eileen: Poems

193 · Sep 2018

trauma

eileen Sep 2018

trauma

this is my trauma I'm
so tired of the constant lies
feeling deprived of life

Haiku

192 · Apr 2018

halves

eileen Apr 2018

halves

Loving me is loving a half moon
I could never give myself fully to you

192 · Aug 2018

I think i know you

eileen Aug 2018

I think i know you

I want to be on your good side

Don't worry
I know you'll never love me

Soft space
tears on my face

I won't tell you
about the storm clouds in my head

Don't you love my darker side

I got demons
that have no place to go

I want the bright side

I give you all my emotions

Showing you all things hidden
my heart
is found

I know you have your eyes set on someone else

I'm following you
automatically

I want to be on the same path
You choose to take

I can't ever get past it

I don't want to feel like I'm hanging around

Please tell me something

I know you'll never know me

Soft dreams
believing
but also grieving

192 · Nov 2017

drafting XI

eileen Nov 2017

drafting XI

all these empty faces
going to lost places
falling stars
****** scars
holding his trembling hands
painting our nails for fun

his smiles are cryptically
insane

192 · Apr 2018

be the one //

eileen Apr 2018

be the one //

I want to sleep with music on

dark summer nights
all I did was feel the cold air on my skin
sleeping late

humid air
mattress outside
I saw him smoke in the middle of the night

pounding on the walls
I want to fall down

drowning in my skin

now it's different

drowning in your sadness
inside your head

lost in my loneliness

I was hoping I could be the one to save me
dreaming
save me
stepping inside mirrors
save me

I was hoping
I could
be the one

192 · Oct 2021

teenage summer dream

eileen Oct 2021

teenage summer dream

I missed you
I couldn't say it
and when I did
you left
what did I do?

I missed you
I didn't tell you
and I never did
so you left
what did I do wrong?

I missed you
you missed me too
and we always will
there's nothing we can do

you miss me
I miss you

when will we have our happy ending

I don't want to miss you forever

191 · Jun 2019

life is fear

eileen Jun 2019

life is fear

life is pretty
people starve
people ****
people run
people suffer
life is beautiful
people rob
people hate
people discriminate
people die

what's a day in your life
some can't live with their minds
some are looking for a life

this is life

191 · Aug 2017

▪

eileen Aug 2017

▪

Inconsiderate
Disappointment

I thought we had
Somethin

The butterflies
In my stomach
Died

Don't call
If I'm gonna have to
Listen to your
Talks
Without giving me
A part

I'm left out
Left behind

Left you
To see you
Again soon

Don't sound so sad

I'm tired of seeing
Ungrateful people

191 · Sep 2018

Mr lonely

eileen Sep 2018

Mr lonely

Don't defend me

I feel the shame
from miles away

I know I'm guilty
but you made me feel so afraid

I can't be happy in my own skin
I can't look at my face

Ever since you saw my flaws
I know I can't be enough

Chew me up
Swallow your lies
You turn your face to side

Walk away when you lie
You can't help
never answer back

Cut me up
throw me around

Now I'm gone

I kinda miss
the way
You never loved me

The way you made me feel
so less

A lovely
lonely feeling

Inside me chest
whenever I'm with you

My
Mr lonely

190 · Aug 2022

bullets

eileen Aug 2022

bullets

you were the gun
boy you were
pulled the trigger straight into my heart

I'm bleeding
so much blood
my heart stopped beating
hard to breathe

I would've given everything
given it all away
just to have you
one more day

if you had it all
would you waste it
throw me out

you were the gun
you pulled the trigger
straight into my heart

now I'm dead
waiting to see you collect my
broken heart

just to look into your eyes
I would've done it all

got me thinking
what would you do
take my everything
turn it into nothing

your affection is priceless
nonexistent

you have a big heart
but its empty

you were the gun darling
all the bullets piercing through me

I hope you have one left
to **** me

190 · Oct 2017

yellowest

eileen Oct 2017

yellowest

learned emotions
love. guilt. shame.

I haven't felt those yet

I'm so small
I fit in the palm of your hand

but I'm drinking milk
going to fly soon

maybe grow too

190 · Jul 2018

Thunder moon

eileen Jul 2018

Thunder moon

The clouds touch the moon
Please come out soon

So strange to see you
Hours later
You were covered in red

Feels like I'm in wonderland
with you tonight

No lights

Gives me butterflies
This is my kind of wonderland

Out in the sand
Moon waves

Come out
Come out

Stay out of the clouds

189 · Nov 2021

are we still together?

eileen Nov 2021

are we still together?

all the people I talk to
all
but none are you
are you coming back soon
do you hate me too
staring at the ceiling
you're such a pretty vision
inside this perfect daydream
do you even care
all the things I wish to say
will they turn to dust and
disappear
don't pretend to forget
I know you wont

189 · Dec 2015

The inside & out

eileen Dec 2015

The inside & out

Pathetic and bad
Knowing that you haven't caught up

Yes it's a good day
But I let tears out
And I didn't mean for you
To see me that way

Sometimes no one sees
The real me
The one who
Writes poetry

The one who stopped
Cutting
Just so I can be "happy"

The one who doesn't know
How to act in school
Quiet or mean
Sad or fake happy

I , the one who
Stays and sees the fights
But stays quiet
And isn't on a side

But who do they think I am ?
The myriam who just
Makes them laugh
And does favors
Like lightning fast

Or the mariym
Who suffers
Just by over thinking
At night ..

189 · Mar 2020

knowingly

eileen Mar 2020

knowingly

if I can't have you
I don't want to know you at all

I want to forget your name
I never want to see your face

I'm disappointed in myself
where did I go wrong

are we not compatible

I fell so fast

unknowingly

you fell asleep

I wish you could feel the way I'm feeling

I hate how much I miss you

I wish I could hate you

I hate myself for losing you

189 · Aug 2017

moving houses

eileen Aug 2017

moving houses

you were the oxygen
i needed
the four walls i felt comfortable in

now you are very far away
strangers sleep in you instead

188 · Nov 2019

Nocturnality

eileen Nov 2019

Nocturnality

I'm now a nocturnal animal
don't ask me how
I will teach myself to love dawn

study the moon and sun close together
just for a short while

all good things are temporary

cold and lonely
somebody hold me

restless again
I see no sleep today
maybe tomorrow

188 · Aug 2017

◕

eileen Aug 2017

◕

I can hear the music
To the bottom of my feet
I have the lights off
Why don't you come and turn them on
I haven't even put clothes on
From the shower i took
Hair dripping wet and I'm cold
Where did you go
So far away
Why did you runaway
I don't see the positive
I can only see the rain
You told me I've been acting grey
Why does matter
Couldn't have you waited
I hear strange voice at night
Only to realize it's ours
In my dream
I can almost feel your presence
Behind me
Almost

188 · Aug 2018

Dear friend

eileen Aug 2018

Dear friend

Well he comes and goes
without a heart
everyone knows

The smile you broke
I can't find the pieces to it
now I'm broke

He's old
gotta say it

But his mind
is never playing

He writes without a saying
yet he says what everyone is thinking

It's not 2015 anymore
I'm not so small
and torn

Sharp like thorn

He comes and goes

When the tree's leaves fall
I'll remember
our lost days

When you painted them white

Christmas never felt so warm
I'll always remember

188 · Feb 2020

bad friend

eileen Feb 2020

bad friend

maybe I'm your worst friend

maybe
I don't deserve you

I forgot your birthday
don't know your mom's name
haven't seen you in ages
we talk in simple sentences

I know
I'm your worst friend

if you leave
I deserved it

you're too nice
I'd never take advantage
maybe I hold on because you're all I have

you're my best friend
you deserve better

188 · Feb 2020

the right side of my brain

eileen Feb 2020

the right side of my brain

truthfully

it hurts I can't speak

everyone asking me

can't feel my hands anymore

I only feel real standing with the wind

don't count on me

I don't look both ways

if we crash

walk away

188 · Oct 2015

Going to sleep

eileen Oct 2015

Going to sleep

For that yesterday is the past
Tomorrow i will last

187 · Aug 2019

away from you

eileen Aug 2019

away from you

I want to talk about my day
no lies or secrets mixed in

I want to smile and laugh
feel it running through my veins

I'm wishful
so hopeless

I forget you
again
you're still crawling inside my head

I hope you don't judge
I'd hate to see that look in your eyes

I had an awakening yesterday
I'll sleeping it away

187 · Sep 2018

Show me; I'll show you

eileen Sep 2018

Show me; I'll show you

It's 23:11
I know we all feel lonely
And depressed

I've never asked anyone to hold me
I let the stress drown inside me

It's almost midnight
I know we don't feel right

I write for me

I'll show you
the worst of me

Give me the best of you

It's 23:12

No more wishes
no more empty dreams

There's a hole in my heart
I have to fill

We're all lonely

It's never a loving feeling

187 · Mar 2016

Middle

eileen Mar 2016

Middle

Can we go to nor heaven or hell
If we want to ?

If so what is this place called
Can I go now ..

187 · Jun 2018

Fowards

eileen Jun 2018

Fowards

Drinking milk
white as the moon

I've stopped asking
where you go

no matter how far away
whatever time

I'll fill the blank pages
to our lost stories

no matter if you're gone
if you'll never come back

I won't stop loving

hard to accept
I still can't sleep early

where you stay
I'll always look forward to the morning

I'll treasure our moments
I'll fill the blank pages

You're intertwined
now in my heart

186 · Aug 2018

blue blood

eileen Aug 2018

blue blood

I have to connect myself to an outlet
I'm drained out of energy

My friends
Beautiful days

I never noticed the trees then

My life
hard times

Its best of friends
We'll never see each other again

I'm running out of memories
I have little space

Please erase all past years pictures from my head

I'm trying to download your laugh
replay it
When you're away

I can't cry

I have no sense

Best of friends

Let me feel it
What they feel

All I feel is lost

186 · Dec 2015

Favorites

eileen Dec 2015

Favorites

White
Is too pure
For my kind

I am too broken
But I am caring

Red was everything to me
Because it was everything
I would see

And lastly

Blue because
I wanted to drown
In an ocean
Of depression

186 · Jul 2019

I don't want to be a girl anymore

eileen Jul 2019

I don't want to be a girl anymore

she says
child must you choose the color blue
pink is the color for you

don't cut your hair to short
please start dressing like a girl
that's what you should be

don't even think about tattoos
don't think about being different

don't think
oh I'm thinking
thinking of everything

she says
child
I will keep you close
I'll never let you be someone else

lock me up
chain me down

I'm her pretty face
I'm what she's not

\\\

the little they know
keeps me safe

little do they know
they'll never know
I hold the key
I'm safe
I remind myself at night
hugging the chains on my bones

I'm everything she hates
I'm the difference in this world

don't change me
don't erase me
you don't own me

I say
let me be

I don't want to be a boy either so ...

186 · Nov 2018

Me

eileen Nov 2018

Me

I want my death
to shake the world

I want my death
to be known

Because
I am a nobody

I have no face
I have no body

I'm so transparent
You can't see me

So please love me
Treat my ghost well

186 · Jul 2020

quicksand

eileen Jul 2020

quicksand

another day
I swallow my tears
all I want to do is scream

set me free
what must I do
to erase all my mistakes
I don't want to remember all my regrets

what must I do
I want to start over
every time I lie
I can feel the truth behind me

186 · Jan 2022

are you alone

eileen Jan 2022

are you alone

I know it can be so simple

but it never is

not with me

tell me
how do I make you love me

valentine cards
flowers but no hearts

I want to push you
so you can fall for me

how do I make you want me

boy it can be simple

it never is

not with you

you're in front of me

tempted

you're so forbidden

I only want you more

lust clouds my judgment

I can't have you if you don't want me

185 · Apr 2022

mailbox

eileen Apr 2022

mailbox

you can put all the wind in a bag
send it my house
so it doesn't bother you anymore

you can hate me for months
love me after
come back when I've forgotten

it's hard to say
i love you so much
why is it so hard to
express what I feel

if you tell me something small
something big
I'll remember

I still have trouble falling asleep
you don't care
taking more pills
nothing works anyways

is it too late
to say
how much you mean to me

does it mean nothing now
is all my love meaningless

you can't forget me
I'll always think of you

till it hurts
one day it won't

185 · May 2018

plastic bags

eileen May 2018

plastic bags

he's got a heart
and I want it all

he hides it in plain sight
he's like sunlight
burning my skin

all I see is red
all I hear is him

I'm calling out your name
I'm waiting for you to do the same

I know you'll never love me
I'll be here forever
if you change your mind

I see your face everywhere
I hear your name all the time

I'm calling out your name
expecting the same

I'll die
hoping you realize
I'm the one

185 · Nov 2017

drafting XIII

eileen Nov 2017

drafting XIII

I'm embracing the light in the dark
because that's all I have right now

185 · Jul 2017

◎

eileen Jul 2017

◎

i remember when we got high
we were giggling
and kissing half of the time
you said
i never do this with someone
and that you like to be alone
it was stuck on my mind

was i suppose to feel
special ?

you never mentioned it again
since you kept
trying to follow me

185 · Dec 2017

Theythem

eileen Dec 2017

Theythem

I'm the one who shows up briefly
You won't see me come in
Or leave

The one who has a silent mouth
screaming brain

I got a thousand made up stories
Pressed flowers to give away
Little affection
All of my attention

Such a cliché
We're all the same

What makes us any different

I'm the one
Who tells you about honesty
The liar hides behind a curtain

A living statue
Who sheds tears
Once a year

Changes their self
mood flows like ocean waves

It all depends on the moon

Lays in bed
To stare at the ceiling

Trying to hate everything
(I love everything)

Such a shame
We're so alike

We might never get along

184 · Feb 2019

polymorphism

eileen Feb 2019

polymorphism

how should I love you
I don't know how to

184 · Feb 2022

wishing for you

eileen Feb 2022

wishing for you

i think about you at 11 pm

i'm too shy

picking at my skin

wondering what you would say

if i said something crazy

delusional and
once again confused

please don't leave
until i leave first

know there's lots of secrets
I won't share

unless you ever ask me to

i'd do anything
anything you ask me too

walking in a circle
because i think

i think
dangerously

i hate that i see pieces of myself in everyone
but i can't see myself completely

do you think
dangerously too

something so small
can become
a sweet dream

184 · Dec 2017

ᴛʜᴇᴍᴏɴsᴛᴇʀɪɴʏᴏᴜʀʜᴇᴀᴅ

eileen Dec 2017

ᴛʜᴇᴍᴏɴsᴛᴇʀɪɴʏᴏᴜʀʜᴇᴀᴅ

dₑₐᵣ ℓ,
ᵢ wₒₙdₑᵣ wₕₑₙ wₐₛ ₜₕₑ fᵢᵣₛₜ ₜᵢₘₑ yₒᵤ ᵢₙₕₐₗₑd ₚₒᵢₛₒₙ ᵤₚ yₒᵤᵣ ₕₑₐd

ᵢ wₐᵢₜₑd fₒᵣ yₒᵤ ᵢₙ ₜₕₑ dₐᵣₖ ₐₗₗₑy
ₑᵥₑₙ wₕₑₙ ᵢ ₖₙₑw yₒᵤ wₑᵣₑₙ'ₜ cₒₘᵢₙg

ᵢ ⱼᵤₛₜ wₐₙₜₑd ₜₒ dₐₙcₑ ₛₒₘₑwₕₑᵣₑ ₐₗₒₙₑ
fₒᵣ yₒᵤ ₜₒ ₕₒₗd ₘₑ cₗₒₛₑ

ᵢ ₛₐw yₒᵤ ₖᵢₛₛ ₘy fᵣᵢₑₙdₛ
ᵢ fₑₗₜ ₐ ₚₐᵢₙ ᵢₙ ₘy cₕₑₛₜ
ₗᵤₙgₛ ₜᵢgₕₜₑₙₑd wᵢₜₕ ᵣₑgᵣₑₜ

ℓ,
wₕₐₜ ₜᵢₘₑ dᵢd yₒᵤ ₛwₐₗₗₒw ₜₕₒₛₑ ₜᵢₙy ₚᵢₗₗₛ
dᵢd yₒᵤ ₜₕᵢₙₖ yₒᵤ'ₗₗ ₙₑᵥₑᵣ fₐₗₗ ᵢₗₗ

ₜᵣy ₕₐᵣdₑᵣ
yₒᵤᵣ ₙₒₛₑ ᵢₛ bₗₑₑdᵢₙg
ₐₛ yₒᵤ'ᵣₑ ₗₐᵤgₕᵢₙg

ᵢ ⱼᵤₛₜ wₐₙₜ ₜₒ ₖₙₒw wₕₑₙ ᵢₜ ₐₗₗ ₕₐₚₚₑₙₑd

184 · Aug 2018

a young woman with no resolve

eileen Aug 2018

a young woman with no resolve

I'll cry with you
I'll forget your real name
I love your dark side
I love the demons in your head
I make them go away

I'll let you lay your head on my shoulder
I won't leave you alone

I make things look so easy
in my head
I drown

before I even see the surface

I'm trying to make it through

I'll give you my light
I'll carry the weight

to keep your pretty smile

184 · Dec 2015

Evanescent

eileen Dec 2015

Evanescent

My shadows
Are losing control

I don't If it's me
Or you

I'm running in circles
Yet I can't
Catch you

It's like those
Horror movies
Where everyone dies

Because we were ghosts
Since the beginning of time

184 · Sep 2021

sleep with me

eileen Sep 2021

sleep with me

do you wanna sleep with me
side to side
eye to eye
mind to mind
heart to heart
you know
I don't want to talk
you know
no one likes to listen
you know
I can't even
it feels like I'm bleeding
every time I try too
rather keep to myself
then pour my guts to you

I'm fine where I am
right here
right now
I don't feel like I'm losing myself

184 · Nov 2019

sleepy bus

eileen Nov 2019

sleepy bus

the clouds look strange
are they real
am I dreaming

184 · Sep 2018

a morning death

eileen Sep 2018

a morning death

rain
sleeping in memories of rain
trying to remember how I felt
now I'm confused
stuck in a daze
wake me up
when a time machine exists
I want to talk about
everything we lost
the morning after
I wish I could hear
you laugh one last time
If only you could look
at me the same way you did back then
now I'm crying
I'm dying
I'll **** myself
for you to love me

183 · Apr 2018

Inez

eileen Apr 2018

Inez

Pick a hole in the sky
Want to see a glimpse of the blue
Hiding under this grey blanket of clouds
I'm being blown away
Nothing makes sense
Fiction or fantasy
Is all I can take
I can't think
My head is silent
That left turn
Changes you whole

183 · Jan 2020

Bye poetry

eileen Jan 2020

Bye poetry

sorry to say
but some of your poems
aren't poems

this is not a poem / why was this trending ?? oh my..

183 · Jan 2021

I want to ruin your life

eileen Jan 2021

I want to ruin your life

you made me feel pretty
in the most disgusting way

10w

182 · Apr 2018

Light years

eileen Apr 2018

Light years

Cause I'm so in love
Forbidden
Know you'll never get it
I'll just disappear into the night
I'm so in love
Betrayal
Don't care
Having to wait
Hurts a heart
Find me
Where stars blossom
In a nebula
In pink skies
In a blank page
bigger than these bones
I'm not in my head
Feeling so far away
It's like my soul went for a walk
Trying to call it back in
Knowing it's too far
So far

182 · Nov 2017

heartless

eileen Nov 2017

heartless

I know how these ungrateful beings work
the way they use kind people
as puppets
they have not felt guilt

I know how they sleep
the way they smile and laugh like
they haven't hurt
and destroyed hearts

I know
they don't have their own