There's a whole in my  heart
There's water in my  blood
there 's a space in my  brain
and there is a crack in my  smile
darkness is my hope black is my happy am broken am hurt
there's tears in my eyes
this poem is a drug that takes away my pain
it just ME, DARKNESS and the thought of being ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I was little my aunt told me a story about this little girl who was just  like me. Heart so pure, smile so bright . In the end she would always call me her little time bomb.
see am a contradicting ticking time bomb , I could make my enter surrounding change with my next move . with that known I did me, not caring about who's around or who will get hurt as long as am happy my timer will never stop.I  had no emotion  towards anything or anyone for I knew if I stop my time will run out and everything  around me will have to bear that pain ,so I made it my responsibility to reduce that pain reduce the amount that surrounds me so when that day comes when I explode and no longer breathe it's OK, for I will be remembered  and not only for what I  had but for what I gave and the way I did.
My biggest fear is oblivion  but am inevitable! I must end and to know there was a time before me and there will be a time after me scares the crap out of me cause people will not exists and no one will be left to remember me .
That day , that cold winter day you passed me and smile barely even noticing me but my timer went 0-100 and I could not ketch my breathe and as you come out of sight it stop . I realized that day you where my time keeper .
Then came spring when we shared our first hello and for the first time my bomb stop ticking and I had feelings , my emotions ring, my heart beat normal for a change at first I loved it , but then I started to break for I started to lose you  and even dough I knew, my heart would not let me forgot you, you stored away my timer some where I could not even see .
Am a bomb without a timer am child without a soul, am a tree without leaves , am and ocean without water .
am a child and your my womb am asking to please let me go let me explode and cease to exist , I will no longer be a pain in your *** no longer be that guilt in your heart I will no longer hold you back please just set me off my timer is in your hand , any minute now am ready to go.
I no longer live with the fear of oblivion  for the timer who keeps me and the lover who lost me , the boy friend who never knew me, and the friend that saw right through me , will be the ones who will remember me for now I cease to exist

Ever had that feeling that no one cares even the people who constantly say things like am here for you but is never around the ones who say just call me and when you do they don't answer , people who make promises and never commit but isn't a promise a comfort to a fool , then call me stupid cause I  fell for it several times  am way pass the stage of a fool .
I got trust issues!! and its way pass crazy when you find that you  don't even trust your mother when you can't look at her and crack a smile for a few seconds because in the blink of an eye she takes it away.
I had a nightmare last night and I wake up trying to ketch my breathe but the truth  is it was my reality standing in front of everyone and no one can see me dying .
My alarm went off and this time I didn't  even know what for, screaming and beating ,cursing and scowling my mother went off from 6 -8 in the morning, lord know this my favorite way to wake up  giving me enough energy to go through my day all gloomy and **** but he always seem to cheer me up with the sound of his voice cause its a Cole world and all I gotta do is CHEER UP .

cause even through the joy i feel the pain even when it sun i feel the rain even when am  high i feel the low likes that's all I know and lord knows i can't complain cause even when i do it feels the same getting high just to fight the lows cause that all i know .....
So cheer up



#NanaJustice