Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Feb 2021 · 109
the smallest flower
eileen Feb 2021
the most beautiful flower

can I keep all my wishes
inside my back pocket

forgot the place I started
where am I supposed to go now

calling my friend
just to cry

no one listens
they take advantage

pretty flowers
butterflies in my hair

ripping off the petals
without my permission
hurts so much

I've never felt like such a child
so scary how small you made me

keeping my tears inside
waiting to fall to the floor

everything is ruined now
Feb 2021 · 88
concept
eileen Feb 2021
didn't want to let you know

how do I tell you
something that hurts me to admit

don't have the heart to say
you didn't mean nothing to me back then

I forgot you easily
I let you go because I didn't care about you

I can't remember all the things we did
all the words I said

you told me
you remember everything

I remember the night
you told me you were depressed
on video call
while I sat down in my bed

I remember sitting down on the library floor
waiting for you

it's so hard to put the pieces together
dark times I chose to erase

now we reconnect
I promise I won't be the same like I used to be
Feb 2021 · 74
red lips
eileen Feb 2021
you hate that my lips aren't red
I cut open to cover them in blood

do you love me
even if it's painful

I'm killing myself softly

you think I'm so beautiful broken

so sick in the brain
you love to tear me up and put me back together

making me believe
you're the only one who can love me
you save me from myself

I feel so ugly
how am I pretty to you

if you hate my skin
I'll rip it all off
grow it back soft for you
Feb 2021 · 624
nobody's fault
eileen Feb 2021
now it's over
I was waiting

I didn't want anyone to notice

it was nobody's fault

I'm too nice
to everyone

kindness
synonym for weakness

being nice doesn't
make me feel safe

being nice doesn't
make me feel loved

nowhere to run

it's over
no more talking

all said and done
it's nobody's fault

I don't want to be nice anymore

don't ask me for favors

I don't want to talk
don't wait for my response

it's all his fault
let's not pretend

I want everyone to know

I'm not angry
I'm not bitter

I don't care anymore

believe me
I am moving on
Jan 2021 · 229
where do lost friends go
eileen Jan 2021
how are you
how are you

are you okay
are you okay

i miss you right now

repeating things in my head
where did it all go wrong

i'm so forgettable
everyone throws me away

i wish we never met
but im happy we did

im a bad friend
i only know
once they hate me
Jan 2021 · 138
kindness is power
eileen Jan 2021
I'm an *******

I'm only nice
to make you weak

my mother didn't teach me how to love
I was taught well how to be manipulative

I'm the *****
my opinions are never wrong

facts

I don't care if they don't like me
I'm not going anywhere

I'm smiling behind their backs
I never hold the knife

sometimes you need to take advantage of the pity

so small
I can crawl out of sight

so blind
I listen to the whispers

stay on my good side
promise it's better this way
Jan 2021 · 959
dead to me
eileen Jan 2021
I think you died
you forgot to tell me

no invitation to the burial or the funeral
why didn't you tell me

was it an accident
tell me

why did you leave me so easily
for a boy who will only give you heartbreak

my friend died
she said I can't talk to you anymore
haven't heard from her in months

happy new year
you threw away our good friendship like a piece of paper

I'll visit your grave one day
press all your flowers and crush the ashes into the wind

you're dead to me
I know you're in trouble
only you can save yourself now
Jan 2021 · 120
hanging up
eileen Jan 2021
didn't think you'd abandon me
waiting by the window

hoping to catch your shadow

people talk behind my back
does it even matter to you

please don't forget me
I'm so forgettable

did you forget my name
I'll tell you again

m-y-r-
you never let me finish

I'm too lazy to chase you

please don't forget me
I can't stop thinking about you

people don't know me well
it doesn't matter
I don't care

if I lose
its okay

I'll forget you too
Jan 2021 · 327
nine
eileen Jan 2021
he taught me the wrong ways to love

his love was always a knife my throat

lost the definition of trust

is this all your love

is this what I need
Jan 2021 · 112
did you ever look for me
eileen Jan 2021
it hurts a little
when the start of something
becomes nothing
Jan 2021 · 128
walking in circles
eileen Jan 2021
I'm the most indecisive perfectionist

you don't want to admit you hate me

can you change me

please tell me what to do
Jan 2021 · 81
see you on a dark night
eileen Jan 2021
it's not fun and right

how much does it cost to ask permission
must've been expensive for you

you're a poor man

how much does it cost
it's so expensive
to respect a woman

I don't want drama
drama
drama


I smiled and said it's okay

I lie so easily
it's all fun and games

you messed with me
of course I was going to ruin your life

did you think differently
did you sleep peacefully
the night you ruined my life

it's not fun
it's not right

but it's so expensive
how much does it cost

now you know
I can laugh now

oh it's so fun
to have the power you don't have anymore

speak up
yes I did

are we still friends

how sorry can you be

it will never mean anything
Jan 2021 · 955
I can laugh now
eileen Jan 2021
we shouldn't sit in the same room alone
my mistake for ever trusting you

an ounce of kindness
got me into a hell of a mess

I want you to sleep
so I can crawl into your nightmares

are we still friends now
are you sorry now
Jan 2021 · 107
yield
eileen Jan 2021
there's nothing to say
we're like building blocks falling over
I can't stand still

I have nothing to say
I keep my mouth shut

you don't have to ask me again
l trace over my blue veins

don't come over
I don't need you breathing over me

I trust no one
there's no point

you never see the stop sign
keep on going
Jan 2021 · 478
noches
eileen Jan 2021
I still fall asleep thinking about
the night I messaged you goodnight
while you slept in the other room

we haven't spoke in years
it never feels like tomorrow


I hoped one day you would miss me
call me to say you're sorry

some relationships are never fixed
some are nonexistent

one day I'll buy white roses
think of you for a second or two
Jan 2021 · 92
regret it
eileen Jan 2021
why did you ruin something so sweet
something so innocent

you can't ever erase
I will never forget
Jan 2021 · 146
I want to ruin your life
eileen Jan 2021
you made me feel pretty
in the most disgusting way
10w
Jan 2021 · 117
expectations & cooperation
eileen Jan 2021
I wonder if they have expectations of me
Did they think so highly of me
What do they think of me
Who am i
I tried keeping my distance
I didn’t want any closing
Or friendships
Could’ve kept my mouth shut the whole time

He was friendly
He was nice
He was funny
He was helping
He is not what I thought he was

I’m torn
I hate myself
For trusting a man

I feel stupid and pathetic
innocent and naive

I know i can’t fix anything
If i don’t ask for help

I’m still a coward who wants to run away
My ego is big and I want to prove them wrong
I can’t do both and I can’t do only one

Cooperating
How if i have no reason

I don’t owe them anything
What does anything matter anymore

These past months feel wasteful

I want to throw every memory away

I can still feel his face in my neck

Whispering “do you like it?”
Jan 2021 · 136
I thought you liked it
eileen Jan 2021
my neck still burns

he made me crumble and fall

he ruined my life

why did he touch me without my permission

I can't erase it from my head

I can't sleep

I can't eat

why did he ruin everything

my skin still burns

how much longer
when can I wash this disgusting feeling away

why did he do this to me

I almost convinced myself it was my fault

turned everything into anger
I wish I could **** him

I hope I ruin his life

the damage is done

he haunts me now

I'm so scared  

to feel this weak and broken
Jan 2021 · 104
predictions
eileen Jan 2021
I don't have to write something
I don't care what day it is

is it happy
it's just a new year

it rains
too cold to get out of bed

I feel so alone
even with you here
Dec 2020 · 65
martha
eileen Dec 2020
all eyes on me
trying to hold back the tears

I can't imagine a life without you
it hurts too much to

you're the only one left
don't leave me yet

it seems from the outside
I don't love anyone

I don't know how to

I love the memories we made

please keep breathing

please don't leave me

please keep breathing

please don't make me cry

let me hug you one last time
Dec 2020 · 80
A.
eileen Dec 2020
A.
angel
devil in disguise

I think you did something to me
it wasn't right

you and me
we lie

it's the only way
we sleep at night

a tragic story
our relationship is broken and unloving

paint a smile on our faces
uncomfortable conversations

put the devil in your name
there's nothing angelic about your face

together we make
the perfect lie

we're only happy
until we're caught in our web of lies
Dec 2020 · 75
dreams of delusion
eileen Dec 2020
you left a bitter taste in my head

all the birthday gifts I bought you
meant nothing

you're another mistake on my list

why did I tell you all my secrets and dreams

you left a crack on the walls I built

but I never let you inside

now it's feels so good

it was too good to be true

where did all our delusional dreams go

I'll find someone new

you don't deserve me

throw me away

I think you'll regret all of your decisions

I say

was anything

everything we did

does it have any worth

now all I feel is worthless

all the minutes seconds and hours we spent together feel like a waste of time
Dec 2020 · 53
for the second time
eileen Dec 2020
I'm crying
for the first time

I'm accepting it
now you're gone

I'm never enough
for anyone

all these months
did they mean anything to you

how can you just leave me
so easily

off you go
I taught you everything you know

all those late night calls
or the morning ones

I never put you last
why did you forget me so fast

I know I'm no one's first choice

so I became everything you wanted
why don't you want me anymore

you're in love
and I'm crying

for the first time
feeling used

don't you have anything to say to me

I don't want to know
I won't answer the phone

I'm all alone

I wanted the best for you
but the best for you isn't with me

I want the worst now
Dec 2020 · 64
1826
eileen Dec 2020
hey here come the holidays
I haven't answered your calls

my eyes roll into my sockets

we push and pull
I rant and you never listen

instead you call me
talk about your girlfriend

I hate to say
I wait for the day you're lonely
and you need me again

I loved being your only one
that's all gone now

you pushed me away
so I'll go away
Dec 2020 · 52
look at the time
eileen Dec 2020
my only constant

the constant voice
telling me something is wrong

something doesn't feel right
it never does

wish I could get up
start my day early

blame the weather
the heavy clouds pressure me

nothing hurts
I'm too robotic

I haven't found my soul
time is cutting close
Dec 2020 · 76
influencer
eileen Dec 2020
I'm a bit narcissistic
my friends are never enough

too many people are ignoring me
I'm trying to keep everyone in my sight

don't close the windows at night
you know you can still call me or come over

I'm a bit selfish
sorry I forgot to ask about your day

how have you been
you know you can tell me anything you like

I'm a narcissist
losing all my friends

selfish
I just want all the attention
Dec 2020 · 53
cold eyes
eileen Dec 2020
it feels so good
when you say my name
in the darkness

when we pray
with your head between my thighs

it feels so nice
when your hands are holding my face

I hate the way you say my name
when the night has ended
you changed my identity

I am too attached
I love you too much

please don't leave
stay in bed

it's too cold
don't let me fall asleep alone
Dec 2020 · 68
rose garden
eileen Dec 2020
still remember
those cold December mornings

I had no jacket to keep me warm
you kept the car on till I had to go

wish I never met you
we're so nonexistent

I tried so hard to like you
you were so quick to hate me

I want to undo it

undo everyday

undo everything I did
eileen Dec 2020
catching my breath

your ghost
smiles from the corner

I'm haunted by everyone's expectations
everyone's false realities

it won't be long
I'll ruin my image
I just want to be happy

all that bad energy
all of it is gone

it's all gone
gone
gone

don't you worry
I'll be fine
without you

with you
I'm always wrong

tell me what you want
I can't wait to be the best version of myself

even if you hate me
I don't care because all of the pressure

is gone
gone gone

I needed a place
I can be alone

I'm so happy now
because you're

gone
Dec 2020 · 80
sea
eileen Dec 2020
sea
I think it's time to let myself float
after so much time

I deserve to breathe again

one day I'll let myself swim
Dec 2020 · 59
me and my loneliness
eileen Dec 2020
my feet are killing me
we don't talk anymore

someone entertains you
you leave me all alone

ignoring me for someone else

must be nice to have someone to hug at the end of the day

no one ever makes me food anymore these days

and when she leaves
I'll be waiting for you

the door is unlocked
you're my sweet poison

must be nice to have someone who cares
I don't think I've felt loved in years

dying to have someone touch me
even if I flinch and scream

we always come apart
this distance I recognize

must be nice to have someone by your side
Dec 2020 · 44
forever 18
eileen Dec 2020
my best advice is
buy flowers in the cold
the flowers never grow old

weeks pass
they still hold themselves together

a vase without water
eternal flowers

reminding me of the eighteenth of november
Dec 2020 · 42
is it too late again
eileen Dec 2020
maybe tomorrow I'll wake and be the person I want to be
maybe I won't make the same mistakes

I wish I didn't have to see my face
why must I speak out loud
Dec 2020 · 62
i was never there
eileen Dec 2020
feels so good to be far away from you again

regret the day I ever went back to you

love you more this way

without all the suffering and pain

I don't cry anymore

I'm so free

you will never let me go

I'll let you go

no more forgetting

I remember what you did

no more forgiveness

I'll never accept an apology

you thought you hid the key

silly

I locked myself within you

I easily let myself out
Dec 2020 · 49
it's december again
eileen Dec 2020
wish I could make money off poems
money doesn't grow on words

somedays I don't see the sun
the moon hides away

feels like I'm a curse
I wish I was alone

I feel guilty for lying
the only way no one can judge me

too protective
too embarrassed

never wanted to get older
left myself somewhere dark

wish things were different when I was young
nothing can be done
Dec 2020 · 43
the angel
eileen Dec 2020
hello angel
what's your name
feel you breathing down my neck

playing hide and seek
when we're both transparent

I'm from another world
how do you know my language

we don't use words
all we know is emotion

you're like a new color to my eyes

I let you hug my soul

kept me warm

please come visit me again
Nov 2020 · 61
strong winds
eileen Nov 2020
anxiety is eating away my teeth

I can't go to sleep

tell my guardian angels

I'm losing my mind

I feel myself falling apart

I'll be back in a few days
Nov 2020 · 44
the last exit
eileen Nov 2020
why why why
me it's always me

I'll be the bad guy

sorry I hate holding the knife

I have the blood on my hands

I'm the villain

hurts to be the killer

before the story ends

what are your last words
Nov 2020 · 51
pink salt
eileen Nov 2020
I think it's time to accept it

I don't want to grow up anymore

I don't to be older
now I'm old

I can see the dark circles under my eyes
sleeping more than I should

I still feel so tired

I drown everyday
choking on the air we breathe

I know we're not little kids anymore

nothing feels enough
I have everything and nothing

don't hate me for missing the old days
thinking about the years leading up to all of this

I know I must grow up
all alone without help

I'm scared and excited

I think I can see something new in my eyes
Nov 2020 · 62
closer but closed off
eileen Nov 2020
driving around
sun down

I'm out
feels like I was hiding nothing

I wonder
how things will go

for now
I will sleep

my guardian angel close by
somedays it's okay to just be fine
Nov 2020 · 62
looking behind me
eileen Nov 2020
the time has come

I have everything I want

now I can't close my eyes

I can't see anything in front of me

all these changing colors

falling with the leaves

what if days feel like a blur

will I forget everything we do

are we ever together

I hope you're happy

the time is coming

I feel ripped apart

I can breathe

so satisfied

so content

I need to retrace my steps

how did I get here

if the old me is listening

please hear me
can be read reversed /
Nov 2020 · 70
I'm giving
eileen Nov 2020
maybe when I was younger

that's all I say

are you ready to know the real me

so tired of lying and changing myself

maybe when I was younger

that's all I can say now
eileen Nov 2020
\/\ cut my tongue off today
I stabbed my eyes too

I look so good on the outside
why don't you look inside \/\
Nov 2020 · 83
spooky angels
eileen Nov 2020
there's evil standing behind you

a selfish demon you can't shake off

they love it when you bleed

it's a beautiful torture

you don't see

it's walking outside your window

that dark shadow behind the door

you hear a deep whisper

it's hard to sleep alone

when you're not really alone

the evil watches over you

they will find an opening

soon they will come

don't look behind

even if you feel them

crawling up to the ceiling

the smell of fear so sweet

the relief when you start to tremble and cry

accepting the evil inside you
Nov 2020 · 46
bedtime thoughts
eileen Nov 2020
I hate you so much today

I'm feeling stupid

enough to say

I hope you regret it all

maybe one day I won't come back home
it will be all your fault

maybe one day I won't open the front door
I'll just be a ghost in your head
Nov 2020 · 1.5k
abstract
eileen Nov 2020
seventeen
it was fun
till it wasn't

seventeen
haunts me

seventeen
hates me

seventeen
isn't real

seventeen
was ugly

seventeen
don't leave

seventeen
I never want to see you again

seventeen
I'll do it all again

seventeen
you're the worst

seventeen
I love you
Nov 2020 · 60
blue denim
eileen Nov 2020
thinking about those hot summer days
stuck in traffic

I remember always looking over to you

in the backseat of a taxi
always counting down in my head
didn't want the moment to end

while our mother ranted to the driver
we stared out the window

the city never felt comforting

still find myself
thinking about that afternoon

I regret not leaving sooner
I regret not running away with you for a day

every time you'd leave
I didn't want to blink or let my tears fall
Nov 2020 · 41
break it together
eileen Nov 2020
you said you'd help
don't you remember

I get a feeling
you don't care about anyone but yourself

nobody else will treat me like you
it's much better we're not together

don't come looking for me when I'm down
don't come when I'm doing good

I got a feeling
I mean nothing

can't wait to let you down
how does it feel
now I'm letting go

you're so clueless

I might disappear tomorrow
Nov 2020 · 35
when do leaves fall
eileen Nov 2020
cutting off my nails again

I know it's time to grow up
but I'm always short on everything

I'm trying to be a good friend
but I'm putting myself last

the trees still breathe
they're still so green

they don't match my emotions
I want them all to be dead
Next page