I love you
Till my lip bleeds

Even if the sky is dark with clouds
And not a single drop has fell


A  friend
Gave me books to fix my brain
Only lasted a few days

Your words are thunder
I'm not hiding

I was my star favorite
Until I turned
Grey
and faint

the only reason people stay is
for my pretty eyes
they like how I make them laugh
all that matters is my body
even my smile is a real catcher
the way I walk
I'm Lost

no love
all about the physical side

what happened to our heartbeat
and feelings

no love
love is dust

I got a clogged up nose
Piano music playing all night long

I wonder how it feels to be a poet
A happy poet
One who isn't so broken

I don't consider myself a writer
I'm just a broken screen
With scattering cracks
That don't look nice

I wonder how a poet breathes
words into a journal page

I wonder how a poet lives

I'll never be one
Because of bitter mistakes

Breathing out my mouth
Can't make a sound
I don't want to be found
stays in a shell

I'm just an emotional
Ghost that people can see

Who finds it hard to believe
That happiness is among
Us and is an actual feeling

I use to like the veins on your neck
when you would sing
to the beat

the way your hair grew
I went with it too

I know you want to get bigger
but I hope you don't forget we were lovers

the music you make is the great
the inspiration you get
is laying next to you in bed

so hopefully when you sit next to me
we still feel like normals
and don't let the fame into your clouded head
the cigarette smoke flowing onto our faces

I share you with the sounds
hopefully, you'll still be mine
even when not around

There's a little window
In my bathroom
That lets me see a piece of
The sky
Cloudy or the starry night
It permits air to flow in
Giving me the fresh scent
Of the trees

While taking a bath
I stare at the sky
The blue is fading
Clouds taking it away

Reminds me there's bigger things than my head

I have so many silk gowns now
for when I don't go out

I like life in
Four walls

I feel so small
too myself

people go through a pain
people then hold their hands
caring is often important in
friendship
but not in mine

no one holds my hand

I'm not sad

I just know
how to get my way around
being alone

wonder
thoughts
remembrance

maybe if I hid
my journal that one morning
I would still be living in the city

maybe if I hadn't
entered your rose garden
I wouldn't be as broken

the bitter regret
when the sunrise
comes in

the butterfly effect
could have made a change

it's always
what if

It's been raining
Like if god answered
My prayers late

But it's okay


And will i be ?


Will i be ?

And i see the bees

On the pretty flowers

Unbothered

both
are merging like two galaxies

both
wear black like if
that's the only color
alive

both
post pictures of each other
smiling

i bet you didn't like my pink
heart

or that i loved playing in the
dark

that i wore bright colors
everyday

he acts dead

how could he ever love me

the sun
that shines so bright
he was bound to get blinded

it's pouring outside
but it won't last

unless it's that one time
in april

where it rained everyday
at 8 AM

raining sideways

windows open

the thunder
we hear

and i feel alive

sometimes we lose things
things that keep us in touch
and together

just like how i lost the ability
to write on paper

all because of fear

I won't sleep
Until i feel my eyes burn
Off this white screen

I can't sleep
Yawning

I need to feel half awake

I find it so satisfying

I can form a poem

In my head

Then i come on here

And the ideas erase

The feeling goes away

she's fifteen
maybe sixteen

thinks she's on top of the world
and boys

she says we got time

that was last month

staring at the clock tick

it's making me go crazy

she don't know nothing

i know we got a whole life

but that's not enough

what if we die young
and never even feel love

sometimes everything isn't enough
satisfied with somewhat
i try to believe

my coffin waiting six feet under
the sand is running down

it's all about the time and day

if something's going to change

you were the oxygen
i needed
the four walls i felt comfortable in

now you are very far away
strangers sleep in you instead

I hope you find someone who loves you more than me

the strangers who live in my house
want to stay there forever

the ghost that lived there
even said goodbye

the grass is growing
and the pond gets dry

when will i go there
to live back inside

there's even glass
from the explosion

i can't drive away
so i stay

I got a palace in me
A palace of memories
In the center of my heart
Telling me I'm their queen
They're bowing down
Telling me i should go back
I don't know how
And they talk about sacrifice

I'm getting confused
All my administrators
Tell me I'm fine

I should hurry up
Before it's too late
The memories can sometimes
Fade away
Moving on

I wanted to carry on

It's hard to accept
Someone doesn't love you
Process declined

Hard to realize that
My lungs
Keep me breathing

Oh and i still got my wrists veins

I have to digest
Sad thoughts
Into my brain

I know i exist
Now

╬═♥╬
╬♥═╬
╬═♥╬
╬♥═╬
╬═♥╬
╬♥═╬

I was climbing into
My heart

But it was freezing
Filled with dust

sometimes you can catch
me in front of my computer
daydreaming

things i'll never do
but i do in my brain

usually my feet dance
to the music in my ears

my hands are always shaking
can barely type sometimes

i don't feel bad
for just picking off skin
with my teeth
just now

it's so hot

the summer is still filled
with life

It's a new day
Doesn't change who i am

Or all the songs I've been listening
To

Everyone has woken up
And they still look the same

We prepare for a change
Instead of taking action

Hoping tomorrow never happens

Well I'm not sorry
That everyone's asleep
And have a life for tomorrow
Planned out

Is it strange
I like to cry out
Fake tears

Hm
Strange indeed
I'm gonna keep crying

But don't mind me
It's not real

if i whisper
i'm gonna be okay

the devil
burns it away

he's living
in the corner of head

i probably
invited him in

i most likely have no soul

wonder what will
happen in the future

if i'm gone
will he move on to someone else

i waassssss
typinggg
beforeee
youuu hit mee

i stareee intoo
spacee moree oftenn

alll thesee redd linees

caan't findd thhe righht tiime tto cryy

ii knoow imm richh
whats iit maatter
in thhis tiime

ii havee tto grrow uup

nnot ggoing tto happpen
withh a bllindfold

nott goinng ttoo happeen

my eyes are burning
when the lights reach them

i went shopping
got lots of stuff

he has his
city family

never picks up
the phone
for his own blood
children

yeah i know he
doesn't care
and i wish i could
spit out fire words
to the phone

i crawl into
a shell once
i hear his voice

i'm probably traumatized
it doesn't matter to
anyone though

because i should
learn to get up
on depressing days
and practice fake happy

no one takes anything
personal

if i was on the verge of death
we would forget about it
in a few weeks

go on with life
not even bothering
with what's going on
in our heads

pick up the phone
and hear the haunting voices
that talk problems

while having a nightmare
around 7 o clock

cracked telephone

doesn't even call me
anymore

i wasn't really looking for
concern

i can't sleep before
3 AM

never at ten
at least i feel alive

i use to love driving
through the city lights
with the windows down
favorite song playing

i can't sleep
but i can't even stay up
till sunrise

I keep skipping back

Living in my shower
Water running
Where no one bothers me

I wish i lived by the beach again
I had known i was gonna miss the waves

What to do with your life
When you have it on repeat

Love is going to drown me
I got lots of curiosity

Just to hold it in my
Hand

I should have left
I'm still here

I feel great
Yeah i should

But instead
I tear off bits of skin
From my lips

Their so dry

And my fingertips

I cried
In the shower too

I guess i didn't
Want to lose control

Like bang my head
Against the wall

It's because
I crave affection

I got many addictions

I put them on hold
Hoping i was going to grow

I'm down the drain

I'm just an echo

A shadow

I should actually get going
Cause i was use to being
In water

Catching all those
Lost breaths

And i wonder what's missed

All the regrets
Are gonna pinch my skin
And brain

I have to chase them all

I'll probably have to throw up
Soon

Chlorine water out
My throat

I'm choking

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

We stare eachother
Eating out our appearances
It stays this way for a while

Till finally
You give me to drink
I felt something down my throat
Trying to fly away
Now in my stomach

We touch eachother
Doesn't get better

Side effects
Came through

I'm choking
With all the butterflies
Stuck in body

You stare at me
Nothing helping

Wow
I felt good
A moment ago

Why didn't you help me
Why didn't you choke

Is okay
i'll remember
what's this new posion

i like remembering the good days

knowing they're so close
and far away
all in my brain

if i sleep early tonight
maybe i'll have the one chance
to go back

cloudy storm
safe in the big buildings
we were in the city

once in town
the double rainbow
was found

or the time
thunder crackled outside
inside my ear

yeah i'll sleep
early

i'll find myself
happy

in the old
memories

she so scared
she doesn't watch horror movies

Won't stay in a room alone

  Can't defend herself

I'm the complete opposite

I can't comprehend

Must be a world
Of silent pain

I want to do something with you
She said
I should be spending time with you
Instead of them

Oh I'm getting caught up
With all these thoughts she cried

I have already drowned
With a horrid mind

And no one saved me

So to save someone else
Is quite complicated

Oh i think
I'm torturing myself

The way my eyes burn
And i still type

These words aren't
Leaving my brain

And I'll be dead asleep
Before i do anything else

my heart lies
at the bottom of a pond

my brain is
locked in a box

feel lost
sometimes forget
where i was born

and where is home

heavy heartbeats
forgot how to sleep
  
could i forget how to *breathe

There's still
The sound in ear

And no one
Is concerned to let me be healed

And I'm thinking of
all the things i regret

I'll probably go insane
So i go to sleep instead

When i wake up
Everyone watches my every move
Cause I'm the superstar

I make all them laugh

My family is full of hypocrites
I might be the biggest
One yet

And when they want me
Quiet i am
But then they say I'm to silent
And i could be more
Happy
I just don't get it

They ask me if I'm
Okay
And when i spill
All my problems
They just push them away
And that they'll help me
But really they just hurt me
Even more

I'm trying to sleep
Okay

But the sound in my ear
Is getting louder
  Getting louder

I have no voice

So i write every thought

I failed all the things
My family wants

I kept taking shortcuts

The story keeps getting worse

I remember
The sad days

Now I'm
Living dead

i dislike
how good of an actress
i am

no one can
tell the
fake happiness

and fake crying
laugh

it's all prepared

i kinda remember
when i fell in love
with your face

it's always been your
body
not your heartbeat

and your pretty
eyes , lips

always been
your appearance
not personality

i am
very
sorry

i never make you laugh
and when i got
the chance to hear you
chuckle

i did
so many times

i never get much of
any opportunity

it's not so easy

to hear the sound
of you laughing

when was the last
time you cried
laughing

i've came to conclusion

to stop looking for ways
to hear it

it's better to do it naturally

I can't say  why

you do not  care

i won't  say

you don't  care

i feel like your   pathetic

you think the  best

i hate surprises

you like to try and control me

i never make it happen

you aren't so powerful

i make sure

mother said no
no

there's questions
unanswered

quiet she stayed

i'm still waiting for
what she'll say

i'm waiting
she's quiet

i like a girl
she isn't answering

i have a block
in my brain

it's hard to push away
when i try to
write away

your probably hiding
behind my ear

whispering to go back

you like
to push my head
into the water

and i'm starting
to wonder

were you the
one threw me underwater?

keep me away
always saying i'm
a tough case