even though I'm not living happily
I'm living to feel it again

sometimes I let the demons write
for me

they take countless pages
I don't remember anything they said

that wasn't me
that wasn't me

out of proportion
to an extreme

have they corrupted
my entire mind

the pen is fading
when did I start to cry

I hope you love me
love me
when I'm the real me

love me
when I'm broken
bleeding into everyone I touch

love me
even if I'm happy

love me
when I don't need you anymore

love me
if I don't love myself

I know you're going to hurt me
give me mercy
I know you're going to hurt me

you'll **** me

love me while you can

a strange face
offered me if I wanted to leave

do I want to go back
or see what's ahead

I want to go back
to the day you smiled by my side
I want to see ahead
if we'll live another day the same

I felt great pain years ago
I don't want to live the future if I'm not with you

stranger with the time machine
just go without me

I'm addicted to the rain

placed my bed under a cloud

stuffed lightning in my pillow
thunder in the air

I'm addicted
to the cold

sleeping in the rain
dancing inside thunder
singing on lightning

I was born on a sunny day
but I belong in the rain

I talk to the clouds
my best friends

I'm not crying
the sky is so sad
for me

sleeping in lightning
dancing in the rain
singing with thunder in my head

I belong to a cloudy sky
every day it rains

why so sad
all
because of me

In your embrace
your shirt smells weird
I know you were drinking beer

let's not talk about it
and keep cuddling

haven't spoken a word
you want to fight
it's like there's a void
every night

It hurts a little
going inside the dark for a while
I can see the moon outside now

everyone sleep
eyes closed
let me fall apart

I want to be holy again
always going back to it
I want to fade slowly
holding myself back

I don't know how

feeling manic
everything is spinning

I saw my mask fall down

everyone is sleeping
stillness

it's cold now
hurts a little

cover my eyes
I don't want to see myself

I will miss the sound of your guitar

but I want to escape your judgement

no matter how many good songs you play

I still feel empty inside

I can see a storm behind your eyes

you hide behind an empty void

trapped inside my emotions

I can never find yours

I want to stop breathing

my mind feels like a thunder storm

I'm not scared

they can say

everything

I want to slice open my neck

when I get home

I want to leave my body

I hate this feeling

like I'm tired for anything

I can't do the things I need to do

I don't want to repeat this

I want to end it

it feels like everyone can understand

none can break free

did you notice the
glimmer in my eyes

you story-teller
and fake
says she knows
how to read my face

you must've seen
the way I wanted to
rip your skin apart

or did you take
it as
I love you with all my heart

you shallow
dull
simple-minded
girl

all you do is try to
guess someone's else
thoughts

have you sorted out
yourself

nothing comes to mind
to bring her back

she left Ana in shock

she left
without a goodbye

nothing comes to mind
all they do is cry

come around
say hello

I wouldn't mind
meeting your ghost

listen to the music my ears heard
touch the pillows I laid my head
use the lipsticks my lips touched
wear the necklaces that hung around my neck
drink a glass of cold milk in the rain
listen to the sad playlist I made for when I'm sad
wrap yourself around the blanket I felt safe tangled in
wear the earrings that went through my ears
take my clothes and wash them
or keep the smell I'd wear them with
walk in my shoes
maybe then you'll know
wash your hair with my shampoo
write with the pens my hands held
read all of my poems
even the unfinished ones
listen to all of the recordings
don't take it too seriously

listen
look
feel
taste
all of the things I've lived with

keep them by your side

when I leave
I'll leave small pieces of me behind
find them

keep them
until I come back

in a dream
in a cloud
in a star
in the rain
in the sun
in the wind

find ways to remember me

it hurts a little
when the start of something
becomes nothing

feel like this is love
loving in the dark

with the electricity cut off
storm is off somewhere close

Lighting show

Feel the love
By your side

I was wondering if you are mine
or is it just in the night

If I can't have you
If I can't love you

well then

I'll hate you

let me slowly forget
let me slowly erase

all of my hopes and dreams
I thought maybe the stars would align
the universe would be on my side
the impossible stays silent

I can't love you
I can't have you

it's easier to hate you

Don't you ever feel so full of light
so far away from everyone
I'm looking for someone to love me
darkness surrounds me

I feel so full of light
no one can see me

months have passed

suddenly my name is mine not yours

you took everything I had

I'm free now

I have to remind myself everything I miss you

silly me

missing you after all the suffering I went through

suddenly I can hear my name feel like myself

walking home alone

something you never let me do

still I think I should have spent more time with you

just to build more memories

wish we could ride the bus early in the morning to eat breakfast in the city

one last time

before I run away again

you taught me to run

so I did

why don't we go outside
I'm waiting for the rain

why don't we cry
I'm waiting for the day I die

just like us
all flowers
must die

the scar on your cheek
I wished upon it

just like a dandelion

I know you boy
you like
the perfect rose
the color red
I bleed blue
I cut too deep

I know you
you want simple
traditional
you like the old ways
I'm sorry I can't sit straight
I always look ahead
I stare for too long
I see you melt

I know I scare you away
I know I keep you interested
chasing me
I play a calculated game of hide and seek
I didn't notice you walking in the dark
scared I would lose

I know your type
polar opposites
so different

I water down the roses
I color myself pink

I water myself down
it's the way you'll love me
only if I'm weak

hug away the emptiness
smiling to all the ghosts

what's your favorite time
of day

when the sun gleaming
or the moon is bleeding

it's the moment
the sun is down

the world turns blue
the sky
sky blue

disguised as morning

the night creeping up

then you stay up
and the world turns blue
sky blue

the sun coming up

disguised as night

I'm just out of my body

no one is looking
no one is ever listening

Look away
it's a beautiful night
the stars are coming alive
such a beautiful sky

I'm the wind
you can't escape

Living in a dream world
when I wake up
life feels like hell

I want to drive the night away
chase the horizon

everywhere I go the ocean follows me
I step into the waves

I wish I could sleep tonight
sleep forever

I dreamed of an angel

I dreamed I killed you
I hope it doesn't come true

we can't see what's ahead
with the sun

cause everywhere I go
the see the water
step into a wave

I'm lost in the ocean

I want to drive the night away
with you

stepping into the moon's reflection
I wish I had a reason to stay

I get this sinking feeling days before

eyes hurt
and I can't breathe

remembering every past eighteenth morning
I've woken up

when I was laying in your bed
and took a shower downstairs

when I slept so late
I saw the sun rise
I took a picture
looking so vacant

or when I woke up to nothing
I was all alone
made my bed
later you came into the room with gifts

way back
when I woke up to her kissing my cheeks
the forgotten birthday card she made me
I will remember and the yearly tradition
broken because everyone had changed

I'm filled with paranoia
can't sleep

something is coming
something I can't avoid

the weight is heavy

it will pass
and leave me paralyzed

please don't say it
let me stay days away

from the happy birthday candles
that slowly burn my soul

the look in my eyes
hidden under the mask

how did a lovely conversation
turn into an argument

nowadays
everything makes you mad
feels like I'm breathing in smoke
when I get too close

stuck in a twilight phase
don't see the moon coming up
nor the sun going down

feels like you're throwing knives
with each word you yell out
can't get anything right

sweating in the snow
I'm midway night and day
watching my every step

the most beautiful flower

can I keep all my wishes
inside my back pocket

forgot the place I started
where am I supposed to go now

calling my friend
just to cry

no one listens
they take advantage

pretty flowers
butterflies in my hair

ripping off the petals
without my permission
hurts so much

I've never felt like such a child
so scary how small you made me

keeping my tears inside
waiting to fall to the floor

everything is ruined now

you have a pretty face
you wouldn't understand my pain

I would've loved it here
love the sky
and the dirt filled sidewalks

the glimmer of the city lights

I'd love these rough walls
if I had a different skin

I'd love the wind
if I had a different tongue

I'd love the clouds
and the strange cars passing by
after midnight

how the mountains close me in
I hold my breath

I'd love to live here
staring out to the the blinking red lights

I don't belong to myself
I belong to the lights shining on my face

I'd live here
if love existed within

my heart
spent years trying to find it

eating it away
falling into the same old street light
I would've loved it

if I was a different person

You're like the fog
The further I go
The more I see

I know he'll never really like me because he knows I'm bad news

he knows it's not worth the risk even if there's nothing to lose

I know I'm distant and cold
he's out of tune
too far to catch

he knows nothing about me
and I can't learn nothing about him

I can't move mountains
or split the sea knowing
he doesn't want to see me

this is obessesion
infatuation
all leading to nowhere

I want you to myself like a selfish man

my wish is to see your face soon
but I won't ask you

deeply afraid of rejection
I'll stay hidden

I don't have a face
because I am your reflection

can't you see

I can't breathe

My eyes are falling

they keep looking for yours

rain is falling from your fingertips
your cheeks

I've always felt like a raindrop
out of thousands in the sky
destined to fall

come back to the sky


come back to me
let's sleep in a cloud
until it's time to fall again

There's nothing more that hurts my heart

I can't go back to the months we spent together

And undo all the lies

Why don't you come back

There is love
in the sun

There is warmth
in your cold heart

Your love is ripping me open
I don't care

Oh my God
I'm saved

she looks right into my eyes

she's a devil in disguise
dressing like twilight

we only meet at nightfall

there's nothing to say
we're like building blocks falling over
I can't stand still

I have nothing to say
I keep my mouth shut

you don't have to ask me again
l trace over my blue veins

don't come over
I don't need you breathing over me

I trust no one
there's no point

you never see the stop sign
keep on going

Keep on saying
that you've burned all the bridges

you jumped down
hit your head

Please help me
like I did

You've left me alone again
Drive into the city

Please don't forget about my heart
My head doesn't sleep
I dream about you some days

You're breaking down
I'm always there when you're at your lowest

So please understand
that I'll need you
when I'm drowning

Does he like me
maybe not

Gathering on the 21st
will I see you first

Does he love me
maybe yes

Confrontation
such a mess

I just want him to know

I have no face
no name

I have no identity

You can't trust me
don't believe me

I'm tired of feeling this way

We kissed and the whole world fell away

The seven seas
are empty
the four winds blow intoxicated
the sun is broken
moon covered in blood
as the constellations fall

We kissed and the whole world fell apart

I told her we must buy flowers again
feels like I'm dying

everyone loves to see my face
not so much hear my voice

it's a phase
you messed up again
try again

blue petals
we dream of a day

feels like we might die
in this cold sun

I wasn't looking for you
where is the rain

falling
d own
    dow n
        d own

safe and sound

I was looking for the rain

come into my room
a cloud on the ceiling

what are you feeling

don't call

I'm falling

dow n
   do wn

what a blue summer
counting down the days
that seem so far away

Lately I want to break everything
I want to break each glass dish
and break a window

Throw the tv down the stairs


What a blue summer
I feel it every year

the chlorine
sun waves
and sunburned

the water gets warmer
and the day is longer

I can't find the right time
to see the stars

It was good morning till I woke up
I took one glance at the sun
Diving down
I don't want it
I can't help but love you
More than myself

losing myself in endless realities
I just want to love myself today
Let you go today

We can't touch
You can't be seen

So we hide
Until the stars are out

\ \

You ask me if I love the rain more than you

I really do

I love the moon more than you

I would pick anything over your
empty eyes

I loved you more than myself

Now
I love myself everyday

Letting you go
Today