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eileen Aug 2019
head held high
the people won't mind
waving goodbye
I swallow the key
door locked

last thoughts
last chance
I'm the living sacrifice

water running
I hear the children laugh
the gates are closed

adrift
searching for my missing happiness
87
eileen Jul 2018
87
When the rain falls down
I miss you

What to say
Smile fading away

In a instant
Flash of lightning

A flood of feelings
I can't touch

Drowning in doubt

When the rain falls down
What to see

Thunder in my head

Knew this was coming
The storm far away

Appeared before my eyes
886
eileen Jan 2019
886
Never say I love you
I might say a goodbye
tysm for 800+ followers
10w
888
eileen Feb 2021
888
I just want to cry in the rain
I'd like to scream out loud to drown the pain

it hurts me a little
to accept the feelings
of missing you

last summer
I wanted to die everyday

I'm so happy
I don't feel that way anymore

my sadness is everlasting
I love the way it settles into my heart

happiness is beautiful
I've seen myself smile once

love to me
is unknown

looking for teardrop
I can't find it

I know a secret
I can tell

every moment is forever
there is no time to escape
we are born now
and we die here
eileen Sep 2018
Glowing sunlight
under the heavy clouds
mountainside
what's on the other side

Let's catch the sun
buy me a star

I want to keep them in my room

I don't know

I don't want to be alone

I'm afraid of giving up

I'm so scared of being alone

In this grey world

Where no one knows
eileen Jan 2016
You can be the cause
Of your own
Destruction
And
Happiness
eileen Jan 2016
Don't make me rot in my
Head

Make my thoughts
Happy again
A.
eileen Dec 2020
A.
angel
devil in disguise

I think you did something to me
it wasn't right

you and me
we lie

it's the only way
we sleep at night

a tragic story
our relationship is broken and unloving

paint a smile on our faces
uncomfortable conversations

put the devil in your name
there's nothing angelic about your face

together we make
the perfect lie

we're only happy
until we're caught in our web of lies
eileen Dec 2017
sometimes I wish we had green skin
and purple eyes
a sixth sense
wings to fly

we're just too simple
dull
when will I be able to
live underwater

have you opened your eyes
the whole world
is one big lie

Evil runs
the people
we'll never have control

when can I be invisible
read your mind
reach my hand
towards somewhere
inside this white screen
aa
eileen Nov 2017
aa
I'm looking around
trying to find the sound
reading the skies

intellectual space
has touched my face
and I can hear the bells ring

it's either 12 or 8 PM

looking around
trying to see the song
in the bells dins

I use to love the vibrations
the notes and tones
now it's all down the drain

will you still play
your lost voice
inside my head

I got a trauma demon
on my back
crying whenever
I try to see it
I can still feel it
eileen Oct 2018
black box
with a lock

thrown at the bottom of a lake

tell me where my soul lays

If this is love
I hate you
If this is hate
I love you

I want to be a ghost
I cursed my shadow

I want to whisper in your ear
feel you shiver

I want to be a ghost

knock on locked
closed doors

on open windows

If this is hate
I love you so
If this is love
I hate you so

Where's my soul

locked
in a
black box

Better to have the darkness contained
overflowing
would make a mess

I love you
I hate you

I don't want to scare you off
but
I've sold my soul
to a high class demon

I asked
for flowers
that live forever
a sky of rain that stays forever
the moon must shine at daytime
the sun will live at nighttime
I asked
to be invisible

feathers
dripping white blood

have I lost everything about myself
have I gained everything I wanted to be
Abc
eileen Nov 2017
Abc
See you're making new friends
Slowly forgetting about me

The distance
The tension
Less conversations

I just want the day to come
When we act like strangers

We won't remember
The days we were together

Your standing in the shadows
I just want to be in the sunlight

We can't hold hands
Oceans apart

I can feel
You slipping away
From my heart
eileen May 2018
I see you from the storm
you're in the clear

I no longer love you like I use to

You've never listened to a word I've said


what makes me happy
makes me smile and laugh

You breathe with anger and envy

You'll never be happy like me
eileen Jun 2018
I miss everyone
and everything


I can hear them whisper
within my teardrops

I can't forget you

I saw you in my dreams last night

I was hoping it would come to life
eileen Oct 2019
dream dream dream
of
me
me
me

let's meet in our sleep
forgive me for all of the things
I never do

you speak a love language
I don't know
eileen Nov 2018
let my skin heal
my scars
died
into dead leaves
it's winter
they're all dead

piles of burgundy
on the concrete

don't wait outside for me
I'll always stay inside

thank you
for loving
my words
and lies

I believe I have no face

slowly
waves crashed
creating
a face

within the words
and endless letters
eileen Nov 2020
seventeen
it was fun
till it wasn't

seventeen
haunts me

seventeen
hates me

seventeen
isn't real

seventeen
was ugly

seventeen
don't leave

seventeen
I never want to see you again

seventeen
I'll do it all again

seventeen
you're the worst

seventeen
I love you
eileen Sep 2017
someone's walking up the stairs
up and down
I see shadows from the window
my guardian angel
said their hurt
now I'm suffering too

looked cloudy from the inside
walked outside
and it's not

pins on me
you put them on
my skin
for decoration
buttons on my legs
I was bleeding
forever

you say to change my hair
and rip up all my clothes
oh violent
teddy bear of mine
I have to take away
the scissors from your hands

giving me nightmares
at night
no longer hugging you

hope to burn you down
violent love

now your the shadow I see
going up and down
the one who attacked
my angel
giving me delusions too

couldn't fill up your heart
with love
so now you fill mine with fear

paranoia
paranoia
eyes open
all the time
eileen Dec 2021
I've gotta hold myself back
I don't want to look at
you

I'm tempted
I'm wasted
thinking about
you

how quickly you disappeared
will you remember me if I stand near
you

giving up was hard
moving on is harder
I only wanted to keep you longer

I can't let you go
I can't leave

you're the one holding me
I want to pull you closer

these confusing dreams
insanity follows me awake

you
I can't see
I can't give up

you
in my thoughts
in my skin

you
disappear into my mouth
love me in hidden ways
eileen Nov 2017
can't you see
we don't bleed the same
I'm trying to silence the voices
I hope you have a great time out
that's what it's all about

we don't sleep at the same hour
you want me to talk into the air
told me I was dark matter
yeah a black hole
is somewhere in my room
swallowing me up whole

I keep swimming
the fence I'm building
coming along
nose above the surface
barely breathing

I was feeling glorious
till the morning
losing my understanding
my thoughts all together

I can feel all my past lives
cheering
I'm hearing them say
come back
to the places
where you knew
how to make it

the spirits and ghosts
the gods
the plants and animals

are all staring at me
I can smell them questioning

are you going to make it
are you gonna fake **it
eileen Oct 2017
If I love a girl
Will I go to hell
eileen Oct 2018
to ask for your love
is impossible
there is none
10W
eileen Jul 2020
is it halloween soon
I miss november

the first time I saw those yellow walls
I knew trouble was in the waking

I shut myself down
december was hot

I melted down
I watched the blood on my arms

then I found her again
crying in front of me
I didn't let a single tear fall

I felt so strong
now all I see
is a weak child

they just wanted a hug

I can't wait for the leaves to fall
I'll wear my red coat

my first winter
eileen Jun 2019
sometimes i just wanna know
are you sleeping
are you awake
are you dreaming
what are you eating
what does that mouth say
dying to stare into those eyes
driving out into the city life
i bet i could go faster
you torture me
leaving
wondering
I'm always wondering
what's under your skin
eileen Sep 2018
// What will you say now that I'm dead \

I killed myself
I'm lifeless
no one sees me
everyone is crying
yet I don't see their frowns
walk away
hurry up

I died
only to save me

I'm dead
I killed myself
where's all the love
I assumed they loved me

no one feels sorry
no one sees my bare body

my vacant eyes
drained of life

now I feel betrayed

six feet under
eileen Oct 2018
Does he like me
maybe not

Gathering on the 21st
will I see you first

Does he love me
maybe yes

Confrontation
such a mess

I just want him to know

I have no face
no name

I have no identity

You can't trust me
don't believe me

I'm tired of feeling this way

We kissed and the whole world fell away

The seven seas
are empty
the four winds blow intoxicated
the sun is broken
moon covered in blood
as the constellations fall

We kissed and the whole world fell apart
eileen Sep 2018
cutting my fingers off

I want to befriend the birds
that land by my window
in the morning

the cat that almost
came inside my kitchen
the same morning

cutting out my eyes

I want to leave my home
take a one-way ticket to the moon

foot on the gas
passing all the red lights
I'm ready to go

twisting my skin
turning into dust

passing all the stop signs
I'm ready to go

swallow my tongue

I've gone insane
in a few days

the flesh on my body
melting away

I'm eating up clouds
but I still feel so hollow

I know my heart will always stay shallow
eileen Jan 17
it's not enough
to burn myself for you

it's not enough
to lose my mind and body

it's the missed details
all of the unseen marks

I can't wake up today
so close my door if you decide to stay

I'll hate myself again
when I realize I can only write in pain

here it starts
this is where it begins

from the top to the bottom
of a page

it's not enough
to be addicted

it's not enough
to lose my reality

when all I want to do
is sink further into
a suffocating abyss

this one is different than the rest
it's a different type of darkness

even if it hurts and kills me
just as the others did
eileen Aug 2018
I can't imagine

I won't feel pity
nor will I say sorry

I'll tell her
You are strong

Stronger than those lost bones
Than the lost flesh

I can't imagine

not touching the ground
even if I'm always in the clouds

I can't imagine not walking to my bed
even when I'm always there

to never touch the bathtub floor
water flowing around my toes

I know you're afraid
and scared of a sudden loss

You've lived a long life
I know you can overcome this
and heal

It'll take a while for the light to come in

It takes 8 minutes for sunlight to reach earth
You've seen it come and go
for over sixty years

Let us see it a few more
eileen Oct 2015
Walking in the forest of life
For that I'll always see darkness
And light
eileen May 2020
can you turn the lights off
again
again

control
my biggest illusion

no
no
I like the hurt myself
it will burn


will you hate me
let me know

it's all my fault
I know
I know

I won't tell anyone of my failures

I'm sorry
I was waiting for you to save me

I'm still waiting

it's too late
forgive me
eileen Dec 2015
What's your mom like I asked
She passed away he said

Your dad ?
He's in prison

Your life sounds complicated
Not really he said

Maybe it was that he was strong
Or just young & naive

He still acts silly
eileen Apr 2022
what's on your mind
I can't tell you what's on mine

disconnected
are we still best friends

I can be isolating
you're away in unknown places

trying to find new love
even if you cross my mind

tempted
and delusional

hoping we find our way back together
I can't find someone better

you're the worst of all
no one hurts me like you

you're so unloving
leave me wanting more

more and more till
I crumble apart

keep to myself
don't ever give up

crack my heart open
I have to leave you
you'll love me after I go
eileen Sep 2018
In my arms
I hold the sun

The one and only
you look up to in the mornings

I've disappeared
leaving you in a shadow

I hear it in my sleep
the distant drips and drops

I dream of an understanding

A universal language
between the stars and I

I hear it in my daydreams
eileen Feb 2019
I can whoever I want to be

I don't need your opinion
you'll always be ignored

I can be whoever I want

I'll love whoever I want
I'll do whatever I want
I'll go wherever I want
I'll leave whenever I want

I'll be whoever I want

you don't need to say something

I know there's someone out there like me

I'm not special
I'm not unique
I'm not weird
I'm not different
I'm not anything they want me to be

I'm not alone
we're not alone

Yoh stand alone
You and your dimmed views
Aid
eileen Oct 2017
Aid
I miss hanging out in the library
the calm silence
and the people screaming from the shelves

Where we would see each other sometimes
I miss it

The comfortable loneliness
the stacks of books
waiting

am I dreaming
was I dreaming

I miss the library
eileen Jan 2018
You're stuck in my mind
I wonder where am I

the full moon
blood
the blue moon
helped me get out of the trance

I wonder where I am
who am I

I know that

Where did you go
are you well

have you learned your lesson?

It feels like I'm living in Nirvana

come at me
ask a million questions
I'll answer swiftly

I love myself
a little too much
for my own good

It almost feels like Eden

I'm no longer spinning
walking in a circle

this is serious
I'm fine

-----------------------------------------------------------­---------------------

I feel like I'm wandering into abandoned space

I've reached the edge of the universe

I see another dimension

I'm lost

I feel infinite
eileen Nov 2018
I'm afraid to die
because
I might come back to life
10w
eileen Sep 2018
You left me to
Decay

I wonder if you ever loved me
You're insane
You're beautiful
crazy
lovely
Always lonely

Will you ever make it

You got masks
for every new person

Growing up alone
You never know

acting like a *****
Love isn't enough for you

Will you ever make it
I wish you never faked it

I was
always loving you

Where did my heart go wrong  

Now I feel nothing

No more
No more
eileen Feb 2019
Daydreams
free fall
I can't wait to not see you anymore

Grey jacket
your glasses
messy hair
silly butterfly surprises

You're my Sunday blessing
You're an early birthday gift
You're the first ray of sun on chilly afternoon

I can't wait to see you again

once I step out of my skin
maybe we can be friends

maybe once I don't cry when I think about you
we can date

Daydreams
fallen into a deep sleep
so never
doesn't exist
eileen Oct 2018
Should I hide
or pull out my veins

shush now
shadows will find you

feeling faint
sincerity
the petals carried
are dripping
with the darkest of sin

oh shush
they can hear you
voices carry

I trust no body

I won't reach forty
so close
I'll bite my fingers off
skin's peeling off

shush now
their coming

breathing in the fire
eileen Feb 2018
one-Mississippi
two-Mississippi
lightning traveling faster
than thunder
hurry

It's outpouring
sideways rain

the clouds running away

where are you going

not cold
I'm not cold
I'm used to this bitter feeling

bending backward to see the sky leaving
eileen Jun 2018
want to know all my secrets
I run the streets
in the pouring rain
june isn't what I expected

faced my seasonal depression
it's welcomed inside my room

now I dream every day
of a strange day
I can't remember
eileen Nov 2018
I met a stranger today
said he missed me
I've been away
for months
but I don't know remember his name

I put a pause on real life
just to feel stuck inside my own mind

How I miss you dearly
nobody will ever miss me
like I do

everyone forgets too soon
eileen Jul 2021
i wish i could call you everyday
just to hear your voice

i think i made a mistake
i feel like a fool
for falling

someone i can't have
everything we do leads to nothing
eileen Feb 2018
I've become nothing

The colors I see
Aren't so charming
Like they use to be

I'm nothing

I don't understand anything
eileen May 2018
I could give you the
world the stars the moon the sun
you give me nothing
eileen Oct 2019
the blood on my hands
I'll never be pure again
10w
eileen Nov 2019
ninety something, one hundred ways, torture comes in waves
you write little boxes, small words, open lines I don't understand
you talk about nothing, you write about lost places, frightened faces this isn't okay I'll remember this next time I find you again
waiting in line times I tried I didn't lie I said everything is fine
in my head it is I keep going down to the dark side I hope you care
one day I'll talk about it, ninety something, a thousand ways, silence is felt indifferent messing with my head bad dreams I won't wake up
it's cold the sounds are gone I feel numb living all alone
eileen Oct 2020
what happened to being so invincible

don't blame it on the weather

it's not so late
why so sleepy at this hour

you used to be so good
you had it all in the palm of your hand

falling asleep so soon
can't open your eyes

goodnight
your mistakes will greet in the morning
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