I want everything I can't have
I have everything I don't want

white screens
blank space
static dream

can't love me

why love you

my hands are frozen
I've lost all concentration

all my meaning

around me

earth is crowded
perhaps
I need space
to embrace my loneliness

this is intoxicating
this is deranged

I never thought

I hate everything I have
I love everything I don't

Today I looked at the sky
I noticed it was blue

A blue I've never seen before

With a tree so high
I bet it touches the clouds

They keep building walls
around me
I no longer see the street lights

everything crumbles around me
falling apart

Love is just a memory

I don't remember if the sky was always this beautiful

spending all my days at home

I forgot constellations exist

why'd you leave

I can feel myself go dark

I think I want to be alone

see you in my dreams

wiped away my tears

why am I always sad when someone leaves me

they should be crying

not me

Insanity is keeping me
from ever having a straight face

I don't think you've met the real me

how am I  perceived

forgot your gift

will you save empty boxes for me

people treat me like I want them too

it's very nice knowing you'd hate the real me

things I never say

I think I'm good right here

six feet away

dilated eyes
kiss me with your eyes open
let's not fight again

we're no match from heaven
god doesn't love me

I had an angel
he was taken away

God doesn't love me
I know
because they told me

grieve alone
love alone
they responded that I was deserving
of all this crippling pain inside my brain

we're on different planes
living in different worlds

I kissed Gabriel's blood clean
almost reached invincibility
nearly became infinity

there's no forever
just everlasting fear

I must learn to love
It's not to late
to love


Coming down
I'll come down from the clouds

I see you
and see myself

Let's make this easy
Eize
Rainy days
With a sky covered with gloomy clouds
Bus rides 7 AM morning rain
let's make this easy
Let the weeks pass
like a river's stream
Not ready to see you
It's okay
I'll be okay
Doesn't mean anything
Let's make this easy
rivers
pouring down
7 AM bus rides
Good days
Washed up in lost rain water

walking through
I feel my shoulders drop

in the middle of the road
kind of want to cry out loud

I know it's another heavy day
is it almost friday

this endless routine
I'm so tired

no more time
I'm dissociating during work

losing myself
where am I
what am I doing

forgot what's the day
forgetting I have a name

this face of mine
I don't recognize

I haven't been able to write anything
or look at any poetry
I'm not feeling it
I feel like time is going to fast
and I'm just getting dragged past these months
without even knowing what is going on
I haven't been able to rhyme
nor write one stanza
be compassionate
with others
trees are coming back alive
I know life is constantly moving
but where am I
I have no place
feel like a big waste of space
I haven't been able
to break the bottle
filled with puzzled feelings
I've let things go
secretly holding on
I haven't been able to write
in a while
time will pass by
I'll get inspiration
when I start to cry
I'll read a few poems
in the day
another blue moon
I have to choose
whether to stray away
from the earth
or grow closer
to where it most hurts

you know I'd let you rip my heart in half

loving seems easy
when everybody looks perfect

black lines on my hand
I was ****** up

if you decide to leave
loving will be complicated

it's difficult to see
what you want from me

you're the greatest gift
thankful
how could I ever repay you

All I ever wanted
to be better

Lying to myself
again and again

Makes me so sad

I hate myself

Trying harder

Don't let it get to my head

I'm a hopeless case

Lay around instead

It's all to much
arrows shooting at my mind

Full of hate
consumed

I can't wait to fall asleep

My words are like blankets
covering my true feelings and meaning

can I get a heart
can I have it without getting hurt

I never say what I feel
no one ever tells me how I feel

My words are injected with my silent pain and quiet cries

They're blankets covering what you'll never find

I have an empty smile
half filled heart

I feel most weak at night
when I have no one to hold

If this is my weakness
out of many
I'll find

I am most beautiful when vulnerable
my tears feel like glass
cutting away the left over loneliness

Do you know what's wrong with the bad

Do you know what's good in
Life

Are you mature enough
To not laugh?

Will you judge me in a
Blink of an
Eye

Do you have secrets to keep
Do you lie to my face

Talking to me everyday

Do you consider me
As a friend?

I loved you
Once upon a time

Just a girl
With a thousand problems

With no one to love
Everyone leaves her
& forgets her

No one to talk
The feeling of guilt
All the time

Its only a matter of time
She'll start going crazy soon

cry a little harder
I can't hear you

taking to your brother
I'm still around

carry it everywhere
tired of staring at yourself

give me a break
there's nothing to hope for
you haven't blinked all day

do you hear me going insane
the way you crawl into your head

leave me
your empty body

I have to stare
the way
slowly die

it's 5 am
give me a break

turn the light off
no one is coming for us

all alone

cry louder
no one can hear you

I won't hear you

didn't think you'd abandon me
waiting by the window

hoping to catch your shadow

people talk behind my back
does it even matter to you

please don't forget me
I'm so forgettable

did you forget my name
I'll tell you again

m-y-r-
you never let me finish

I'm too lazy to chase you

please don't forget me
I can't stop thinking about you

people don't know me well
it doesn't matter
I don't care

if I lose
its okay

I'll forget you too

I can't get to sleep
will you be with me

I can't close my eyes
will you talk to me

can't get
can't
can't get to sleep tonight

if you're right next me

looks like another endless night

It's been you
You
You


Throwing out memories
inside my head
I can't see myself just you

I know we climb this mountain
to come down so often

I know this life isn't what we wanted

Separated
You and I

In another universe

We're still side by side

Sometimes I think of you with a sad look
playing a sad song
the clouds are grey
you can't see the sun today

I wonder why you were put in my life
I wish you had abandoned me
than to meet you

What a strange man I think
doesn't love his children
He must be heartless

scared for my life
scared of falling asleep and you'll finally realize

the girl everyone sees isn't me
she's not me
I'm living in this strange body

I'm  afraid to reveal myself
the real me

you don't know that girl

completely different

I hope you still love me

I wished you kissed my cheek
I hoped you would love me
I want you to see me for who I am

To you

I am nothing

To me
it is everything

-  -  -

we are all lost
in the endless words
the floating thoughts
above our heads
I can't see the end

there used to be a day
I wished I was dead

I wonder where the feeling went

invisible love

tell me you have invisible love for me

I'm asking for a miracle

I really liked you

I have the worst luck ever

forget about me
please remember me
there's no in between

I'm selfish
I want you all to myself

you were everything I had
I'm hearing all your favorite songs

I know I'm losing you
losing every chance

it's all my fault

no matter what happens
I never want to let you go
you're forever mine now

even now
seasons passed
months faded away

I hear a sad song
and think about you

remember how
you colored me blue

waiting for you to love me
how mistaken I was
wasted time I can't get back

your ghost looks lonely
I can't keep you close anymore

will it hurt to forget you ?

If I keep walking
You're more far away

It's fine

I'm going
Don't worry I'm fine

If I can't see you one last time

I almost forget you
along this path

so lonely
everlasting
silence

I'm walking
Its fine

Don't worry
I'm going

turn back
a little bit

Walking alone

this path so cold

September filled with
water lilies
and warm, soft lies

I talk to you so careless
forgetting our past problems

Trees are changing
the clouds aren't the same

the sky and stars are rearranging

September's cool breeze
warm sunshine
giving the flowers one last bloom

Soon comes fall

Summer's last days
Summer's last breath

All over me

I feel it dying
inside me

I wish I didn't throw away the bad parts of me
I wish I gave you my secrets to see
now I have a hole in me

will you take them
under the water
I'm feeling so bothered

wish I didn't throw away the good parts of me
now I'm not sure what's left in me

come and find them
deep waters
hurry
I can't concentrate

I got missing parts of me
deep underwater

I'm running
from regrets

friends disappeared
and they're still asking for me

the words to my heart
fading

bring them back

find my broken parts submerged
I'll be whole

called you
sobbing on the phone

it was new years day
I think you were at a party

answered
so happily

I was on the floor
crying

why me
why me
why did it happen to me

I couldn't believe

time feels like fog

I really had no one
only the silence of surprise

there are things I can't forgive myself for

I carry the shame

sleep
wake up
I want to throw up my mistakes

If I were a different person
I wouldn't let this happen

I won't forgive myself

that's how I choose to live

I like reading ghost poems
their writers are gone
we'll never find them

my only weakness
is always running back

this sinkhole
keeps me pressed up against
the strong current

I love how we try and find the solution
only to return where we started

where is the rain
I'm seeing heavy clouds all day

I can go on
how I want rain
but I won't cry

breathe in
breathe out

I don't want to see you die
such a beautiful tree
please don't leave

all this time you never grew
I never knew you were dying

Thousands of wishes
I must learn
to refrain

I had the world
hanging around my neck

Hundreds of dreams
I woke up to
    never came true

I want to finish up
   cut off loose ends

I'm
Everchanging

I'm tired

I'll sleep the night ahead

10

I'll remember

9

I'll forgive

8

I'll walk

7

I'll forget

6

Game over

5

Play again

4

Select new character

3

New game

2

-Start over

1

Happy New year

dear me
tell about your sad dream
why did you wake up so gloomy

it's a
sunny
windy
day

with so many plans ahead

take a deep breath before you leave bed

dear me
you can't remember your dreams
live a happy reality please

take a deep breath and sleep

look me in the eyes
new moon, I don't want to lie
I want to be free

there's a strange feeling
I want to try again yet
I know I'll fall easily

hold my hand longer
I hold you in ways no one
has ever touched you

no one before me
I don't want to wear this mask
leaving, pale mornings

I hide away from you
We're becoming closer

I have things to hide
secrets tied

You wish you were in my dreams

I have to get away from you
I'm filled with lies

Just like a cigarette you let me in
I'll disappear into the wind

poetry is dead
it comes alive
dies right before our eyes
we write
talk of it
we bury it inside our heads

poetry is a ghost
haunting us awake
stuck inside our brains
lingering in our bedsheets
I smell its scent on my pillow

poetry died
I watched it crumble
I saw it's last breath
I knew it was the end

poetry
is deadly

we imagined
poetry was everlasting life

poetry is death

a thought
a feeling
a person
a time
a place
an object

we pull from our hearts

into this burning flame

it glows
it prevails

once our eyes touch the last word

breathing it's
last goodbye

hoping for someone to pass by
stealing a sharp breath of air

the words are gone
lights out

poetry is dead
rest in peace

sometimes I let the demons write
for me

they take countless pages
I don't remember anything they said

that wasn't me
that wasn't me

out of proportion
to an extreme

have they corrupted
my entire mind

the pen is fading
when did I start to cry

he loves his smile
and his hands
holds them under the table

they sit in quiet grounds
empty rooms

he loves his hair
and lips

they kiss
when no one is around

off to the city
filled with dreams

everything seems fine

if only the world would go away

the moon doesn't shine for me
she doesn't love me

the sun scares my fears away
oh but my insecurities are here to stay

All they tell me is
I deserve everything

I have nothing
I have no one

He's never given me a piece of love
He's never given away his heart

I hate December

I hate that I miss you more than I miss myself

I'd rather lose myself again
than be away from you

I hate this December
winter where are you
the warmest nights feel empty without you

It hurts to miss you alone
It hurts more to miss you close

if I think of you every second that passes
will you dream of me
while you sleep

you make me giggle
I hate it

the way I smile
because of you

I want to tell you everything
suddenly I'm so shy

I want to know everything
why do you have to be shy too

let's just sit
in this comfortable silence

while my heart beats
so fast I hope
you can't tell I'm nervous

you don't buy me flowers anymore
I hide away from the stars
we don't hold each other tightly
different conclusions and you won't understand me
I wait for you to leave the bed
finally I can rest
I wait for you to leave the house
now I feel comfortable
I wait for you to sleep
so I can walk away
you don't love me the same
it's not me
it's you

whilst watching the light
/ A soft little rain falling
/ the night speaks silence