why?

why can't i bring myself to happiness

why do i feel so alone

like is there something wrong with me

why is it so ******* hard to just eat,sleep,get out of ******* bed!

why do i feel so broken

why do i feel so numb all the time

people say go outside in joy the sun

but when i go outside anxiety and my fears are like a record player in my head

saying all the things that can go wrong

i can't ******* do it

im tired of the things that go through my mind every ******* moment of my life

like whats worth the fight when you know your going to lose

whats worth living when theres nothing left to live for

depression

depression is like sadness

but never goes away

sadness is where your sad for a day and the next your happy

depression is where it never goes away every day you get worse in worse

deeper into the dark tunnel of depression

the further you get the worse the depression gets

then anxiety comes along

is the bestfriend of depression

they make you feel broken.numb.scared

they fill your head of things that you need to worry about

depression makes you feel like your selfish

''like yea i know i have a good life,good family,food on the table,roof over my head''

i know i shouldn't be depressed but for some reason i can't bring myself to be happy

and people have it worse out there in the world

and im over here having all i could want in the world but happiness

i feel so **** selfish because if that

i don't want this life anymore

i hate it

i hate me

i hate society

i hate depression

depression *****

anxiety *****

life *****

the world *****

everything is just really ******

likes whats the point ant more

when life dumbs you with disipointments

do you know what i would give to be normal
to get rid of this dang depression
to be pretty
to not be scared to talk to people
to go outside without feeling like people are judging you
to not be lonely
to have a good relationship with my family
to have my father in my life
hell i wouldn't be this ****** up if i was normal
all i want to be is normal
but i can't
no matter how hard i try