Is this love
Or is it another passing temporary
Feeling
I don't want to deal with it
I wish I could just get rid of it
It is late
Faked my name
Only to be played by my own game
Called me at 2 in the morning
Was it only because you wanted me
Is this love that I'm feeling
Or just another let down
Broken hearts coming
Is this love
Was it love
Could you love
I would love
You so much
Is this love that I'm feeling
Or is it just another sad song
Crying in the bathtub
Days to come
Felt ashamed
Was to blame
Couldn't gain
Your trust
All the sake
Of being paranoid
Lost your presence

Is this love that I'm feeling
Or just another passing by feeling
I'll never know
I won't ask
Too afraid it may (not) last

It doesn't matter when I push myself into the darkness

It hurts the most when you're the one to push me

you hurt me in many ways
reflect all your anger on me
I was convinced it wasn't my fault

the damage is done
you planted the idea
my head soaks it up

you push me into the dark
hurts a billion times more
than
pushing myself

I want everything I can't have
I have everything I don't want

white screens
blank space
static dream

can't love me

why love you

my hands are frozen
I've lost all concentration

all my meaning

around me

earth is crowded
perhaps
I need space
to embrace my loneliness

this is intoxicating
this is deranged

I never thought

I hate everything I have
I love everything I don't

if you ever want to hold my hand
keep my tears
open my soul

I'll let you go

if you ever need to feel love
I can you show you it
I can come around

tears won't let it out
another pill
someone else has said this
when will it fix me
I'm desperate
maybe i should talk to God
the sun hits my face
but I feel no warmth
paralyzed
can't take care of myself
I only feel numb
I worry and fear for my reality
when all the delusions fade
take another prescription
till the pile in the pantry
falls over
soon
someone said
soon I'll feel normal again
for now
I'll work against it

you made me feel pretty
in the most disgusting way

feels so good to be far away from you again

regret the day I ever went back to you

love you more this way

without all the suffering and pain

I don't cry anymore

I'm so free

you will never let me go

I'll let you go

no more forgetting

I remember what you did

no more forgiveness

I'll never accept an apology

you thought you hid the key

silly

I locked myself within you

I easily let myself out

I was trying to hate you
so I wouldn't miss you
when you leave

but my plans never work out

I'm painting my nails black
the room filled with lavender air

You made me love you in a day

I'll wake up
with you gone

Don't know when you'll come back

I'll sleep tonight

Know you'll cry on your way outside

sleep tonight

I'll mourn over you
In the night

I am honored
to hear all your deepest secrets

I'm sorry
I don't want to hear you at all anymore

your secrets cut through my skin
I wonder if I'll ever tell you mine

there are infinite days
now I miss the sky
now I miss the wind

upstairs
I let my shadow walk ahead of me

I miss the night sky
days I wished for clear skies wide eyes

a room without a window
feels like I'm wearing chains

is it raining
what's this feeling
I turn off all sounds
quiet down
I can slowly hear it now

if I walkout
I can hear the stars say
where did you go
we are here for you

it shouldn't hurt this much
to love you

even if it kills me
slowly

it's worth it

what have you done
you know this is a mistake
but it's too late

we've come this far
too late to go back

I'll always want you
but I can't have you

you say you want to take me to places

I know we'll go nowhere

leave me alone
somedays I just want to feel it all

don't go too far down
don't go
check
and see
what is unwanted
of me

stay a little higher
then blink away

don't go far away  
you'll lose your breath
it's cryptic
it's deeper
darker

don't find my buried bones
don't go finding a skull
you might not like what you see

blink away
stay a little higher
up ground

where I don't seem like a lonely weeping monster

The colors seem to change
And I write everyday

They say I am the poet
I am the writer
In the family

Should I take it as a compliment ?

Red to green
Green to blue

I wonder what's next after purple
My journals keep stacking up

And they get better each time

And as years go by
I will use them to
See my old life

He saw her &
knew he was
In deep trouble

Because her smile
Was beautiful

And even if many girls
Surrounded him

She didn't pay attention
To him

Maybe she was selfish
Or blind

But his crush
Or love
For her
Wouldn't die

i kinda remember
when i fell in love
with your face

it's always been your
body
not your heartbeat

and your pretty
eyes , lips

always been
your appearance
not personality

i am
very
sorry

My demons tell me to close my mouth
or else they'll come out

I haven't spoken a word
writing down everything is much safer

I've seen people question my existence
telling me if I lie everyday
Who's the real me

What's your name

I have multiple versions of myself
I'm always someone else
depending who you are

What's your name

I don't have a age
Its just my soul

I'm only a ghost

I'm the monster under your bed

The real me lies inside my head
She watches tv all day

I Plug in a charge to my wrist
for tomorrow's energy

I spit out fire when I'm angry

I tell my demons to be quiet or out
They'll have to move somewhere else

I've spoken almost about everything

Now everyone is scared to be my friend

I'm a liar
A person you call a friend

Please love me
so it can be okay

I'm tired and
You hear nothing I say

Please tell everything will be okay


I have missed calls
unread messages

I have no explanations


I leave

I leave my friends alone

I'm still learning to let go

I have it coming

Tell me when I'm falling

I write when the world is asleep

Nothing matters me to

It doesn't matter what you say

I'm sick of repeated conversations

trying to wash off the stress

I think that I can't get a moment alone

Let me breathe
to walk on the sunset
today

I was on fire
I was an angel
I had the power

It won't matter if you love me in the end

I can find new love
wherever I walk

But you always come close
I'm trying to let go
maybe god does hear me talk
hearing rainfall
late at night

When I'm with you
I get the feeling
everything will be fine

You've never answered my question
and I've died

Going online
hope to stay connected
to the people
who've forgotten me

I dream of the day
When all of this goes away

blood stains on the wall
it's all my fault

stars falling from the ceiling
I can't catch them all

cutting everyone off
just to see them in pain

don't like when they ask questions
they're distant when they know more about me

I'm a mess
there's more to know
but nothing I'll ever tell

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

he wished me a happy birthday
in case he never sees me again

so I tell him
some of my secrets

if we ever meet again
I'll sow my mouth shut
and accept the consequences

Roses are red
Violets aren't blue

The one I love isn't you

I've been looking for someone else
I'm so tired of your heart
Clinging onto mine

Bring me down
We lay in the dark

Let's
let this go
aren't you horrified
my eyes wet
You love how my sadness
waters your insecurities

There is love everywhere
I must learn to find it in the wind

In a cloud
A word
In a  laugh

I'll keep on loving something else

Violets aren't blue
I wish you knew

I'm an *******

I'm only nice
to make you weak

my mother didn't teach me how to love
I was taught well how to be manipulative

I'm the *****
my opinions are never wrong

facts

I don't care if they don't like me
I'm not going anywhere

I'm smiling behind their backs
I never hold the knife

sometimes you need to take advantage of the pity

so small
I can crawl out of sight

so blind
I listen to the whispers

stay on my good side
promise it's better this way

you called me by the name I told you

you were there in my loneliness

how can I forget

the girl that lived
in the middle of nowhere

I know nothing about her

she goes house to house
she smokes and doesn't eat well
I wish I knew where she was now

I still remember
thinking we were invincible
in our small ways

you walked me with me in the autumn
how many years did I let go

you found someone else

I see you everyday
with your boyfriend
he makes you smile

I see you with your friends
they make you laugh

it's so hard to let go
but I don't fit inside your world anymore

I can't let you go
excuses
making up more excuses

we we're something
I can't forget

if I let you go
can I still remember

every little thing we ever did

family lies

untie our blood

hard to believe

the people you looked up to

are lying

burning off my roots

they will collect the ashes

I don't feel safe here

accepting

they point fingers

I am wrong

they are right

every time I comeback

nothing has changed

they look the same

I misplaced my trust

they laugh when I fall

I brainwash myself with the good memories

we can't go back to the time

pulling out the knives

they cut me deeper and leave me bleeding

let me bleed out

I don't want the blood of hypocrites

I hope you love me
love me
when I'm the real me

love me
when I'm broken
bleeding into everyone I touch

love me
even if I'm happy

love me
when I don't need you anymore

love me
if I don't love myself

I know you're going to hurt me
give me mercy
I know you're going to hurt me

you'll **** me

love me while you can

I almost forgot
I got monsters living in my head

I had not talked to them

Have they gone to sleep?
They disturb me in my dreams
I wake up with a corrupt feel

They're heavy clouds
raining down so stubbornly
drowning in my own bedroom

----

The monsters in my head
are asleep
during the day
they kiss me to sleep
**** me during my dreams

if I can't have you
I don't want to know you at all

I want to forget your name
I never want to see your face

I'm disappointed in myself
where did I go wrong

are we not compatible

I fell so fast

unknowingly

you fell asleep

I wish you could feel the way I'm feeling

I hate how much I miss you

I wish I could hate you

I hate myself for losing you

Do you know what's wrong with the bad

Do you know what's good in
Life

Are you mature enough
To not laugh?

Will you judge me in a
Blink of an
Eye

Do you have secrets to keep
Do you lie to my face

Talking to me everyday

Do you consider me
As a friend?

I'd help you
You're not my friend

I'm known as no face
I have no name

I was almost called the wind
You never see me
Only hear or feel me

I'd love to get to know you
my brain makes up excuses
on why not to

You look so pretty
but I never have the guts
to compliment you

Now I'll be known for being shy
Ask me whatever you want
and I'll reply

I once had a face
They took it away

I'm starting to forget
Who I really am

there was a woman
who carried an umbrella
in sunlight or rain

faceless
in my imagination

she is still
stuck inside a wall

I'm still wrong
about her

the woman
I could never see

inside
my imaginary world

I wonder
if she created herself

The countdown
The numbers
The screams

No fireworks for me..

Just alone with no one
But myself
Oh how I wish it would change

Of how I could be with family
This day

Yet I'm alone again

I'm sorry I ever convinced you that I'm feeling happy

There's nothing more that hurts my heart

I can't go back to the months we spent together

And undo all the lies

Why don't you come back

oh how the memories
become endless
everyday I wake up
dreaming of someone I have lost

it kills me to think
I will never see you again

I lost you once
I hate to lose you again

I promise you
you are beautiful
believe it

how I miss the ocean
how I do I live knowing I can't go back
the best days are always the shortest

let me see you smile one more time
I forgot what's it like to love you
I miss the way you loved me back

just like that
I crumble down
longing
reminiscing
melancholic
eating myself up
till I'm small

my hands
hurt

it's hot but negative zero
outside
I'll still turn the fan on

you don't want to say it
should I

I've been thinking
about saying everything

I want to scream it
out loud

you were my best friend
I was so happy in a world alone

you left me
there's nobody who will listen

you can throw the flowers out

you don't want to admit it
I'll ignore everything

my old best friend
I want to disappear but I don't want to let you go

it's going to hurt
if I leave

I'll stay for a while longer
just a little more suffering
a little more pain

to see my smile fade away

You have to know something
About me

I can never sleep
On Sundays

I always seem
To awake

So I am
Up late

Monday's are the worst
When you haven't had
No sleep

For some reason
You can't explain

Sundays aren't my day

we wear the feelings
then take them off

now you're gone
gone

fading
fading
letting go
so you'll be forgettable

game over
you destroyed me

now you're leaving

wearing off
the feeling is gone

not again
it's happening

I have to pretend
it's okay

tried to make plans
but there's no time to meet anytime soon

searched for ways to pronounce love
still can't say it right

we've sat in different laundromats
side by side

this time you didn't have any coins
all I could do was laugh

I didn't mean it seriously
If I die
remember
remember

I know you miss me

no messages exchanged for months

I did wrong

I know you care

I made myself believe

you moved on

it's the truth

easily I knew

we don't see each other anymore

communication

I'm impatient

I'm all alone

you wait

you've moved on

I forgot everything we were

I forget of what it was like before

if you let me remember

I'll miss you again

he says
he likes my name
so I lay down
waiting for the rain

it only lasts five minutes
I can't keep secrets from her

I'm stabbing myself in the back
before anyone else does

I got two faces

smiling so weak

I don't want to wake up
to know your still asleep

don't dream without me

love when you wake me up with a kiss

make it last forever

I'm singing myself to death

/