i remember when we got high
we were giggling
and kissing half of the time
you said
i never do this with someone
and that you like to be alone
it was stuck on my mind

was i suppose to feel
special ?

you never mentioned it again
since you kept
trying to follow me

i remember i had
friends

i lost them all

i remember people
had trust

now it's all
about being
to themselves

i've had so many lucky
days

now things go down
down

sometimes i wonder if i repeat
my thoughts
and copy them
to another poem


someone is always
bothered in what
i'm always typing

how to share a
piece
is not something i do


somewhere i know
i'll feel safe

and somehow
i'll find my way through
this melancholy phase

keep going back
To all the memories in my head

I still visit the old
Swimming pool

The lights off
There's no water
To touch

It's all empty
And gone

I can still
Hear the whispers
Of thoughts
I had in the water

Everyone is gone
I have no one where
To go
Can someone
Rescue me after all

I've climbed out
The pool stairs
What's next?

all of them left

said i was too deep in

too heavy to carry



no one is watching me now

the empty chair

moving from the bottom

why did they go



i'm so lonely now

i'll have to save myself

now that i remember they left saying

i was already drowning



i don't need a

rescue

i'm not passive drowning



i didn't a lifeguard to teach me

i'm getting so

caught up seeing

you everywhere

in my brain

even if i hold my breath you won't go away

i can't swim away from you

each time i get closer i see the surface of the pool

your waiting for me

i'm trying so hard

and i let the filter

catch all these bad thoughts

so i won't have to go back up

it's almost fall

and you say i'll freeze to death

i was preparing myself for this



and i won't need anyone's warmth

just the sun's

three beds
three screens
three hearts
three pillows
three mouths
six eyes
six hands
six feet
   six ears
  in this room

this room
my room

i feel no one just myself
it's just me
one brain
one nose
one heart
one roomm

i like all sorts of toxic scents

gasoline
cigarette smoke
chlorine

but the one that messes with me the most

is your perfume
that makes me go back to you

i just want to say

or type

goodnight

I lay on the terrace

Below the night sky


This isn't normal
For me to see
Bright stars

I'm having trouble standing up

I like being in the wind

The moon
No where to be seen

Today isn't my day

It's those days
Where the pool doesn't
Get shade

The sundries
The water out

And I'm having trouble
Staying
Below the water

I get so dizzy
And weird feeling
As if I need
To Choke

It's a day
Where I just float

My back facing the sky
And I'm staring
Into the
Deep pool floor

He said
I've never met
A poet who lives
Underwater

I couldn't hear you then

As i was swimming
To the dark corner of
The pool

I was so scared

I had not came up
In so long

Afraid i won't
Be able to breathe

I've been underwater
So safe

Swimming in
My pool of
All my thoughts

I can't come up


Yet your still waiting for
Me above

I always make people happy

I make laughs
And smiles

No one makes me happy
Or laugh , smile

I've lived in so
Many houses
I've never had a home

I swam in a swimming pool
So much water in my head
I drowned

I was deep down
I can't breathe air anymore


All i see from underwater is
Smiles
And the laughs

The blue waves
On the surface

i like the way
the voices sound
underwater

my thoughts
are clear

closed eyes

i am not a mermaid

they tell me to get my head out
of the water

but i live here now
i can breathe better

i'm so brainwashed
with the toxic smell
of chlorine

i am floating
in my swimming pool
all day

you don't like me so much

skin and hair wet
you say my eyes look red

well dear that's because
i've been writing

underwater poetry

all day

you said

that you are tired

of me living underwater



and that you want to drain

my swimming pool again



that i have to be cleansed

and renew



i'll swim far far away from you

i breathe in chlorine water now

i use to hold you

with a good thought in mind

now i'm letting go

of all possible thoughts with you

     you never say hello

      and i refuse to call

i'm so far away

i miss where we use to live

               now that i live in a swimming pool

                  things changed

       i would use your dry hands to get out

                now i'm forced to use

                         wet ladders

i had to find a safe place



i'm always the first to be dared

no one ever goes out

i am pushed

pressure on my back

i'm sitting at the bottom of a pool

everything feels good

i'm writing again

i write

it took me long

i can see you in the back of my mind

you won't say goodbye

it takes long to fall asleep

thinking about you

                           when i go outside

                                           i'm so distracted      and i have to dive in

to begin writing

underwater poetry

forget about last year

so much happened

erase what i use to be

just look beyond

the old me

Everything is embarrassing

Looks like our days
Are over

Im thinking all day
A way to ruin your perfect face
    You know the maze
   Every corner every wall
Dont come
You have been staring behind my head
   Can't burn what's too frozen
  We're like convection currents
Sit close but seats away
Dont come again

And i waste my day figuring out a
Way to avoid you
  But you always find a way to make
Me smile

Frown because no one is around
Cry because no one can hear your
Sobs
Scream as loud so the birds can hear

But remember take a peek
See if anyone heard
If someone did
Run

Should i go along
With a fake smile

Or just frown all day

She was craving a yellow cake
   To fill her up with happiness

She saw him cry
His princess was *****
And a liar
He made a big mistake

She ran to catch up
To her understanding
And then was happy

She saw him and grabbed his hand
Saying he would be fine

She stayed
And he notice more things

The thunder was slowly
And the lightning constant
The rain seemed angry
Or maybe the skies clouds
Were depressed
All i could tell was that
They were crying hard

I'm happy
I'm sad
I'm mad
I'm happy
I'm sad
I'm mean
I'm depressed
I'm happy
I'm suicidal
I'm mad
I'm confused

Oh well time to get ready for the next day

It's the sound of silence
That gives me comfort

That I will know your
Next move
Or someone coming

It's silence that
Keeps me safe

Even if it's scary
Not to hear nothing

I will be ok


Maybe if I read this a million times
I'll believe it

My little grey dress
The day is almost coming

The dress is so plain
No rain

But when I have to go
Don't cry my love

My pretty
Pink lips painted
My hair not combed
But messy

The night was made to cry
Because there's no light

My time is coming
And yet I can feel
The sunrise as well

I have your back
Even though you judge me
Lightning fast

I don't laugh at
Your jokes
So you will look
Ridiculous

I will pay Our
Ice cream even though
You shouldn't have any

I will hug you
With my eyes
Wide open

And hate you tomorrow
Morning

We are always
Something
To
Nothing

Can we go to nor heaven or hell
If we want to ?

If so what is this place called
Can I go now ..

How much I wish it was
Happiness that inspires
Me

Im not a poet anymore
I have grown out
If i have no feelings
What should i write about
My body was sleeping
And my mind was awake
There's another world to be found
I told myself if i got stuck
I would happily be in
My own dreamland

She told herself mulitple
Times
She was getting out of that
Cursed house
Live a different life
Get a career
& Find love

Too bad everything fell to fast

My heart aches
For your forgiveness

He didn't see her
But it didn't matter

She was in plain sight
No one noticed

Her wish of being invisable
Is real

The cold wind hit my face
Like ice in rain

The sun could no longer
Keep me warm

I fought to run
Though no one really saw

If I were to Fall
I wouldn't dare hold on

I got lost
in the music

instead of their voices

What is poetry now ?
What you think
What you feel ..
Your thoughts

Or just words you can't say
So you type it down instead

It's cold
but the memories
of you holding me
still keeps me
warm

I was at the window
She was at the door

I smiled
She waved

What a beautiful day

We all have
Our depressing
Poems

That makes us
Feel awesome