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eileen Nov 2019
standing under a sea of stars
I want to stay there forever in the dark

I wish I was a star
living
shining
only in the night sky

so you can only see me
when the sun falls

I'm myself when
everyone is asleep

this is who I want to be
someday
eileen Aug 2018
She's feeling dead inside
her heart beat frozen

so strange
How she writes of only heartbreak

Talking of love with an empty feeling

It was only a cloudy day
you don't have to be so sad

It won't rain soon

The sun will shine

Love only hits you
when it wants to

so stop crying if he doesn't love you
You can always love someone else
who will accept your heart

It doesn't always have to be about
broken hearts
and lost feelings

You can live life
without falling in love

loving yourself
eileen Mar 2019
I'm addicted to the rain

placed my bed under a cloud

stuffed lightning in my pillow
thunder in the air

I'm addicted
to the cold

sleeping in the rain
dancing inside thunder
singing on lightning

I was born on a sunny day
but I belong in the rain

I talk to the clouds
my best friends

I'm not crying
the sky is so sad
for me

sleeping in lightning
dancing in the rain
singing with thunder in my head

I belong to a cloudy sky
every day it rains

why so sad
all
because of me
liz
eileen Oct 2020
liz
all of your last words
drowning in a fire

the flames are melting
all of your sweet dreams

your last goodbye
I'll never read it

I don't ever look back
eileen Oct 2017
Mhm
She says
Loves the white lines
On the table
And now it's up her head

She can't get enough
Loving the effects
Separating white lines
Now she's upside down

Can't hear the reason
The sirens
Eyes all the way up
And head down
Her head isn't working

she likes it
So she's doing it
On the weekdays

Maybe even on Saturday's
eileen Sep 2020
bitter

no one has ever loved me
in ways I dream of

no one has confessed
no one wants to die for me

I'm so bitter

I hate love

even if
I want to badly fall in love

no one has ever looked at me
saying
look at my world

I'm not handsome
not pretty

I don't smile
I don't frown

I'm just bitter

I don't dress nice
I don't really care

so bitter

love will never find me
eileen Feb 2018
I'm not sure
I understand anything

I fell asleep outside
woke up to a dark sky

I was instantly mad
after a while
I saw a star
beneath a heavy cloud
it disappeared
my skin
felt raw
my lips were bare
almost scared

I went through all kinds of emotions, disturbances
in less than three hours

I couldn't comprehend

there's no way to explain
eileen Oct 2021
invisible love

tell me you have invisible love for me

I'm asking for a miracle

I really liked you

I have the worst luck ever

forget about me
please remember me
there's no in between

I'm selfish
I want you all to myself

you were everything I had
I'm hearing all your favorite songs

I know I'm losing you
losing every chance

it's all my fault

no matter what happens
I never want to let you go
you're forever mine now
eileen Dec 2018
Why do you love me
only
when we are in the house of god
?
eileen Sep 2018
No one knows the real you
like I do

I want to tell him

Why hide away

Smoke your cigarettes
in front of your mom

Drink with your dad

You have that mischievous smile
Always looking for trouble

No one knows you like I do

I don't want to say

You're not as innocent as they say

Pretty dress
pretty colored lips

No one knows
I don't even know you
most of the time
eileen Nov 2015
lights cars passing by
i'm up so high
the wind gets
crazy at night

long walk to the middle
people see you at the side
but its worth my time

everything seems fine
at the side of a bridge

yet the bottom seems scary
but you don't want to fall yet

beautiful nights
beautiful lights

i want to walk on
the side all night
eileen Oct 2017
I've been in solitude
and I want you to join me too

I want you to sit in darkness
just like me

forget about the world
and think up in space

where no one knows
our name

it seemed okay
Oh she scared me away
eileen Feb 2019
there's no one for me
feel like a lost star seed
where's my real home
not here
it's not earth
it's not you
humans
are too wild
don't care about my side
fools me twice
there's no one left in this world like me
I'm shallow
there's nothing to love
homesick
even when I'm home
feeling alone
even when I have someone close

I know I'll die lonely
eileen Mar 2019
I'm climbing trees
I'm losing life

I'm petrified of becoming the person I hate

Inside
And
Outside

I asked for rain
I have it all
I left everyone
I never wanted to be left alone

Still the night doesn't seem too forgiving

Everything I've done this week
haunts me

I've done nothing
eileen Feb 2019
I wish I was invisible sometimes

just to stare at you longer
eileen Dec 2020
my only constant

the constant voice
telling me something is wrong

something doesn't feel right
it never does

wish I could get up
start my day early

blame the weather
the heavy clouds pressure me

nothing hurts
I'm too robotic

I haven't found my soul
time is cutting close
eileen Nov 2020
the time has come

I have everything I want

now I can't close my eyes

I can't see anything in front of me

all these changing colors

falling with the leaves

what if days feel like a blur

will I forget everything we do

are we ever together

I hope you're happy

the time is coming

I feel ripped apart

I can breathe

so satisfied

so content

I need to retrace my steps

how did I get here

if the old me is listening

please hear me
can be read reversed /
eileen Oct 2017
no matter how much
I try to ignore you

you always manage a way
to pop yourself back into my life
eileen Feb 2020
our love is a joke

for you
I can be a fool

blinded
I can't hear it

you're full of tricks
I'm entertained

I'm convinced the sky is green
if you tell me

I'm a little off
loving you is surreal
eileen Oct 2018
Dreaming alone
with no one to hold
I feel refreshed moving clouds floating west
There's nothing to worry about right now
Tomorrow my millions of worries
slowly creep inside my body
for when I wake up
I'll brush my teeth
I've not noticed
the sun is missing
eileen Sep 2017
You make everything seem
So dark
You don't even acknowledge  
The sun

It brightens the day
For us and the trees

You don't even notice the butterflies
On the leafs

Easily
You could see

Never have i been
Stuck in hole
Where i did not see the beauty
Of the natural world

She doesn't want to see
eileen May 2022
writing letters
I can never give

if I could so easily
say the words to you

would you run far away
or come closer

I try to remember everything about you
everything we did
remind myself you exist outside my dreams

when I met you
it felt like we knew the ending before the start

this friendship
is a disguise

all the feelings I can't admit
three words together make no sense
eileen Mar 2020
I'm a loser

I lose everything

I lost you

lost myself too

am I crazy

why did everyone leave

all my dreams were stars

they died

surrounded by black holes

I lost all the stars to the night sky

I lost the sun too

I'm a loser
eileen May 2020
you have a pretty face
you wouldn't understand my pain
eileen Jan 2020
eager
to peel off my skin

if I could change my voice
I'd be louder

if I could see
smaller

impatient

I'm falling asleep
after waking up

good morning
it's 4 am

I want to rip my nails off
welcome the pain

this isn't my day
tomorrow is the same
eileen Nov 2018
tomorrow I will sit in silence
I don't believe them
eileen Oct 2020
I'm avoiding your calls
still don't feel like talking to you

would like to have a simple conversation
bur you're someone different

I hate our phone calls
let me not answer them ever again
eileen Sep 2019
today I didn't love myself
and today I gave up
10w
eileen Oct 2020
humans are hateful
filled with greed and hunger

unsatiable

we are our own destruction

there is no God

we are alone

filled with fear
eileen Nov 2015
Smoke & cigarettes
My whole life

Because my friends
Would think
It's nice

I Think I ruined my whole
Life

Because I'm addicted
To smelling
The smoke
Every night

Just can't live the right life
Now that
I got my pack
Of cigarettes

But too bad
I don't have my lighter
eileen Oct 2017
I've been seeking love in
empty bodies

I ate your silence
without even fighting

why are you even hiding
now that you ruined something
so pure
you won't ever return

a lost friendship hurts
I gave you all of me
and now you're out
with someone else

I haven't decided whether
to erase our memories or not
I still hope
for your return
even when I know
you won't
eileen Jun 2018
Later never comes
Sleeping in the afternoon
I'm waiting for you
eileen Dec 2018
real sadness is not being able to hear the rain
10w
eileen Jul 2018
Can't decide if memories
are lost dreams

That I keep daydreaming

And if when I'm sleeping
I'm reliving moments from the past

I can never tell
I'm dreaming

Nor if I'm living
eileen Jul 2021
you're beautifully tainted and flawed

I love you
for reasons I can't say

I wonder how you got inside my heart
I never let you inside

maybe this is love
wish it was stronger
it's weak and falling apart

you're telling me to give up
I wish I could leave you

are we only together and happy
in a fantasy

you're all I want
but that is not enough

I wish I knew what words to say
so you can stay

will anything change your mind

it hurts to know I can't love you

hurts to know
you will leave

you cut me
before I could ever bloom
eileen Apr 2018
You'll never die
You're living in infinite moments
lost in space

Replaying over and over
This moment won't ever end
Nor be longer
eileen Dec 2021
every time I look at myself I see you

am I your puppet
or are you mine?

I can't find the exit
acting like you're wasted
you know exactly what you're saying

did you find your reason to exist
made a list

don't hate me
turning cold

I feel sick
painfully hurt

I hope you rest soon
left you inside

want you to cry
can you love
did you see it all

everything I give
so I can receive
eileen Apr 2020
where do lost books go
you made me lose it all

where do lost souls go
I can't feeling anything anymore

I'm waiting for a day
I can find my heart again
eileen Feb 2019
nothing comes to mind
to bring her back

she left Ana in shock

she left
without a goodbye

nothing comes to mind
all they do is cry

come around
say hello

I wouldn't mind
meeting your ghost
eileen Feb 2018
There use to be a day
Where I said I love you
And I didn't need to think twice

But now its changed
I feel alive
Alive and empty
At the same time

I'm here to tell you

I love you
And if you love me
I don't believe you

I would do anything for you
But you wouldn't

I love you

And it's fine that you don't

I'm standing in
Slow rain
Alone

I can see a blue sky
Beneath the clouds

When it turns into night
I see a black sky

Ever since
I gave myself
Away

I can't see the stars
Shine

Now everyday
I see a useless
Black night sky
eileen Oct 2017
m a y b e
you had it coming

karma and
bad energy

m a y b e
you had to see

dangerous games
you play

m a y b e
you shouldn't

now everyone is happy
but all they want is your money

m a y b e
you'll get caught

run faster

they'll catch up
eventually
you know
eileen May 2019
your love is grey
it doesn't feel cold
I never feel warm

your love is grey
I don't feel it
sometimes I only want to see it

your heart is broken
I swim deep waters
to reach the missing pieces

I cut my wings
to keep you warm

why is your love so grey?
never get a smile
or expression of pain

not a sound of love
or sight of hate
eileen Oct 2022
my mother was an alcoholic
drinking one more just to sleep
so I started to drink too
even if I didn't like the taste

I just wanted her to love me
to hold me tight
oh she was so broken
so I climbed inside her empty heart
tried to start a fire
but she left me dead and cold
in that hallow space

I went to waste
couldn't find someone to love me
I took all she had
all of her pain
I made it my own
in my little head
I believed if
she couldn't love me
at least she could hurt me
in the ugliest ways
maybe one day she'd realize
her worst mistakes

but I'm older now
she never takes the blame
I was never the victim
was I supposed to hate her
is it too late

I never once exploded
swallowed it down
that's why she likes me
because I put on my fake smile
tell her I'm okay
when in reality
I never processed a **** thing
stuck in my 12 year old mentality
frozen in that body

mother please love me
it hurts when you never put me first
I was your daughter
waiting my turn
eileen Jul 2019
heavy feelings
we were caught in the middle
and I listen to 26
when I miss you

empty swimming pools
we floated
higher than the birds
will you keep the memory breathing

am I the one who keeps it living
I know you
you know that
you try and change the facts

hard times crashed
cutting waves against my skin
my heart frowned
I didn't miss you

cutting away my heart
I missed you everyday

every burning summer
I miss you

let the winter fall
so I can forget you
eileen Jun 2018
I miss holding the devils hand at night
The way he whispered how I was nothing
He promised me complete darkness
My eyes fully black
I bet he liked that

I miss dancing with the devil
The way he held me close
He then took away the stars
And the moon

He told me
All I needed was pitch black
I entered the void
Silence alone with him
I wasn't in the right state of mind

But I do miss his fake love
I miss his warm lies

Cutting off the strings attached
I'm no longer crying over him

I wonder if he misses me too
eileen Mar 2019
love I'm gonna **** you
I bet you like that
10w / reversible
eileen Oct 2021
I've got a big heart
why does it feel empty

why am I not loving
why am I not loved

am I unlovable?
I feel so lovesick for a stranger

it hurts to
loveless

love
is it worth it?

love
can't find it

love
I'm in misery

forgive me
all the ways you love me
I can't accept

I fail to realize
you can't love the same way I do

keep a lock on my heart
I don't want to be heartbroken
eileen Oct 2018
You tried
to give me your feelings

turn over to the next page
I didn't see the look on your face

I'm sorry I broke you
I never apologized

Should I make my bed
Or let you sleep in tonight

I've collected
a bottle
filled with
your crystal
tears

I can't hold you

I'll runaway

You are my pride
  
my mistake
to fix
eileen Nov 2019
He's a man without apologies
he's testing my patience
my sanity
he's a man without feelings
I followed him till I fell apart

I lose myself without him
learning ways to love myself
in ways he could not

he calls me bonita
he doesn't remember the new me
I danced around him like a doll

He's a man without love
I battle all the cruel deities
his name escapes out unknown tongues

He's a man without words
he doesn't have a conscious
old god
I let him push me to the side

He's a lonely man
somedays I hope he comes back
I hope he takes me back
eileen Oct 2019
I love you
I love you
I love you

far far far far
far far away

I can't touch you
I can't touch you
I can't touch you

live inside my phone screen
live inside my computer screen
live inside
online
open a window
close it
offline

I love you
I can't touch you

long distance
ruined
mixed
confusing
feelings

I want you
I want you
I want you

do I have to accept it
accept it
accept it
accept it
do I
do I do I

I can't have you
I can't
I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't
I can

live inside my head
live in the reflection of my eyes
live outside

far far far far far
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