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Nov 2017 · 127
needle
eileen Nov 2017
did you notice the
glimmer in my eyes

you story-teller
and fake
says she knows
how to read my face

you must've seen
the way I wanted to
rip your skin apart

or did you take
it as
I love you with all my heart

you shallow
dull
simple-minded
girl

all you do is try to
guess someone's else
thoughts

have you sorted out
yourself
Nov 2017 · 313
the monster
eileen Nov 2017
creeping behind your brain

do you see me at night
behind the memories and dreams

you only ever see me
in a full moon

I only ever cry
when it's raining
scream when it's thundering

climb a tree
when there's lightning
outside

I've just been
tiptoeing
around you
my whole life
to not disturb you

all my life
making sure
you don't know I'm alive
secretly creeping behind
Nov 2017 · 173
heartless
eileen Nov 2017
I know how these ungrateful beings work
the way they use kind people
as puppets
they have not felt guilt

I know how they sleep
the way they smile and laugh like
they haven't hurt
and destroyed hearts

I know
they don't have their own
Nov 2017 · 150
under my bed
eileen Nov 2017
I felt like sleeping on the floor
forget about all the dirt that lays under

tomorrow is the future
today is our reality

I worry about next year
halfway through November

it's cold
a nightmare
appears in my dreams
why didn't I know

am I thankful
for what life has given me

no no
not really

I'm a bit sorry

no no
not really

everyone is so dull
so I lose my mind
somewhere down the line
Nov 2017 · 101
parachute
eileen Nov 2017
give her your smile
it'll take me a while
to see you with someone else

couldn't be more thankful
give me just a moment
to see you go home with someone else

you were my parachute
when I would fall from
outer space

I'm still standing
hope I fall into the ocean
Nov 2017 · 895
Citylights
eileen Nov 2017
My memories are pounding
On the walls of my brain
Telling me they want to live once again
I'm sad to inform them
They're stuck in the past
will die
With my last breath of life

I could never pick a moment
To live in forever

It depends on the weather
Nov 2017 · 157
react
eileen Nov 2017
It's so easy
to ignore you
whenever you're not around

pretending
I'm not awake

couldn't you see me
smiling into the pillow

I can't hear you well
anymore

eating people's emotions
settling deep in my stomach

I don't have any for myself

a hopeless mindset

I guess our hearts don't work the same
Nov 2017 · 239
next year
eileen Nov 2017
I love the big teddy bear you bought me
even though I'm too old for it

blooming in this cold winter
your still the prettiest flower

I think your the only human I love
I tried smiling in videos
so you would smile

I know you'll always grow
each season coming up

your the garden of Eden
in the form of human
Nov 2017 · 254
white roses in the snow
eileen Nov 2017
I'm all dressed up
hair messed up
lipstick fading

strangers in my home
I never remember meeting

I never agreed to this absurd birthday party

all I wanted was to be left alone
in bed
tonight go stargazing

I feel like they're all using me
Nov 2017 · 161
18 / II
eileen Nov 2017
he replied
your birthday is this week
how do you feel

honestly
it'll be another day
it's another year
one number added to another
one more second to waste
the sun will come up
the moon will shine
I don't see why
pretend that
everything seems fine

It really doesn't matter right
Nov 2017 · 243
gloom
eileen Nov 2017
They ask me if
I see the glass half empty
or half full

I see nothing at all
Nov 2017 · 106
l i v e
eileen Nov 2017
All of us want to
live in space

somewhere
no where

or in the spirit world


no one likes the overpopulated earth
grey smoke skies

we should all just go to mars
ruin it

once we're done
travel to another galaxy
use up another planet
for greedy minds

the irony
of humans
being so wonderful

all we do is destroy
what keeps us alive
we pay no attention
or see the ruined lives
Nov 2017 · 93
paranoia
eileen Nov 2017
I see pieces of you everywhere I step
the water I drink turns into blood
the monster inside me loves

she told me
I was mentally insane

all I ever wanted
was to **** her in vain

I'm standing somewhere inside
I don't mean what I write

I'm never clear in what I want
nor am I ever satisfied
with life
Nov 2017 · 146
witched
eileen Nov 2017
If you could love me
would you stay

save me from the world
she can
save me from myself
she can't

It's you and I
walking through the
night

I started a fire
I can't remember

awake during the day
could the other me
be walking around
while I sleep

now I'm just possessed
never fearful of the dark

petrified of the beings hiding
from my view

tall shadows
falling short

not sure what's following me throughout
Nov 2017 · 725
Constellations
eileen Nov 2017
I don't need any friends
I got them all in my head

I don't need a lover
She's six feet under

Tomorrow night
I'll visit a meteor shower

We have celestial dust
In our bones and flesh

Made from Earth and outer space

I don't need any friends
If the stars
Are willing to listen
Nov 2017 · 240
Issues
eileen Nov 2017
I just want to rip my skin off
would you love me then

all these rules
I break

you say
I love you more

I know your Satan
the way you stare at me
looking vacant
he smells like satan
Nov 2017 · 255
bff
eileen Nov 2017
bff
she's your best friend
holding your left hand

if she loves
hope she loves you

she's your best friend
I can't help but
feel jealous

can I hold your
right hand
write on it
Nov 2017 · 138
loving is easy
eileen Nov 2017
loving seems easy
when everybody looks perfect

black lines on my hand
I was ****** up

if you decide to leave
loving will be complicated

it's difficult to see
what you want from me
Nov 2017 · 236
def
eileen Nov 2017
def
I'll die if I change

You give me the keys to my cage
Telling me fly free
Cut off my own wings

Loved you through
A stained window
Where I could barely see you
The parts I saw
Made me fall in love

Put your favorite band on

Do I have to change
To prove myself sane

I hit the window
Few times a day
Left it tainted
Nov 2017 · 151
avatar
eileen Nov 2017
the sacrifice
only to receive lies

hope you don't mind
the light that radiates

the conclusion
to a new beginning

my fingers stopped moving
for a lasting time

when I gazed at your eyes
I recognized me drowning inside

without you
I use to believe
I was nothing

the blank spaces
the space between your words
and the notes

I'm holding a torch
burning with my fears

I loved you here
I loved you there

I loved you
in sunlight
in the moonlight

underwater
in my veins
up in the clouds
in my head

they're out to catch
they won't find me
Nov 2017 · 137
ideservethis
eileen Nov 2017
It's already midnight
oh no just six in the afternoon

I have spider webs on my wrists
you seem to be stuck to

tracing the drawings on my arms
that won't erase

I'm halfway down
the bottom of the ocean
where no one will
come looking

there's no sun
no stars
I'm not going to care

if the surface is a reality
and I'm not breathing

I'll meet infinite darkness
finally
Nov 2017 · 181
drafting XIII
eileen Nov 2017
I'm embracing the light in the dark
because that's all I have right now
Nov 2017 · 327
eileen Nov 2017
Use to love your smile
The songs you sang

Calling it what it was
Calling it lost love
We never found it again

Everywhere I go
I seem numb
To the head

I can't feel the cold air
And I wonder if the stars are real

The cut on my finger didn't hurt
I saw no blood

I don't want the stress
I can't see no end

Dripping tears
Filled with fear
Nov 2017 · 232
Abc
eileen Nov 2017
Abc
See you're making new friends
Slowly forgetting about me

The distance
The tension
Less conversations

I just want the day to come
When we act like strangers

We won't remember
The days we were together

Your standing in the shadows
I just want to be in the sunlight

We can't hold hands
Oceans apart

I can feel
You slipping away
From my heart
Nov 2017 · 284
Week-ends
eileen Nov 2017
Tonight I might not wash my face
Or brush my teeth

Tomorrow I might stay in bed
Not eat breakfast
And just eat dinner instead

I'll turn off my phone
And close all the doors
Keep the windows shut

Sleep half the day
And spend the night awake

I'll feel useless
*****
Depressed

Finally
The next day

I'll open the curtains
Turn on my phone

Let the fresh air
Mixed with rain
Rush in

I'll clean up
Shower
And eat

I'm still depressed
Yet I'm a bit over it
Nov 2017 · 239
drafting XII
eileen Nov 2017
I'm running out of ideas
I'm losing my mind
running out lines
losing time
Nov 2017 · 140
Midnight blue
eileen Nov 2017
Soon
I'll be like you
Everyone likes you

One day
Everyone will
Know me too
Nov 2017 · 116
drafting XII
eileen Nov 2017
you got the sky on your shoulders
do you want me to hold the
moon in one hand and
the stars in the other
Nov 2017 · 159
aa
eileen Nov 2017
aa
I'm looking around
trying to find the sound
reading the skies

intellectual space
has touched my face
and I can hear the bells ring

it's either 12 or 8 PM

looking around
trying to see the song
in the bells dins

I use to love the vibrations
the notes and tones
now it's all down the drain

will you still play
your lost voice
inside my head

I got a trauma demon
on my back
crying whenever
I try to see it
I can still feel it
Nov 2017 · 186
drafting XI
eileen Nov 2017
all these empty faces
going to lost places
falling stars
****** scars
holding his trembling hands
painting our nails for fun

his smiles are cryptically
insane
Nov 2017 · 102
insights
eileen Nov 2017
If I could go back to
last year
maybe I would

If I could hear the same song
for the first time
I wish I could

gave my heart away
put my soul
somewhere in the closet

afraid I won't
be able to find it

their voices don't feel the same
it's like you don't
know what to do anymore

you want to own my bed
stay there forever
holding us down
falling off this tight line
I thought I would be forever right

will I get the last laugh
you got my black book
in your hands
reading it at night

I use to be ahead
now everyone is slipping away
further into the tunnel
I can't come out of
Nov 2017 · 159
drafting X
eileen Nov 2017
our love could be seen
as a cemetery
but you could still
see flowers
growing
Nov 2017 · 110
Now, now
eileen Nov 2017
Held my favorite song
Wrapped it around myself
Like a soft blanket

Now I'm hearing it
As if it's my pillow
Laying down

I know there's bugs outside
Wanting to be inside
I'm scared I'll be sleeping

I don't think
I love you anymore

It's disappearing
Evaporating
Into the clouds

You want to
walk into the sunshine
Wearing all black
You'll sob

I caught myself
Skipping your song
Nov 2017 · 90
teen suicide
eileen Nov 2017
fifteen years living
she wants to die at twenty

little girl
young and beautiful
what's wrong

if I saved myself
can you too?
have you tried to

you haven't seen
the seven continents
or Hailey's Comet

maybe you'll live to
2100
but you want to die
how blue
Nov 2017 · 155
drafting IX
eileen Nov 2017
love
real love
doesn't exist
that's what he told me
when I asked if
we had something
Nov 2017 · 121
dwelling
eileen Nov 2017
will you buy me a million dollar house
even though I already bought one myself

throw money high into the sky
you burned some to keep me warm
I'm not selfish
I hope

you only love me
when I give you gold coins
spoiled

inside a pretty mansion
you'll find
glasses
prescriptions
too many pills
on the floor
blood on the rug

chandeliers
and candles
I sleep on the couch

even if I have several bedrooms
don't read me any differently
Nov 2017 · 99
blue star
eileen Nov 2017
I'm praying your soul is resting
but you can't hear me

All of us
caught blind in a lie

were flying underwater
I learned from my mother

falling into a deep slumber

thunder screams
I'm scared of the bird
that flies around my room
living behind three walls
I know they can see it all

somebody
someone
at night
there's a fire in
the sky
Nov 2017 · 167
Slowly slipping away
eileen Nov 2017
You can't see my pain
We can't feel the same

I throw away all the bad parts
Of me
So no one can go searching

Deep in a lake
Up in a dump
You can find
The darker pieces
Of my mind

Something
Only I can find
Nov 2017 · 169
drafting VIII
eileen Nov 2017
you're gone to buy more milk
whistling some sweet song
I hug you tightly
lung holding
every morning
I yearn to spill out
my secrets
your such a rose head
cutting me down
it's bothering
never knows
Nov 2017 · 222
Tintinnabulation
eileen Nov 2017
you're the one who threw our love away
I'm in a dream set
where we're still friends
not in real life
where we lost connection

I'm in my daydreams
thinking your by my side

I get nightmares
of you leaving me again and again
I wake up to find them
come true

I see
the flowers
you threw away
are from me

should I have opened my heart
kept you inside longer
open my mind
so you could nap

I almost cried
Nov 2017 · 903
vexed
eileen Nov 2017
Can you hear the violence
The bullets
the sirens

We can't comprehend how people die
Until it's right before our eyes

Here's a gift
A gun
For fun

People are exhausted
No more excuses
were losing

let's turn around
talk to the walls
they'll hear us out

I'm gonna go and pray because surely
god is going to hear me out
take away the evil
from their souls
I'm not so sure

not going to cry
not going to scream

can you hear it
wanna see it

lives are taken away
haven't you heard
the only monsters on earth
are the men pulling the trigger
to people's heads

next week it'll be forgotten
until next time it happens
so pathetic
Nov 2017 · 111
senseless
eileen Nov 2017
I will be okay
since you're okay
we're connected
by the vines inside our lungs
I feel numb wherever I am
I feel gone

will you help me find the next word
it's going downwards
will you help me turn the page
sideways

I'm alright
because you are
we never ask me
how I'm doing
but it doesn't matter
I don't know either
Nov 2017 · 237
drafting VII
eileen Nov 2017
soft words
smooth touch
cosmic sounds
have you heard Saturn's rings
it's so calming
I think I jumped in a wormhole today
it's just a loop bringing me here again
I met Time once
they weren't too forgiving
Nov 2017 · 144
drafting VI
eileen Nov 2017
I see shadows pass the doors
blocking out the light
and I'm so sure
it's your ghost

getting me outside
throw me down the stairs
watch me scream

couldn't close my eyes
it's darkening out as the moon comes rising
Nov 2017 · 121
Abyss
eileen Nov 2017
can't you see
we don't bleed the same
I'm trying to silence the voices
I hope you have a great time out
that's what it's all about

we don't sleep at the same hour
you want me to talk into the air
told me I was dark matter
yeah a black hole
is somewhere in my room
swallowing me up whole

I keep swimming
the fence I'm building
coming along
nose above the surface
barely breathing

I was feeling glorious
till the morning
losing my understanding
my thoughts all together

I can feel all my past lives
cheering
I'm hearing them say
come back
to the places
where you knew
how to make it

the spirits and ghosts
the gods
the plants and animals

are all staring at me
I can smell them questioning

are you going to make it
are you gonna fake **it
Nov 2017 · 167
drafting V
eileen Nov 2017
puddles of tears
oh dear
silent regrets
we fall asleep instead
the dream we wake up from
lingers in our head
we'll forget
tall as the ceiling
small like an earring
you still can't see me
Nov 2017 · 146
Incipient
eileen Nov 2017
now that poetry is carved into my skin
I got nothing to lose in this rain
writing on a white screen
soon I'll be able to pick up a pen
and write on a white piece of paper

I threw away years worth
poems and writing

now I see it's stuck inside me
there is no way out
it's a part of me now

maybe not in a journal
at least it's somewhere
Nov 2017 · 153
Pulse
eileen Nov 2017
you called me down
I've just gone higher
swimming in a dark beach
there's no moon shining

lost my shadow somewhere in the water
I'm always bothered
sleep for hours
awake to see the comets bleed

I hold no grudges
I promise
doesn't mean I hold no hatred
all this energy inside me

I'm curious
were you afraid of me
were you afraid of dying
were you afraid of me trying
Nov 2017 · 121
skeleton
eileen Nov 2017
you got the kiss of death
I was dying before you left

now I'm just a ghost
following my living body
I can still hear people talking

the spirit to ****
fell down a hill
pushed me from the top
I would have never thought

now everything is dark
the sky is white like heavy snow
the stars look like bubbles

now I'm just wandering around
following an empty body
that used to be me
Nov 2017 · 402
drafting IV
eileen Nov 2017
I have flowers on my desk
and kitchen
in every other room
you could put them in

what happens when they die
will you buy more
smells so pleasing
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