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166 · Jul 2018
Maybe never
eileen Jul 2018
Maybe never
I spilled out lies
when I never had

I was true with you

How could I change that

You know better than to believe me

She leaves

I really am pathetic

For thinking we could talk as if nothing happened

I want to believe
I'll come around

See you again
in a different space
Continue reading...
166 · Dec 2019
let me in
eileen Dec 2019
let me in
I don't deserve good things

don't go into a hurricane for me

I'm not worth saving

even if our love rots me inside

it's all I have

I will stay by your side until you **** me

I will stay until I go insane

you made me weak

I was a good person

now decomposing from the inside

everything is the same

where is the hope

I only see the conflict

let me in

I locked myself inside

it's better this way
Continue reading...
166 · Aug 2017
☘
eileen Aug 2017
☘
I hope you find someone who loves you more than me
Continue reading...
166 · Jan 2019
hopeless
eileen Jan 2019
hopeless
I'm hopeless
/
buried
\
I see a future six feet underground
reversed / 10w
Continue reading...
165 · May 2018
i loved you a long time ago
eileen May 2018
i loved you a long time ago
no not today
not tomorrow
maybe someday
or never again
10w
Continue reading...
165 · Oct 2017
@
eileen Oct 2017
@
am I alone
because we all feel the same
no matter how many months pass
I don't know what I want
so I remain lost
writing about it
Continue reading...
165 · Dec 2017
Technologized
eileen Dec 2017
Technologized
the soft glow
under the door

coming in and out

you got perfect teeth
I'll knock one out

such a pretty nose
to hit

perfect picture
only in my dreams

I'm not here
I'm not full
but I'm fine

Young & dumb
It's all you are

Singing softly in the bathtub

Warm breeze
Coming through my hair

You & I
Were here and there

Pink & blue
Orange & yellow
Skies

I was almost alive
Continue reading...
165 · Aug 2018
Blue skies
eileen Aug 2018
Blue skies
I was waiting for the sun to go down
The clouds suddenly appeared
as if someone called them

I'm trying to make them go away
but the sky doesn't feel so sad
It doesn't want to cry tonight

Open doors
I messaged you I love you
You responded
Don't say that

I have to keep quiet
I'm turning into someone else
I'm not myself around you

The clouds
Where did they come from
He called for them

He said he had to

Won't he let me in
Come on

I know you're not yourself
When I'm around

I can't see the blue sky

he's playing with my eyes

He says he has to
Continue reading...
165 · Aug 2017
☈
eileen Aug 2017
☈
it's pouring outside
but it won't last

unless it's that one time
in april

where it rained everyday
at 8 AM

raining sideways

windows open

the thunder
we hear

and i feel alive
Continue reading...
164 · Mar 2021
if i knew where to go
eileen Mar 2021
if i knew where to go
overworking myself
no one notices it at all

I hate the way my back hurts
so much when I lay down I can't rest anymore

my nails are soft
my lips are bleeding

all this money
wish I could buy myself some love

I hate waiting for tomorrow
all I want is what I had yesterday

it's late
I want to cry for a bit
then fall asleep

I want to make a wise choice
a small wish I know will come true
Continue reading...
164 · Dec 2015
Wake up
eileen Dec 2015
Wake up
Hm
If you keep
That addiction
You'll end up
Losing

So keep on
Cutting
Get the
Glass
Get the blade

Just make sure
Are you ok
With what
You're doing
Is it worth
Your skin
Bleeding

When really you
Can be happy ....
Continue reading...
164 · Aug 2020
exfoliate
eileen Aug 2020
exfoliate
I make empty promises
I wish you'd stop this
I wish you'd notice

we fall behind each other

I had lots of dreams
turn into nightmares

I'm good
I'm really good
sometimes

I'm very bad
so bad
all the time

promises
keep them

I can hear the winter sadness

to be cold and alone
frozen and sad

all these dead promises
fading into the sky
Continue reading...
164 · Mar 2018
Washed
eileen Mar 2018
Washed
The trees are starting to grow
why don't you love me anymore
Flowers are blooming
please call me
times ahead
can we meet
All I want to say
please stay
tomorrow
today
You don't want to hear my voice
I can not delete you from my phone
If this wasn't so hard
Sky clear
Clouds near
Wish you were here
love me here
love me now
love me spring is coming
Continue reading...
164 · Nov 2018
A little too late / a little too soon
eileen Nov 2018
A little too late / a little too soon
I met a stranger today
said he missed me
I've been away
for months
but I don't know remember his name

I put a pause on real life
just to feel stuck inside my own mind

How I miss you dearly
nobody will ever miss me
like I do

everyone forgets too soon
Continue reading...
164 · Nov 2018
The black ocean
eileen Nov 2018
The black ocean
I must remind myself this is real
I'm living
these moments I live
living by the ocean

Flash through my eyes
It's like holding onto a leafs stem
in the middle of a hurricane

Don't want the city lights to reach an end

It's only the beginning
of a rainy night

Passing cars
The sea calls to my heart

A fire
A rain

Love from a place
almost stabbed me to death

I feel my blood push and pulling
within the waves

I must hold on

remind me this is reality

Moments like these pass too quickly

Visions
Orange hues burning like a fever

The night can hold so much pain
filled with chances,
bright lights
Continue reading...
164 · Jul 2017
☠
eileen Jul 2017
☠
I remember
The sad days

Now I'm
Living dead
Wellll more like emotionally numb
Continue reading...
164 · Jun 2019
I'm scared to read our old messages
eileen Jun 2019
I'm scared to read our old messages
scared to touch
scared to touch
never enough
one more day with her
with her
green trees
green sea
she likes all those boys
I like all those girls
I like her too
I'm too sensitive
too scared
to talk
scared to talk
never enough
one day without her
without her
brown eyes
brown leaves
I like all those songs
she likes them
does she like me
she's hidden away
scared
Continue reading...
164 · Jul 2017
☀
eileen Jul 2017
☀
i wasn't really looking for
concern

i can't sleep before
3 AM

never at ten
at least i feel alive

i use to love driving
through the city lights
with the windows down
favorite song playing

i can't sleep
but i can't even stay up
till sunrise
Continue reading...
164 · Nov 2017
Incipient
eileen Nov 2017
Incipient
now that poetry is carved into my skin
I got nothing to lose in this rain
writing on a white screen
soon I'll be able to pick up a pen
and write on a white piece of paper

I threw away years worth
poems and writing

now I see it's stuck inside me
there is no way out
it's a part of me now

maybe not in a journal
at least it's somewhere
Continue reading...
164 · Jul 2020
invitation
eileen Jul 2020
invitation
some nights I call the wind
she runs into my arms

I've lost all the stars
when I let you go
it wasn't enough

our sweet goodbye
thinking back
I want to cry

sometimes I'll cry with the rain
she doesn't dream of me
never saw my pain

wondering
will she miss me now

I will give her the sky
endless
and she will find me
Continue reading...
163 · Feb 2022
second time
eileen Feb 2022
second time
I wish I could meet you again for first time

so I can ask you everything
I can't ask now

it's too late
I know I'm falling for you

you're fading
driving far away
leaving me on the side of the road

I'm a sad valentine
without you

I want to change my face
my name
my voice
so I can stand in front of you
for the first time again

you will love me in this new body
the old one will rot outside in my garden

now I can ask
what are your dreams
your biggest fears

where do you go when you're all alone
Continue reading...
163 · Nov 2018
Galaxy Girl
eileen Nov 2018
Galaxy Girl
I wish I could see the moon with admiration
now all I do is spit out hatred

A child
filled with worry
insecurity
said he could spot me
anywhere in the world
looking for my glossy
lustrous
hair

I'm not taking her back
I'm not going back

The only way I can sleep
I can only walk foward

What the ****
Were you thinking

You keep looking at me
like I'm someone else

He calls me planet girl

I orbit around black holes

Thankful
a little grateful
I should be

Everyone loves using me

I never grow old
Continue reading...
163 · Jun 2018
little starry
eileen Jun 2018
little starry
Hold a star in my hand
I'm hoping the moon takes a glance

Wish I could erase my love for you

Nothing will change my love for you

It's all for you to take
I'll give it all away

When the night ends
the star in hand will sleep
Continue reading...
163 · Jul 2017
☀
eileen Jul 2017
☀
I can't say  why

you do not  care

i won't  say

you don't  care

i feel like your   pathetic

you think the  best

i hate surprises

you like to try and control me

i never make it happen

you aren't so powerful

i make sure
Continue reading...
163 · Aug 2018
Forever or never
eileen Aug 2018
Forever or never
I want to go to places we've never been before

I forget you've seen the whole world

I sometimes see a light under the door
from the corner of my eye

It's pitch black in my room

You're a lightning bolt
I'm the thunder

Let's make a storm
We always hurt ourselves

I got a fever
I'm cold

I want to be with you

You're not around

It's 7 o'clock

Where's our love

I want to give you the world
You've already got it

I can't give my soul

Where's your love
Continue reading...
163 · Nov 2018
horizontally
eileen Nov 2018
horizontally
hi hello
what's your darkest truth

black holes
******* in all common sense
feeling a little like outer space
my blood filled with stardust

name me
like an unknown
alien

I'll show you the galaxy

I've got no home
everywhere I go

temporary
floors

hey
are you still hurting

I should've known
you would hurt me

why am I so naive

never thought you would make me feel so small
so gone

I'm not going back

don't talk
don't think
don't look at me


I'm rotting
inside my own heart

thank you

for killing me
Continue reading...
163 · Feb 2020
The walls can't talk
eileen Feb 2020
The walls can't talk
I wish I was more of a man
to tell you of the end

I think I'm a bad child
talking behind her back
thinking she deserves it

I think I'm a bad sibling
I don't care for my sister
she can give me the world
but I'd never let her in mine

I think I'm a bad friend
always lying and running away
mistaking the space I give
I'm just avoiding the conversation

I think I'm a bad person
smiling at other's pain
I can't comfort you on a bad day

keep it up
I've been left alone
losing everyone
my heart slows down
Continue reading...
163 · Mar 2021
the flaws and the flawless
eileen Mar 2021
the flaws and the flawless
I'm consumed with the thoughts of regret
I might regret all of my decisions

I'm consumed with thoughts
that I'm not loving you enough

that's my waste of time
I'm selfish only thinking about myself
we don't talk or see each other

will I hate this tomorrow
did I love myself yesterday
I lost myself right now

do we ever know
can we find all the buried memories
they're like sandcastles by the beach

I'm gonna ****** me
I want to learn how to leave

am I going to hate myself later
will I seek to do better
nothing is certain

everyone misunderstands  
it's all my fault I can't make decisions

can you repeat the question
my heart is looking the other way
Continue reading...
163 · Feb 2019
fabulist
eileen Feb 2019
fabulist
I love
I love myself
till I break myself down

I hate
I hate myself
till I love myself again

and again
the cycle never ends

wish I could sleep a year away

I love my views
I hate my shoes

I love and I live
I hate and I die

I can't draw the line

I love
I love myself
till I **** myself

I hate
I hate myself
till I come together again

again and again

I can't stop

now I crave
both

I despise myself
I want me all to myself

again
just a little more
Continue reading...
163 · Feb 2019
snowy moon
eileen Feb 2019
snowy moon
super snow moon
tell me why things change too soon
tell me if it's all a phase
should I give up today
and tomorrow again

snow moon
it's getting cold
the wind blows
and I hear the snow

tell me
is everything temporary
why do things
come and go

buried behind thick clouds
come out
don't disappear

the home I use to love
belongs to someone else

the person who was my everything
is with somebody else

the soul
I used to be
the air I used to breathe
my spirits are low
I'm saying yes
but I'm feeling no

if every day feels so grey
tell me hunger moon
can you shine
through the clouds
this hazy night
Continue reading...
162 · Jan 2020
sunshower
eileen Jan 2020
sunshower
the darkness overflows in my head

I've loved the night sky my whole life

I hug the moon to sleep

it's time I open a window

tomorrow I will kiss the sun good morning

let the light inside

every time I'm torn apart

I will grow closer to the sun
Continue reading...
162 · Sep 2017
□
eileen Sep 2017
□
You got a body without a heart
Flesh without blood

We don't like each other anymore
Starting to wonder why i cancel your calls

You tell me you love
Yet destroy my brain
Traumatizing my sight

You let us die
All our connections grew dry

Only loving me conditionally

We had it all
You felt for the down fall
I'm not holding you hand anymore

Empty eyes
You sold your soul
Around '79

To once think
We had something

You'll never think
About me
Continue reading...
162 · Nov 2017
react
eileen Nov 2017
react
It's so easy
to ignore you
whenever you're not around

pretending
I'm not awake

couldn't you see me
smiling into the pillow

I can't hear you well
anymore

eating people's emotions
settling deep in my stomach

I don't have any for myself

a hopeless mindset

I guess our hearts don't work the same
Continue reading...
162 · Dec 2015
For you..
eileen Dec 2015
For you..
So this is the way it is
After all our mistakes

After you dragged me
With all your friends

What can I say happy birthday..
You didn't remember mine
But it's ok

And if we're to see you
Today I would give you
A hug

But I wouldn't
Go back

Because I want you to stay
In the past

Even  after hear
Your songs

I love forever & always mom
no  matter   *what
Because I never write about you to forget you and I'm crying because I left you
Continue reading...
162 · Aug 2018
Champion
eileen Aug 2018
Champion
Love is a true art

You can't understand
Only feel it

Love has no explanation
Or limitations

Being in love either breaks your heart or
You'll feel the sun inside your heart

I'm melting down
I feel so loved

It doesn't have to be no one

It's all about loving myself
Continue reading...
162 · Feb 2018
Kiss me / Kill me
eileen Feb 2018
Kiss me / **** me
I almost forgot
I got monsters living in my head

I had not talked to them

Have they gone to sleep?
They disturb me in my dreams
I wake up with a corrupt feel

They're heavy clouds
raining down so stubbornly
drowning in my own bedroom

----

The monsters in my head
are asleep
during the day
they kiss me to sleep
**** me during my dreams
Continue reading...
161 · Nov 2017
drafting IX
eileen Nov 2017
drafting IX
love
real love
doesn't exist
that's what he told me
when I asked if
we had something
Continue reading...
161 · May 2018
Do i wanna know
eileen May 2018
Do i wanna know
I wonder
in this silent night
If you envy me
pity me

if you ever loved me
If this feeling flows both ways
Continue reading...
161 · Feb 2020
don't call me out
eileen Feb 2020
don't call me out
my heart is bitter
as
the coffee
you make for me

one more time
I lied to you

this house is not a home
you're so ungrateful

my heart is dark
like the coffee you make for me

take all the good pieces of me
look now the monster you made of me

partly afraid
you'll drown without me

I'll untie myself
hold onto someone else

asking questions
with answers
she and I both know

I'll miss drinking coffee in the morning years from now
Continue reading...
161 · Jul 2018
Wonderlost
eileen Jul 2018
Wonderlost
Sometimes my imagination scares me
Continue reading...
161 · Apr 2020
may 5th
eileen Apr 2020
may 5th
what will I do once you leave
I don't love you

still
still

I hope to see you

how long has it been

you're leaving me

will I be able to walk alone
without wondering if you're close

will you forget our short lived memories
can I burn off your picture and watch the ashes crumble in the wind
Continue reading...
161 · Aug 2018
thank for everything, I love you
eileen Aug 2018
thank for everything, I love you
I died in my dream
my body felt numb
I laid on the ground
hoping I would be found
my eyesight went black
and I spoke with God

I was hoping to wake up
in heaven

I was then resurrected

I only feel like I'm letting you down

why do I wake up for another day
are you sure I wasn't mistaken
with someone who deserves it
Continue reading...
161 · Jun 2015
disuse
eileen Jun 2015
disuse
Bored
Wasting time
Just here
Thinking
What's going to happen
Next
Its almost
11 pm
Everyone is resting
But not me
Just here
Thinking
Maybe I should
Stay
But no
Its to late
Might as well move
And do something
Instead of being here
Doing nothing
Continue reading...
161 · Aug 2018
Living dead she says
eileen Aug 2018
Living dead she says
She's feeling dead inside
her heart beat frozen

so strange
How she writes of only heartbreak

Talking of love with an empty feeling

It was only a cloudy day
you don't have to be so sad

It won't rain soon

The sun will shine

Love only hits you
when it wants to

so stop crying if he doesn't love you
You can always love someone else
who will accept your heart

It doesn't always have to be about
broken hearts
and lost feelings

You can live life
without falling in love

loving yourself
Continue reading...
161 · Oct 2022
reused
eileen Oct 2022
reused
the same sad tune
looking back to you

when we were close
you knew the darkest pieces of me

I can't show you the brightest
it's cruel

I want to talk to you
family by blood

now
now everything is different

hearing something else
it's hard to make my own decisions

hard to forgive
can't always understand both sides

I know there's a chance
you're just mean

there's no difference
you could be the same

but I don't want to believe
you've changed
more twisted
Continue reading...
161 · Oct 2017
swann
eileen Oct 2017
swann
staring off into the past
stars aren't so bright

now all I offer is silence
so pathetic

tell me

am I dreaming

tell

I'm dreaming

at least I'm still breathing
Continue reading...
161 · Nov 2017
drafting X
eileen Nov 2017
drafting X
our love could be seen
as a cemetery
but you could still
see flowers
growing
Continue reading...
161 · Aug 2017
Merit ·
eileen Aug 2017
Merit ·
It's all about cigarrettes and ***
And the poison alcohol contains

The constant need of touch
And sweat

Everyone loves to breathe out smoke
And breathe it in

It's all about
I need you
And i want you
But you don't love me so
There's really nothing to you

We like our lovers empty
And toxic

Drunk on some drink
Not by emotion

Play around with them
In darkness

By daylight
We got the lonely heart
And heavy soul

Hurting head
And twisted thoughts

On what we need
What we want

Those two don't come hand in hand

Just breathe in pure oxygen
Drink water
Not some potion

And forget about having
Regretful nights
By the morning

It's all about cigarette smoke
Alcohol swallows
And one night feelings

Instead of thinking
Of what we deserve
Open  
And mind
Continue reading...
161 · Nov 2015
You again
eileen Nov 2015
You again
you said my name
and we talked a bit

i feel like im stupid
getting excited over this

when will you notice

you talk to a million over girls
and i hope you notice im different

cause im praying
you'll talk to me again

and maybe we'll be
assigned  a project together

but all i want is
you to love me

as i do
Continue reading...
161 · Oct 2017
|||
eileen Oct 2017
|||
should've never fallen in love with a musician
he was going to leave
to tour the world
oh poor girl
Continue reading...
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