eileen: Poems

I want to drive the night away
chase the horizon

everywhere I go the ocean follows me
I step into the waves

I wish I could sleep tonight
sleep forever

I dreamed of an angel

I dreamed I killed you
I hope it doesn't come true

we can't see what's ahead
with the sun

cause everywhere I go
the see the water
step into a wave

I'm lost in the ocean

I want to drive the night away
with you

stepping into the moon's reflection
I wish I had a reason to stay

Jun 2018 · 102

I hate this

eileen Jun 2018

I hate this

When I am angry
I try and take a deep breath

///

It never works
I'm still so angry

Jun 2018 · 269

1st / June

eileen Jun 2018

1st / June

Returning the rain
the flowers can stay with me
I'll love the sun soon

Haiku

Jun 2018 · 122

Untitled // 25

eileen Jun 2018

Untitled // 25

I can't paint you a masterpiece
I can't write clearly

Jun 2018 · 172

i wish you would shut up

eileen Jun 2018

i wish you would shut up

you say you want to take me to places

I know we'll go nowhere

Jun 2018 · 107

Untitled

eileen Jun 2018

Untitled

today I've watered my plants
please grow soon

I made my grandma lunch
hope she loves me

it's so warm
the sun is melting away the life out of me

she doesn't love anyone :))))))))))))))))))))))))

Jun 2018 · 105

peachy

eileen Jun 2018

peachy

Uh oh
She's gone

Into the ocean floor
Into the forest
Out in space
Floating away

Uh oh
She won't come back

Trying to tell her the truth
But her head turns away
Whatever she hears will come out through the other ear

I don't want to talk to a wall

Uh oh
She's gone

Uh oh
I can't help her no more

I love her
But she's far away

Hope one day you'll realize

Jun 2018 · 98

Love lies

eileen Jun 2018

Love lies

I miss holding the devils hand at night
The way he whispered how I was nothing
He promised me complete darkness
My eyes fully black
I bet he liked that

I miss dancing with the devil
The way he held me close
He then took away the stars
And the moon

He told me
All I needed was pitch black
I entered the void
Silence alone with him
I wasn't in the right state of mind

But I do miss his fake love
I miss his warm lies

Cutting off the strings attached
I'm no longer crying over him

I wonder if he misses me too

May 2018 · 104

city / memories

eileen May 2018

city / memories

ᴵ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ⁿᵒᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵒᵗᵗᵉⁿ ᵐʸ ʰᵉᵃᵛᵉⁿˡʸ ᵇᵉᵈ
ᴹʸ ᵇˡᵃᶜᵏ ˢʰᵉᵉᵗˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ʳᵉᵈ ᵈᵘᵛᵉᵗ
ᵀᵒᵈᵃʸ ᴵ ʳᵉᵐᵉᵐᵇᵉʳ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵃʳᵏ ⁿᶦᵍʰᵗˢ
ᵀʰᵃᵗ ⁿᶦᵍʰᵗ ᴵ ʷᵒᵏᵉ ᵘᵖ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵘⁿᵈᵉʳ ᴵ ʷᵒⁿᵈᵉʳ ᶦᶠ ᵗʰᵉʸ ʳᵉᵐᵉᵐᵇᵉʳ
ᵀʰᵉ ˢᵒᶠᵗ ʳᵃᶦⁿ ᶜᵒᵛᵉʳᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ᶜᶦᵗʸ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗʳᵉᵉˢ
ᴮᵘˢ ʳᶦᵈᵉˢ ᵃᵗ ⁷ ᴬᴹ ᵒʳ ʷᵃˢ ᶦᵗ ⁸
ᶜᵃʳˢ ˢᵒ ᵐᵃⁿʸ ᶜᵃʳˢ
ᴾᵉᵒᵖˡᵉ ᴵ ˡᵒᵛᵉᵈ
ᵀʰᵃᵗ ʰᵒᵘˢᵉ ʷᵃˢ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵐᶦⁿᵉ
ᴵ ʷᵃˢ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ʸᵒᵘʳˢ
ʸᵒᵘʳ ʷʰᶦᵗᵉ ʳᵒˢᵉˢ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗʳᵃˢʰ
ᴵ ʰᵉˡᵈ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᶦⁿ ᵐʸ ᶜˡᵉᵃⁿ ʰᵃⁿᵈˢ
ᴵ ˡᵉᶠᵗ ᵗᵒ ˢᵒᵒⁿ
ᴰᵉᵃᵈ ˡᵉᵃᵛᵉˢ ᶦⁿ ᵐʸ ᶜˡᵒˢᵉᵗ
ᴱᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ˢᵗᵘᶠᶠᵉᵈ ᶦⁿ ᵐʸ ᵇʳᵒᵗʰᵉʳ’ˢ ᶜᵃʳ
ᴵ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵒᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᵖᶦˡˡᵒʷˢ
ᴵ ˡᵉᶠᵗ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵗᵃᶦⁿᵗᵉᵈ ʲᵉʷᵉˡʳʸ ᵇᵉʰᶦⁿᵈ ˢᵒ ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᶠᶦⁿᵈ
ᴵ ˡᵉᶠᵗ ᵐʸ ˢᵒᵘˡ & ᵐᶦⁿᵈ
ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵃʳʳʸ ᵐʸ ᵇʳᵃᶦⁿ ᶦⁿ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵇᵃᵍ
ᴵ ˢᵗᶦˡˡ ʳᵉᵐᵉᵐᵇᵉʳ ᵐʸ ᵇᵉᵈʳᵒᵒᵐ
ʸᵒᵘ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ˡᵒᵛᵉᵈ ᵐᵉ
ᴵ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ˡᵒᵛᵉᵈ ʸᵒᵘ

May 2018 · 109

rotation

eileen May 2018

rotation

the moon is hidden behind the trees

I had forgotten the sun is moving
the moon following behind
I see it's new place in the sky

I miss you Orion
where are you now

I hope on the other side
when the night falls
someone appreciates Orion's belt

May 2018 · 195

31st

eileen May 2018

31st

now that spring is gone
where is winter

I don't like this summer
please don't take away the flowers

I'll pick up a pen
write on these empty pages

I'll behave
I'll love my mother

I want the rain
these sunny days
are burning away my brain

memories
are disappearing

I don't remember my friends

the walls are closing in
I don't want to lose myself

in this sun

this sun
blinding away
my hope

May 2018 · 98

echoed

eileen May 2018

echoed

I feel a blue summer
can't find my brain
lost it on a walk
to the moon
never back

I love earth
please take care of her

while I'm gone
I might not come back

in these parallel universes
I see the mirrored versions of myself

trying to find the happy me
it seems she doesn't exist

May 2018 · 121

I feel like the rain

eileen May 2018

I feel like the rain

can't you see

I can't breathe

My eyes are falling

they keep looking for yours

rain is falling from your fingertips
your cheeks

I've always felt like a raindrop
out of thousands in the sky
destined to fall

come back to the sky

come back to me
let's sleep in a cloud
until it's time to fall again

May 2018 · 197

A beautiful storm

eileen May 2018

A beautiful storm

I see you from the storm
you're in the clear

I no longer love you like I use to

You've never listened to a word I've said

what makes me happy
makes me smile and laugh

You breathe with anger and envy

You'll never be happy like me

May 2018 · 95

not mine never was

eileen May 2018

not mine never was

She has a beautiful glow
To bad with a small blow
She'll fly away

I've met an angel
she said my name

I love her now

always away

never the one to stay

should've known an angel
would never be mine

May 2018 · 221

Craters

eileen May 2018

Craters

Its ten
should I sleep
I can hear you
I can't see you

I know you're around
never close enough

I want to be everyone's favorite
I want all the attention
My heart begs to be loved

I'll always be little
I'll never be enough
to fill your expectations up

Good evening
I wish I had some meaning

I try to change the night before
waking up to restart

the moon keeps changing
she never waits for me

May 2018 · 107

epilogue / haiku

eileen May 2018

epilogue / haiku

the flower man is gone
he didn't bring me anything
dead leaves dead petals

May 2018 · 101

surfaced

eileen May 2018

surfaced

Your love so empty
I love the way it kills me silently
All I've ever wanted was your love/ warm around me

do you know I'm alive
do you know I'm breathing

do you ever think of me
when you're trying to sleep

have I ever appeared in one of your dreams

You're the echo in my mind
you're the cloud above my head

May 2018 · 144

Below

eileen May 2018

Below

somewhere
not here
it's raining

There's a storm
with lightning

not here
here it's one hundred and ten degrees (Fahrenheit)

My eyes are dripping with sweat

I hope that in somewhere
someone is beneath the rain

I wish I was somewhere
with someone

May 2018 · 124

☔☔☔

eileen May 2018

☔☔☔

the moon doesn't shine for me
she doesn't love me

the sun scares my fears away
oh but my insecurities are here to stay

All they tell me is
I deserve everything

I have nothing
I have no one

He's never given me a piece of love
He's never given away his heart

I'm afraid he sold his soul to the devil.

May 2018 · 125

Seafloor

eileen May 2018

Seafloor

All I've ever wanted
was a home to love

May 2018 · 219

reminiscing

eileen May 2018

reminiscing

All the movies I've watched alone

Your company is gone

These days I feel no warmth
No happiness by someone new

Where are my friends
Are they talking to someone they like better than me
Are they shopping and wasting their parent's money

I miss you
I loved you

All these songs I listen alone
Without anyone to tell

Drive alone
Sleep cold
Eat alone
Showers cold

All of these moments wasted
Without someone
To love

May 2018 · 88

Night shifts

eileen May 2018

Night shifts

You're my favorite
I know you don't accept it

I hope you do
When you lay alone

Think of me beside you
gone
I'm not there anymore

I'm who gives you love
Leaves you after a while.
I'm the one
Who sees the little things

I take care of you
You're my favorite

I know you'll never give yourself

I'm no fool

Never see me coming
Giving you joy
I'm your sun
I'm the one who brings the wildflowers to bloom

I'll be there when you need me the most
You're my favorite

May 2018 · 104

overture

eileen May 2018

overture

I confuse myself with you

a child
in the darkness

prideful
the sun so sunny

I find it hard to breath
I see the flowers come to life

why do you take away my life

May 2018 · 132

prologue

eileen May 2018

prologue

I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I'm scared
because

You love me too

May 2018 · 266

In the wind

eileen May 2018

In the wind

would ask you about myself
you wouldn't know how to answer

I would ask myself
I don't have the answers

my reflection has left the mirror

my shadow is missing

feels like I'm a ghost

it's getting too cold

how have you been
is this it
I should be able to ask you a simple question

I haven't really told nobody

I have a fake laugh
I don't know where to find the real one

no one knows
I live for the rain
the sun
and the clouds

I'm obsessed with the moon
I talk to the stars

I sleep with the lights on

I'm raining on myself
I'm so sad

I want to ask you
who do you think I am

yet I've never revealed myself
to anyone

I'll ask the moon
I'll ask the stars
I'll tell the sun

May 2018 · 114

holy water

eileen May 2018

holy water

I see myself in you
I'm pulling myself away
think I just saw my reflection

you follow my steps
crushing my expectations

hold my breath
up all night
feeling messed up

call me when you think to much

I see myself
in someone else

I'm pushing myself away
I don't want to fall in the water

you look like an angel
I've been dying for a miracle

could you change it

please make this end

looks so shallow
I'll drown

I see myself in you
please go away

this won't end

thinking maybe you were my angel

I'm drowning
asking for help

could you be my miracle

May 2018 · 112

blacked out

eileen May 2018

blacked out

you can't save her
death is her savior
she wants to die forever

you're gonna hurt me
you'll **** me
with your words

his stare so soft
I can't forget what he's done

May 2018 · 104

this is fake love

eileen May 2018

this is fake love

I know you love me
I wish you showed me

10w

May 2018 · 138

he said

eileen May 2018

he said

he likes the little things
I don't think he sees the sun
nor the flowers bloom
it's all about driving around

you want money
I'll give you everything

I'm desperate for you

you let no one in

feel like I'm talking to you through a window

he likes the lights
wondering will when you'll let me in
I'm a burning candle

sometimes I wonder

May 2018 · 124

trying so hard

eileen May 2018

trying so hard

There is love
in the sun

There is warmth
in your cold heart

Your love is ripping me open
I don't care

Oh my God
I'm saved

she looks right into my eyes

she's a devil in disguise
dressing like twilight

we only meet at nightfall

May 2018 · 116

Scripts

eileen May 2018

Scripts

I'm up late again
the future haunts my sleep

My family is a mess
they don't love me
I wish I never met them

If only I could drain my blood empty

I know they'll never accept me

I
the golden child
full of joy and life

I'm dying
living my life in hiding

May 2018 · 167

hoping to become

eileen May 2018

hoping to become

I want to cry
I want to breathe in your air

I want to live in your lungs

your eyes sparkle
I wonder when is the right time

killing myself to understand you

no signs
no life
little time

I want to go home
I wish to be left alone

May 2018 · 182

saved

eileen May 2018

saved

I know you won't love me for long
when the day comes
I'll be ready for when
you **** me

May 2018 · 130

to the flowers on my desk

eileen May 2018

to the flowers on my desk

I wished you kissed my cheek
I hoped you would love me
I want you to see me for who I am

To you

I am nothing

To me
it is everything

- - -

we are all lost
in the endless words
the floating thoughts
above our heads
I can't see the end

there used to be a day
I wished I was dead

I wonder where the feeling went

May 2018 · 127

scar

eileen May 2018

scar

why don't we go outside
I'm waiting for the rain

why don't we cry
I'm waiting for the day I die

just like us
all flowers
must die

the scar on your cheek
I wished upon it

just like a dandelion

May 2018 · 107

On a sunday

eileen May 2018

On a sunday

I gaze at the moon that's hiding behind the clouds

the storm is passing by
lightning blossoming into the sky

my beloved tree
why have you not grown

are you waiting on me
waiting for my heart

I know we're still the same

I hope we grow within this summer rain

May 2018 · 118

May's flowers are far away

eileen May 2018

May's flowers are far away

I miss you

Will I become the old me now

Now I'll go back to my old ways

I've left the ocean

To reach the mountains

Every time I leave
I begin to think if it's worth it

May 2018 · 148

Do i wanna know

eileen May 2018

Do i wanna know

I wonder
in this silent night
If you envy me
pity me

if you ever loved me

If this feeling flows both ways

May 2018 · 119

Will i remember

eileen May 2018

Will i remember

It hurts to let yourself go
To throw away a piece of you

A name is just a branch
I'm willing to cut off to let a new one grow

No worries
It remains somewhere inside the roots

I'll miss her
she will too

Moving on
is the hardest part

We will meet again
in a memory

Goodbye eize

May 2018 · 53

⚰ when i am dead

eileen May 2018

⚰ when i am dead

I dream of the day I stop writing poetry with pain

I guess I'll have to wait until
I'm in my grave

May 2018 · 97

ivy

eileen May 2018

ivy

if you ever want to hold my hand
keep my tears
open my soul

I'll let you go

if you ever need to feel love
I can you show you it
I can come around

May 2018 · 79

Half of the universe

eileen May 2018

Half of the universe

I've made a list of things I have to do

There's a thirty percent chance it'll rain tomorrow

I'll gaze out the window
wish I were a raindrop

I can feel a tear starting to fall

I'm waiting for the flowers
they gave you to die

to press them
Keep them alive within pages

I miss you

Will I see you soon
In a cloudy room

I can't get my thoughts straight
I drown them in the bathtub instead

I love you
there are days I don't

I would love to see you right now

I know you won't

I can see now

Rain is falling from you

May 2018 · 156

please be quiet

eileen May 2018

please be quiet

I can't hear the sounds
did you say my name
the darkest day
I don't know where I am

the ceiling the falling
what you like
I don't

I can't say the words
I want to tell you

now you feel unloved

you've left

I thought maybe I could find a way
into your heart
again

May 2018 · 118

Fairy tales

eileen May 2018

Fairy tales

I loved you
Once upon a time

May 2018 · 150

I am a coward

eileen May 2018

I am a coward

I can't tell you no
I can't ever say the truth

I speak lies
I smile and act like everything is fine

May 2018 · 101

black ice . haiku

eileen May 2018

black ice . haiku

red rose dripping blood
you've cut out my heart why now
I'm a ****** mess

I want you to stay
I'm hoping you leave today
don't you see my heart

dripping blood I've loved
I held you in my bleeding
hands it was never enough

my broken heart lost
the mess you've made I'll forget
****** roses fall