nathan

nathan Sep 2020

tired

tired tired tired
reconnaissance on my mental
it’s seen better days
clear the haze and you’ll see my
body patiently waiting
scathing pain in my failure
but you won’t see me shaking
my physique will never wither
weathered by texas summers
survived the fray of our strength
and at the same time
the blunders of my being
never overshadowed my faith

keep my heart to God
even amid the pouring rain
i’m my brother’s keeper
yet i stand alone
a keepsake
a keepsake for my better days
seeing the fabrication of
love shown through the
shining rays of my smiling face
but who’s gonna be there
at my wake
carrying me away to my maker
helpless times i’m in
and that’s all i have to savor

- negassie

nathan Aug 2020

to my sisters and brothers fighting for our freedom (at days end)

to my sisters and brothers
fighting for our freedom
may your hearts settle
like the leaves past the summit
of a windy day
lay on the floor with your tears and your trauma
deep breaths
your mind needs the moment to emit the karma

your pain will be dealt towards the responsible
you must let it leave at your heaviest
release all the tension from days and
weeks and
months of constant worry
and sorrow
of tomorrow’s you will never ask for

let your mind, body and soul
settle
like we have been
forced to do as a people
for generations
this will work in your favor,
so you’ll be ready to
demand your freedom again
mind you, this is daily
you go through cycles and processes for your life
your sisters and brothers lives
your familial successors lives
so regenerate
nobody’s drained like you
we’re deep in the storm, so
these cycles will be worth it
so we will end up seeing skies of blue

to my sisters and brothers
i’m here fighting
i’m here with you
for you
strongest spirits on this earth,
incomparable
so, as this day ends, i must ask of you:
settle yourself
for tomorrow is brand new
(with the same cycle...
but you know what i’m
trying to tell you)

- negassie

instagram.com/sutured.soul

#poetry #pain #sutured #again

nathan Aug 2020

passion and turmoil

passion and turmoil
circle around me like it’s
ring around the rosie
the former acting as a
tributary to the latter
swellings of emotion are
very scant in positivity
leading to bodies of time where
nothing really matters

cross tucked to my chest
holy reverence past my life
moving to the next
blessed yet cursed
this passion works in ways that
hurt my soul
haunted heart
i’ve seen this from the start
my fire can envelop me whole

the light’s shone in my eyes
my light is salvageable
the rather daunting sky
can be quite malleable
with a heart of steel
and a mind that’s palpable

yet a mind of such strength
can hold tears that
you have yet to cry
demoralization that leads to a sigh
passion and turmoil work
hand-in-hand
so we pray that time flies
so we can hide until we’ve
weathered the strife
make my eulogy brief
please mention my
emblazoned spirit
as well as my fight to feel free
sifting through
heartache and misery
passion and turmoil has
drained all of my energy

- negassie

instagram.com/sutured.soul

#poetry #pain #sutured #again

nathan Aug 2020

in battle

my soul has achieved *******
against its sacred enemy
trembling in the face of pain
but then i turn towards my world
and appear sane
emotions told plain
rain or shine
i’ll know that God’s time
is my time

impact of the
feeling of hurt
is sublime
at war with “protectors”
being black’s the crime
added torture from the
sorrow of injustice
took a toll on me
“free” and me can’t mix
i’ve known that since time

at a crossroads between
time and the end of it
angels drowned by demons
i know the David in this situation
lose your hope to Goliath?
you’ll see his triumph
God’s warriors never give
no matter how much we may try
i know time works on His accord
my prayer feels
drained and droning
i’m leaning on myself
but all we have is that
ourselves
so what am i to cry for

- negassie

instagram.com/sutured.soul

#poetry #pain #sutured #again

nathan Aug 2020

peace // relativity

laying with myself
pleading for my freedom
tryna find peace
yet it’s fleeting
envisioning flying away
to a better day
even if it’s fluttering
just as i see my heart to be
in tumultuous moments

potent poison of
joy’s deprivation
sputtering words,
used as shutterbugs
for my vulnerable soul
they hit the ground, shattering
deaf ears do take a toll
praying that i cover ground
on my journey to the beyond
pound for pound against my demons
this search for solace
made me strong
patience rooted in me
all i know is
He never did me wrong

my measurement of hope’s
relative to the
lack of faith i may feel
treacherous, hopeless moments
times i wanna keel over
my measurement of tomorrow
is always relative to my yesterdays
pain of missed opportunity
or times i pray don’t fade away
my measurement of joy
is relative to my sorrow
lack of self-worth
or a sobering to the time that
we have borrowed

my relativity is deemed
a detriment
i’m sure of it
my self-assessment has
never been without context
droughts in my mental
that’s why i end up despondent
or one-track minded on
the basis of my false promises
i give them to myself
i truly have no one to blame
aching, scathing pain
all i can do is pray
for better days

- negassie

instagram.com/sutured.soul

#poetry #pain #sutured #again

nathan Aug 2020

the kids we used 2 be (intro)

infants
swaddled in the arms of
our loved ones
seeds being tucked deep
in the depths of our heart
lessons never forgotten
things we learned from
the very start
they kept us intact
even if we felt like
things were falling apart
intellectual upstarts
those blessings really
took us far

the kids we used 2 be
were free
every moment was a morning breeze
or sometimes we were isolated
growing up was the only thing
we could've done
but it made us who we are
never take it for granted
no matter what the hurt
even if our right to childhood was
reprimanded

young bucks with dreams
of flying higher than doves
unleashing untapped potential
daydreams spirited
with deep self-trust
no matter how good or bad it was
no matter the tribulation
no matter how tough
we'll always look at
the kids we used 2 be
with love

- negassie

instagram.com/sutured.soul

#pain #poetry #sutured #again

nathan Jul 2020

pray

praying that the
abyss wash away
with the pain
and the hatred
of self
pray that this
hell just turns to wealth
in my foolish mind
a lot of my peers say I'm blind
no, I'm hiding behind my hands
that's why the truth can be so hard to find

through the hurt
I wake up every morning
pray to my God and
give Him thanks
I stay devout to Him
He watches over us
while we lay
though the insufferableness
increases by the day
I still pray in faith
that the truth reveals itself
somehow
some way

I'd be lying exclaiming
I ain't have some thoughts
to give up
"I cant" spirals through my head
preoccupied with the
punitive prison of living
sometimes, I trip up
I keep the same people around me
the cup was overflowed with love
the opps poked some holes
but I'm still prayed up
feel the end coming
I keep my cross close
if it's a wrap
I know the Lord I pray to
is my host in heaven,
the Land of Hope

- negassie

instagram.com/sutured.soul

#pain #poetry #sutured #again