walked in,
my heart has forgotten every
pain and is filled with abundant
love.
When you caress my hair, you poison
me with love turning every blue
flower red.
When you tell me you love
me with devotion, my soul
cries out of delectation.
Love is just an understatement
to describe my affection for you.
It's beyond words.
It's beyond all the poems I have
written for you and the poems I
will ever write.
It's beyond my ability to express.
It doesn't sit neatly in between lines
like how poetry does.
Even gazillion pages written
about you would be too less
to express my felicity.
I love you.

Every inch of this universe seems gloomy without you
and your name resides 
in every atom of my body. 
My heart teeming with so 
much love to give I don't 
think I can ever have enough
of you. All the drugs turn otiose 
in comparison to you. 
Stay here wrapped up in my arms
and let the synchronization of 
our heart beats be the only rhythm 
we dance on. Let the stars lean down 
and waves flood the shore. Let the moon
lose it's light and the sun, it's warmth. 
Just spin with me in this paradise 
of insanity and love. It ain't the ordinary 
feeling but a strong  enraptured feeling you give me when I look in to your assuasive​ eyes.
Your touch brings in delectation 
blooming every flower at my feet, 
lighting every candle in my life. 
Stay here as all our sorrow drown 
in this aesthetical night. Let me sink into 
those eyes and love you with every ounce.
Give me all your attention. Give me all your pain. Give me all your ailments for you no
longer have to bear them alone. Let my voice guide you home and keep you safe.
The heart that you have given me is my elixir. 
Allow me to give you all I have as
my heart has chosen you and only you. 
On this very galvanizing night I have 
fallen yet again only if you knew.

Just one of those nights when I am pouring out but cannot find the exact words to put my thoughts in. The stars collide with my thoughts turning my atoms into dust that has probably snuck into your skin. Oh, how it felt to make a promise with a new heart and to adapt your ways and words. I just need you at this very moment because you are my poetry now and without you I am merely words. When I first spoke to you I had no words to express my felicity. You made me realize that I am capable of falling in love again. The book of my past had turned toxic and had to be thrown away as turning the page wouldn't work. That's when it struck me that the poison flowing from my past towards my future can only be brought to an end by burning all the memories and shutting it completely out of my body. It was hard as I was holding on to the broken strands of the thread that connected to my past. This time it wasn't my heart forcing me to hold on but my mind that had trapped all your incomplete words and wasted hopes. I had to let go and help myself climb up the cliff that I had been thrown off. I was so young when the pain had begun. And I am still forever afraid of being loved but I have to put my guard down just to let you in. You entered my life when I least expected and at times made me feel like the happiest person alive. I honestly don't know what your intentions are right now but I honestly love talking to you. After all that I have been through, my heart chose to fall again and it chose you. I don't know how you feel about it but you are very important to me and I know you know it. I am feeling this way after a long time. I am writing this just in the hope that my heart doesn't get shattered again.

Lying down in agony,
Not able to hold this pen.
Not able to write. All my feelings are a
mix just like my drink. A cocktail of all my
feelings will eventually be the death of me.
I never gave much thought about how
I'd die but this is certainly not what
I had on my mind. Cold and barbarous
bullets that you shot from your gun have
penetrated most of their way through
my body. A shiver ran down my
neck as I get up and sit
at the fireplace.
Looking straight into
it, my brain triggers
happiness and reminds
me of my good old days.
How I'd roast marshmallows
above hot coals and how
me and my best friend would set
up tents and play with dolls.
When I was small I would wait for my prince to arrive
on his unicorn from the cloud Kingdom. I would wear my favourite pink frock and a crown and put some lipstick on
and sit at the window waiting
for him to be seen. I always imagined
him to slide down the rainbow
with chocolates and balloons.
Being whisked away to a far
off land and making friends with ponies and fairies was my fantasy.  
At that point of time, I never thought that one day I would stand upon the place where my fantasies and reality collide.
Even though my prince never showed up
I never lost hope. I would smile as my dad would enter my room with chocolates and lift me up high in the air like he has conquered the world.
He has fulfilled every single wish of mine.
He has loved me in a way no one ever has or ever will.
Thinking about it now I realize that I have always been my daddy's princess and nobody can ever take that right away from me.
He has always been my hero.
Those days mint chocolate chip ice cream would fix just about everything and for the pain there would always be my mother's arms.
All the happy times spent with my family and sharing so many unforgettable and sweet memories with my friends makes me want to get back to being a child. I am so grateful to all of those people who have made my childhood.
But the reality here is that people who
Come into our lives change us sometimes for good or bad and it depends on us how we embrace it. I have seen the innocence of young girls being taken away.  Prince charming doesn't really exist but you're you and you have your family and friends to love you.  Stop being upset and stop seeking love in the same direction you lost it. **Be happy.

// I shed a lot of tears today. I am not going to lie. Although, it's been a while my heart still sobs at the thought of your name. I've lost so much trying to win you. Trying to achieve you. Trying to conquer you. Most importantly, I have lost myself. The broken pieces of my heart are still trying to fix themselves back. Thinking about it now, I realize that I had completely placed my self aside and paid no attention to the scathe you were causing to my body. There was no other pain greater than your despondency. I adored you a lot. You asked me what it was that I had for you and I failed to put it in words back then which I rue a lot. What I had for you was sacrificial, ferocious, wild and untamed filled with devotion and grace. Some people experience their first love at a very young age and it feels like one heck of a gaiety doesn't it? I did too. But you kept stabbing my heart with your unfermented words and abhorrent actions and let sadness embrace me. My little pumping machine got scarred for life as I let you take advantage of my kindness. I kept quiet hoping that you would realize my worth and run back to me. Stupid wasn't I ? There was a time when I didn't want to wake up in the morning. The sunlight would burn my eyes which had turned red due to weeping all night. I would snuggle into my blanket not wanting to get off the bed. Not wanting to face the world without you. It's said that every individual leaves a mark. You certainly did. But on my heart. Even though the cuts have healed and I feel happier than I have ever been the scars still remain. All the pastoral memories seem odious as they make me realize that you are not a part of my life anymore. Memories do slowly creep in at times and it's hard to forget them too. They pop up from nowhere even while taking a class or just when I am hanging out with friends. I guess it will still take a while to overcome those. I don't want you now. But I know at the age of eighty I'd be sitting on my favourite chair waiting for death to embrace me and hoping that atleast we would end up together in a parallel universe.

"Time heals everything." you said. It was easy for you wasn't it ? To just spit those words out. No you weren't wrong. But it takes time. Healing is messy. A soul that was once attached has to now detach itself from the other soul. Well, time does heal. Your heart gets tired of feeling heinous, feeling worthless and sad all the time. It decides to let go as it no longer can take it. Have you ever questioned your little heart how much pain it has been through? The pain never ends if you're still holding on when you know you shouldn't be. The pain feeds off your memories. It just gets stronger day by day. //
Everything seems fine until somebody takes your name. The name that ran in my veins once. The name my day started and ended with. The name that meant so much to me. It's more or less like we never happened.  It was just a semblance I imagined it to be. But when I think about you now it feels deplorable. You turned and twisted my heart. I mistook  you to be artless but you knew what you were doing. You knew I was into you. Very much into you. Although you didn't feel the same you kept leading me on. Why? Just why?  You broke my tiny heart before I could even hold you in my arms. I don't know what your intentions were but it was evident from the scars on my body and the knife in your hand that you were just slowly killing me. I thought you were not stable and needed more love. My brain refused but my heart was stubborn. I started thinking with my heart. My heart was so kind and naive. I gave you my everything without asking anything in return. I always wanted the best for you. That's the reason I have never been satisfied in love. How could you even say you loved me when you never did? Did it never bug you ? Didn't you realize that you were making a promise with someone else's heart? My fault. Didn't know a person who looked so much like an angel would turn out to be the devil. It was like a hurricane wrapped inside a chrysalis.