CLOSED

prince charming

will come and save me

because that's how the story goes

I was made to suffer
and for him to be the hero

I wait in my tower
full of despair
rotting away

prince charming
will find me soon
or so they tell me

but I know
prince charming is far from home
he's somewhere playing with someone's heart

I suffer and
wait for my savior

let me die in my bed
waiting for true love's kiss

prince charming
can't you come over
are you busy or did you give up

I'm tired
of this sick
twisted love story

know it's
unfair

god punished me
and made me a girl

with this heavy heart of misery
oh prince charming
please come and **** me

change the story
and end my life

save me
and become the villain

just this once

it's not enough
to burn myself for you

it's not enough
to lose my mind and body

it's the missed details
all of the unseen marks

I can't wake up today
so close my door if you decide to stay

I'll hate myself again
when I realize I can only write in pain

here it starts
this is where it begins

from the top to the bottom
of a page

it's not enough
to be addicted

it's not enough
to lose my reality

when all I want to do
is sink further into
a suffocating abyss

this one is different than the rest
it's a different type of darkness

even if it hurts and kills me
just as the others did

you've got someone to take care of you
and i do not

why am i giving you love
when you're better off

it's happening again
I'm so used to it
so I let it continue
while it ruins my whole life

gave you all my money
gave you my heart
why am i so wasted
the bottle keeps spinning

you've got someone
to sleep with
and i sleep alone
losing perspective
of it all
of us

where does this leave us

unable to say it
i try and wash it down the drain
i still do it for you at the end of the day

i separate
i let go

why must it be
something hard to process

i want to begin my life
alone
without you

i guess it's hard to
commit
hard to say out loud

the days where
i gave myself up
to stay happy
in our bubble

i want to get out
leaving you
isn't a crime

but it seems
I'm already a criminal in your eyes
nothing i can do to redeem myself
nothing to prove my innocence

you've got someone
you've got something
you've got somewhere

and i have nothing
no one
no where

letting the feelings sit
I can't rip them in half
like I did to your note

I'll let them stay
till they rot
in the back room

never will settle
you've got to tell me
to go
before I do it myself

so unbalanced
uneven picture frame
of us in my mind

I wish I could just erase
all the precious moments
I can't get back

unsatisfied
or glorfied
there's no peace
with you

if you could say sorry
would you?
bury me if I asked you to?

our winter
is looking blue
just like the last

this is the last time
we'll spend an october together

every day
feels like a countdown

for a sick separation
I know
this is going to hurt

I'm searching for a new home
and you've got your own

he doesn't have a ring
for you yet
hoping he finds one soon

I'll be so far away
by the time
you realize
this is all a big mistake

our last autumn
ending soon
we died faster
than the falling burnt leaves

this is going to hurt
what else can I do
try and move on

no distance
or time
can cure this heart split in two

we wear the feelings
then take them off

now you're gone
gone

fading
fading
letting go
so you'll be forgettable

game over
you destroyed me

now you're leaving

wearing off
the feeling is gone

not again
it's happening

I have to pretend
it's okay

six years and counting
my words forever inside a screen
and it means a lot when someone reads my past
a person I used to know
I've changed, I'm not the same
even so
my heart sparkles when I see her
I'll try and meet her someday, somewhere
just to say- you did well

there's no theme to my pain
there's no way to explain
there's no metaphor or hyperbolic
message to translate

i'm just throwing it up
for you to see
my blood and guts
all over the floor
careful don't slip and fall

i don't tie up my sadness
with pretty bows
and my anxiety isn't cute

it's not a fictional story
it's not a test for popularity
i don't hide the meaning

a memory i can't erase
if you're reading this
please take it from me

when i wrote those words
i wasn't lying
i really felt like dying

the water pressure changed
i guess im not the same

thinking of ways to stay sane
catching up with it
it runs away again

no one can feel it
i got a bad feeling
of what's to come

all i know is i must hold on
till i see the other end

stay intact
stay intact
stay intact

i should attack
attack all my demons
all these distorted voices

i hear the pressure change
and my blood is heating up

i can't turn back time
try and remember a good life

it's not here

i try
to stay intact
stay intact
but all i do is attack
attack

i can't find reasons to stay alive

when all this pressure
crushes me
i can't breathe

can't stay still
can't eat well

losing all my smiles

and my heart is weak

there's a new day ahead
try and change my mind
before i lose it

we walked around
in the spring

we picked flowers
and you put them in your pocket
you were so small beside me

I know we haven't talked in years
but I miss you so much my dear

I used to take so many pictures of the sky
now I don't even go outside

not sure what changed
but I'm to blame

I don't like to hear myself breathe
I don't know what to eat
can I die in my sleep
tired of living this reality
I don't want to breathe
how do I break free

everything hurts
nightmares start to feel so real

there's no one to call
I'm all alone

light flicking
all alone

it's so cold
in the dark

fading away
deep inside my mind

there's a space
I created
hell or heaven I can't tell the difference

what's it like to forgive and forget
you seem to do that often

it's all talk
never fulfilled promises
lousy and poorly at best

I start to hate every tuesday and wednesday
I hope thrusday and friday last a little longer too

I hide out in my room
I get the feeling
I don't belong in your life anymore

pushing me out
slowly
replaced and I start to feel lonely

time to grow up
think this is the end of the line

I already miss you
standing next to you

there's no way to prepare myself
to let you go

fascinated
with things I can't have
things that don't last

I hate it
I hate myself for all the pain I caused

I'm going crazy in my bedroom
still dreaming about you

deleted all the messages
but you're still haunting me

cursed with your absence
addicted to the faded memories

in the theater
on a map
when I look out a window
all I do
reminding me of you

better off dead
than to live forever
in your ghostly shadow

I'm sorry I didn't spend time with you
the days by the lake we had a few

if the hope inside us hadn't died
all we needed
was the happiness missing

take out your guitar
I've got a song or two

there's not enough time
the endless sunset can follow us home

it never does
scared away
home was full of darkness

I want to go some place with you
I'll read a book
and hear you play all afternoon

our time together
long gone

so strange
we never knew
how fast the moment would pass

laying in the grass
staring into the water

let's stay there
a while longer

is it so
crazy
to ask
someone
please
love me
even if
it's
a lie
my
lowest
place
I'm just
seeking
company
it feels
like I
live
with a
ghost
I see her
do everything
while I
sit back and
watch
waiting for
someone
this can't
be right
there
must
be
someone

love me
I beg
is it
too
much
to ask
don't
leave me
here
don't
let
me go
I'll turn
off my
morning
alarms
stay with me
is it a
possibility
I'll be loved
in this
lifetime
or am I
destined
to be
lonely
and miserable
every monday
starting the week
wishing for
silly romance

pathetic
it seems
I let pride
get the best of me
if I keeping
saying one day
maybe I'll
just forget
about today
trying
to forget
another
wasted
valentines day
I hope
you're not
reading this
go on
be happy
I bet you
have someone
to be so
lonely
like me
I wouldn't
wish it
on my
enemies
no more
crying
for me
I take
my tiny
heart
with
no hope
it will
survive
it's last
breath
on
the
lost love
I'll never have

I'm not mad it's not me
I'm sad
I know it will never be me
with anyone at all

go on and be happy
with someone else

we're not friends
since our ending

I was so confused
when I saw the picture

the necklace around her neck

heart stopped beating
I guess it will never be me

not with you
never with anyone

I think I'll stay in bed
longer today

go on
go as a dream

drifting away
so swiftly
when I wake up

you're lucky
and I just feel empty
like always

this is what is supposed to be

I think I clench my teeth
when I'm half asleep

does it always hurt this much
when you leave somebody

I hope
I'm loveable

I'm scared I'll forever
eat my breakfast, lunch, dinner alone

if I stretch both of my arms
I cover my entire bed
a spot no one ever lays

I always have a song stuck in my head
in the morning
at five thirty

I don't want to be happy alone
laughing all by myself

I'll love again
days I'll open my heart

glitter down the sink
you saw me screaming at my mom
was I wrong
I just wanted for us to get along

even if this love washes away
you left a memory inside me

fireworks
are exploding
in my heart

but you only see them up
in the sky

our smiles
so wide
disappeared
like a camera's flash

you'll know soon

how bright my heart
glows when you're around

happy new year's

I've got to check my pulse
to check if my heart still beats for you

I didn't know how to answer
to my dead name

I wish you'd call me
by your name

I always wanted to ask you
why you're awake so early

and to know
why you still message me

I still get surprised
when I see your name

I never know what to respond
only distant regards

I try not to be sad
I'll try to be happy

because it's okay now
what happened to us

..

I took the bandaid off
on my heart

it's healed

I regret saying it
I regret it everytime
after
why did I say it that way

maybe you don't deserve my kindness
I wanted to be more than polite

now it feels like a
dead kite in a puddle

I'm sorry for me too
but I don't forgive you

can we mark this day
if you never answer
maybe its for the best

you were never there
searched for a light a million times

the one day I didn't answer back
you draw a line

it's unfair the way you treat me
like I'm nothing

if you hate me now
I'm truly happy

I can hate you too

my mother was an alcoholic
drinking one more just to sleep
so I started to drink too
even if I didn't like the taste

I just wanted her to love me
to hold me tight
oh she was so broken
so I climbed inside her empty heart
tried to start a fire
but she left me dead and cold
in that hallow space

I went to waste
couldn't find someone to love me
I took all she had
all of her pain
I made it my own
in my little head
I believed if
she couldn't love me
at least she could hurt me
in the ugliest ways
maybe one day she'd realize
her worst mistakes

but I'm older now
she never takes the blame
I was never the victim
was I supposed to hate her
is it too late

I never once exploded
swallowed it down
that's why she likes me
because I put on my fake smile
tell her I'm okay
when in reality
I never processed a **** thing
stuck in my 12 year old mentality
frozen in that body

mother please love me
it hurts when you never put me first
I was your daughter
waiting my turn

think I'll always forgive you
sorry if I do
again and again

maybe not this time
maybe not

I wonder where
you disappeared to

so far away I can't reach you

I
can't be yours forever

deep down
I'll forgive you

even if it's not okay

the end of us is so depressing
I'm fully sober now

from all my lovesick feelings
did I push you away
or did you leave so quietly
I didn't notice
can't tell the difference  

I never asked you if you were okay
I miss you now
I hate you so much
please come back
at least give me one last goodnight

let me go back
this time a year ago
so I can stay a while longer

I'm breathing in
trying to breathe you out

losing oxygen
because you're gone
my heart can't take it
lungs are failing

this ending is full of silence
screaming out my pain
don't you feel it

don't you see it?

if I lied for you
tried my best for you

it never amounts to anything
you call me

you don't even use my name
you call me hers

you stabbed me deep
I tried to hide the pain

the blood is spilling out faster
as you keep talking

you got a million friends
but I'm not one of them

I see you're at your worst
but I can't hold on any longer

I can't stand it
falling to the ground

hope you never call me
might give you the chance to hurt me

this love
broken affection
never ends

the same sad tune
looking back to you

when we were close
you knew the darkest pieces of me

I can't show you the brightest
it's cruel

I want to talk to you
family by blood

now
now everything is different

hearing something else
it's hard to make my own decisions

hard to forgive
can't always understand both sides

I know there's a chance
you're just mean

there's no difference
you could be the same

but I don't want to believe
you've changed
more twisted

you're a sudden thunderstorm
lightning out of nowhere

the lights go out
I question the rain

where have you been
my dear

I thought I'd miss you forever
I never wanted to hate you but I did
I thought I'd love you forever

why's it have to be like that
we broke away so quietly

I didn't notice you leaving
waiting for you to come back
months passed
spring
summer
autumn will be the end

you're that dark cloud
looming over my apartment
while the sun shines on the other side

give it up
I don't miss you
I don't hate you
I don't love you
anymore

the storm will pass

you were the gun
boy you were
pulled the trigger straight into my heart

I'm bleeding
so much blood
my heart stopped beating
hard to breathe

I would've given everything
given it all away
just to have you
one more day

if you had it all
would you waste it
throw me out

you were the gun
you pulled the trigger
straight into my heart

now I'm dead
waiting to see you collect my
broken heart

just to look into your eyes
I would've done it all

got me thinking
what would you do
take my everything
turn it into nothing

your affection is priceless
nonexistent

you have a big heart
but its empty

you were the gun darling
all the bullets piercing through me

I hope you have one left
to **** me

I don't understand
these days

it's a painful sun
second comes a hurtful cloud
then falls a sharp rain

after a pang of thunder
follows the sound of a siren

then the cries of a poor bird
seeking refuge

the storm is gone now

only the wastes remain

the air is left feeling delusional

it's all just a passing

but tomorrow I will see it again

this city gives me no rest

I wonder when I can leave

hard to dream of life
when all I wished for is death

sweet darkness
stealing my breath away

can't make a picture of the future
I keep painting the past

if I stand in the rain will I wash away
can I evaporate

I could be a beautiful cloud

there's so much life
very little time

collecting the puzzle pieces
of myself

you swallow so many pills
all for a goodnight sleep

do the ghosts
still keep you awake

the only words I can ever say
goodnight
goodnight
goodnight

never gave me the chance to say
good morning

you never do

it's late
why do we only talk
when you're running away

the only words I can say
you give me no chances

goodnight
goodnight
goodnight

do you have to go
to a different place
you're dimensions away

you're in my dreams
quiet mornings trying to forget

it feels like I've lost you
but you're right there
I can hear you talk

I miss you so so much
crying
I know you're gone

the heart I used to know
has burned up
the ashes running down my face

every time you leave
sending no message
I feel so abandoned

no goodbye
no hello

it's like you're lost
don't you feel the same

are we breaking
pulling apart
strings losing strength

wish I could tie you to my wrist
keep you in my hands

covered in loss
you don't ever say my name

you stand in front of me
I can feel you drift away

writing letters
I can never give

if I could so easily
say the words to you

would you run far away
or come closer

I try to remember everything about you
everything we did
remind myself you exist outside my dreams

when I met you
it felt like we knew the ending before the start

this friendship
is a disguise

all the feelings I can't admit
three words together make no sense

what's on your mind
I can't tell you what's on mine

disconnected
are we still best friends

I can be isolating
you're away in unknown places

trying to find new love
even if you cross my mind

tempted
and delusional

hoping we find our way back together
I can't find someone better

you're the worst of all
no one hurts me like you

you're so unloving
leave me wanting more

more and more till
I crumble apart

keep to myself
don't ever give up

crack my heart open
I have to leave you
you'll love me after I go

I spent valentines day alone
you didn't say happy birthday till she said so

you didn't ask about my purple hair
I know you don't care

I've been thinking about you
spinning in my head
dizzy in a waltz

my dreams are all about loving you
then I wake up to loathe you

forcing my eyes open
cover the hole in my heart with a band aid

hurts more to know
you don't want to let me go
kills me to know you don't want me at all

come find me
I'll let you go
I can finish us off

you can put all the wind in a bag
send it my house
so it doesn't bother you anymore

you can hate me for months
love me after
come back when I've forgotten

it's hard to say
i love you so much
why is it so hard to
express what I feel

if you tell me something small
something big
I'll remember

I still have trouble falling asleep
you don't care
taking more pills
nothing works anyways

is it too late
to say
how much you mean to me

does it mean nothing now
is all my love meaningless

you can't forget me
I'll always think of you

till it hurts
one day it won't

I'm too ashamed
and filled with regret
to say
I miss you

It's too late to say
sorry
too late to say goodbye

everything I wish I had said
eats me up at night

I can't say it
I'm so disappointed in myself

but I must admit
I miss you a little
just a tiny bit

you know I miss you
you know I think about you
because I erased every bit of you

I threw all the pieces
I didn't want to remember
the memories are hard to get rid of
a dark stain inside my mind

can't wash you out
it's not enough
to runaway

don't tell anyone
but I still think about you months later

you should know
I erased you from everything

I can still find you inside my heart
through the thin cracks

peeking through
go down

can't say sorry now
there's no going back now

you're not my love

I wish for you too much

it's the wrong thing

real love will be present
and true

I'm always wishful and distant
with you

you're never around

I've been
dizzy in a cursed spell

I couldn't see anyone but you

sitting at the bottom of the wishing well

I was hoping you'd come by today

or tomorrow

or next week

maybe never

I'm drowning in my wishes

all for you

do you not wish me for me even a little

not even when you blow on a candle

or those pretty little flowers

do you not sleep wishful

like I do

staring at the clock

11:11

staring right back at me

i think about you at 11 pm

i'm too shy

picking at my skin

wondering what you would say

if i said something crazy

delusional and
once again confused

please don't leave
until i leave first

know there's lots of secrets
I won't share

unless you ever ask me to

i'd do anything
anything you ask me too

walking in a circle
because i think

i think
dangerously

i hate that i see pieces of myself in everyone
but i can't see myself completely

do you think
dangerously too

something so small
can become
a sweet dream

all the songs I dedicated to you
don't mean anything

to me

I pictured the best of you
then I burned it to ashes

you'll never be who I want you to be

don't tell me we have a chance
you're lying to yourself

I can see the truth
it's right in front of me

I want to look away

I hate it

you have nothing to lose
so you'll have me

I mean nothing to you

my hands
hurt

it's hot but negative zero
outside
I'll still turn the fan on

you don't want to say it
should I

I've been thinking
about saying everything

I want to scream it
out loud

you were my best friend
I was so happy in a world alone

you left me
there's nobody who will listen

you can throw the flowers out

you don't want to admit it
I'll ignore everything

my old best friend
I want to disappear but I don't want to let you go

it's going to hurt
if I leave

I'll stay for a while longer
just a little more suffering
a little more pain

to see my smile fade away

you can tear the story apart
you can burn my words away
you can twist my lines

I know everything
who's the real villain

hidden in plain sight

they burned all the bridges
I won't lie

the truth hurts
choose wisely
what you will say

you can throw me away
you can disown me
you can judge

it will always sadden me
how you will never be free

be careful
I've got nothing to lose

I'm in my right mind
are you in yours

you can't compete
don't think you can forget me

it breaks my heart

don't say it

I'll wait till I close my eyes
so I can be happy again

your warmth
wakes me up cold
in my dark room

it breaks my hearts

I remember the reality
you're not so special

it's all in my head

to have you
I'd have to give up
everything

I won't break my heart to have yours

you're too good for me
I know I'm wrong for saying this

I should get out of your way
you didn't give me time
I am dizzy in love

deep down I know
there's no beginning to this love story

you won't look back for me
tossed to the side
there's more important things to do

I'm going to say it
there's no stopping me

....

it's okay if you don't feel the same
we will forever be best friends

I will try my best to smile
if you ever to try to find me
I'll be here

I wish I could meet you again for first time

so I can ask you everything
I can't ask now

it's too late
I know I'm falling for you

you're fading
driving far away
leaving me on the side of the road

I'm a sad valentine
without you

I want to change my face
my name
my voice
so I can stand in front of you
for the first time again

you will love me in this new body
the old one will rot outside in my garden

now I can ask
what are your dreams
your biggest fears

where do you go when you're all alone

we're all so worthless
you know it

you're everchanging
not so everlasting

throwing cigarettes on your bedroom floor
you're so numb you can't feel the cold

where's the ceiling
always falling to the floor

there's just something
special about you

can't figure it out
I get chills

I want to look like you
move like you do

visions and side effects
I know you will break my heart first
but I can break it twice

I want to hold the sky in my hands

forever in your eyes

you stopped counting at nineteen
now you're twenty

the earth is dying
so am I

you can break my heart
if I can break yours

back to back
we don't see eye to eye

if God hates me
I hate him too

angel boy your wings are suffocating
I can't breathe

you can see inside
don't reach out

I can see you falling
will you ignore me now

find my soul
give it a home

we won't survive
the burden

your guilty conscious
is killing us all