You don’t deserve me.
Not for I am the perfect thing,
but for I am in broken pieces.
Where you might get cut
from the sharp edges.
And the last thing I want,
is for you to get hurt.
For you the one
that’s far from imperfections.
While I’m the one,
with questionable existence.
I pictured the rose red,
just like the sign on my door.
just like the hole in my soul.
just like the hope that I’ve lost.
But the rose is white,
just like the ghost
since you’ve been gone.
Peaceful in the dark
that’s how it’ll be.
Undress your true self,
what’s hidden underneath?
A mess in a clear picture,
covered in a blur capture.
When you wrap the fractured,
under the thick skin.
I wish I am
that you never met.
that you won’t hate.
than anyone else.
than current mess.
Staring at her own reflection
This is me.
This is who I am.
I’m losing myself in reality,
relying on the person that I used to be.
And here I am stuck in between,
the light and the dark
with no hope and dream.
Running out of chances,
between the ground to the sky limit.
Looking for changes,
peeking through the hole on the ceiling.
Praying for answers,
will there be one if I keep asking?
Holding on to ashes,
forgive me not for I have sinned.
It might be colourful;
Pretty for the eyes,
pretty as it lies,
what is inside.
It might be hurtful;
When there’s love for you,
and there’s a heart beating too,
inside the loof.
It might not be you;
Never be the time,
never be the one,
ready to run.
And she’ll run from the sun,
though she wished for it to shine.
As she wants it to be the light,
as she needs it to fill her mind.
But she’ll run from the sun,
from being the one for you, son.
I’ve been there trapped in the empty space.
Inside the box of endless maze.
I am myself with unfamiliar face.
Reaching for the light, dimmed in the haze.
Finding my way out, trying to escape
But they’ll pull me back in,
bury me deep into the grave.
Until I learn how to let go of things,
until I learn how to forgive.
To what it seems the dead end,
maybe there’s another way,
maybe there’s another home.
To what it seems the last stand,
maybe there’s another day,
maybe there’s another hope.
To what it seems the last chance,
for the hundredth time,
for the lost soul.
She used to say;
" I thought you’re the kind that will stand on your feet but you’re not and you’re glued to the seat. Freeze in the moment nodding to the authorities even when it’s wrong, even when it’s your call to lead "
The person that I used to be was someone that doesn’t afraid of anything and she knows it. It hurts to let her down though I don’t mean it, but I did.
After all, I’ll only hurt the ones I love and that’s who I’ll be.
The world could be a scary place sometimes.
It could be hell in your safest heaven,
could be comfort in your midnight prison.
And it could be the one in the pieces,
that’ll make it one for sure.
A reflection of yourself in the mirror.
Here, here is love.
Here, here are the pieces.
Here are the words written.
Here are the promises broken.
Here, here it hurts.
Here, here it shatters.
All the pain inside her,
six feet under.
Summer rays on your skin.
The sound of beach waves hitting.
Is this heaven on earth we’re living?
Can we stay a little longer like this?
Just the two of us breathing in breeze.
Only that we’re not here in dream,
but somewhere we call home
with you beside me.
Who knows that someday you’ll be stuck somewhere in the middle,
when you’re looking forward for the future.
How the vision becomes blur and completely different,
from what you have ever seen since birth.
And you’ll learn the greatest lesson;
That this life of ours,
should be lived to the fullest.
Before you’re sinking,
right to the bottom.
Losing your only chance,
Thought that I’ve seen everything;
How the clouds cry.
How the stars shine.
How the sun rises.
But I never saw this one coming;
How you’re leaving and it’s raining.
How I’m wishing on the star shooting.
How I’m hoping for no tomorrow to live.
And it started with your sweet grinning.
But for the ending, I was left by myself
What’s on your mind?
In your eyes
(screaming for help)
From your mouth
(not a single sigh is made)
On your face
(had enough of this place)
But that could just be me.
That could just be me,
thinking that you might
be lost in this maze.
Like how I am supposed to be,
in case you haven’t noticed.
I’m writing just to let you know that I’m still here to let you mourn. Forgive my soul as I don’t know how to take control. As I let myself drifted away from the shore, drowning myself deep down in the hole. Hoping for someone to bring me home and honey, it’s not your fault.
As I can’t be saved if I don’t let myself to be
and I have to learn how to breathe while suffocating.
So don’t wait for me, please.
Never thought that it’ll end like this.
I used to know myself so well and lead.
Used to go for my hope and dream.
Used to believe that I’ll make it through everything.
But here I am staring at the list.
Questioning my weakness and all my needs.
For all the things that have been holding me,
from becoming the person, that I dreamt to be.
And I barely know, the one I’m with.
I have to remind myself,
that it won’t last forever.
But I can’t change the fact,
that it’ll be here no matter.
Hiding in between
somewhere inside me.
Waiting for the time
when it might be the end of everything.
Where will I be?
Am I still stuck at the beginning?
Still on the first page of my story?
Still doesn’t mean something to anybody?
Like how I’m still here, disappointing.
It might take years to heal
and tears to feel,
alive and breathing.
To know that I’m still here surviving
after all the misery,
living with pain while dying.
And trying to convince
that it’s worthy to believe,
to keep fighting for something.
Am I still holding on to it?
Will I still hold on to it?
You can’t look for the light
when the sun shines bright,
so you call for the dark night.
Will the dark sky be on your side
when the light blinds your eyes,
as you beg for a sign.
There you wait for the time,
but you’ve never seen it right,
for you to save your life.
While losing your own mind,
finding a place to hide
from these illusive lies.
Can we believe in something
based on our own perspective?
Where no rules or guidelines
can put that this is how it must be.
And whichever side we might be falling in,
it is not the conclusion for who we’ll be.
As we might be changing,
and constantly changing.
For us, is just a human being.
So give us a chance,
I’m tangled in between
hope and dream.
And it’s confusing;
That in my sleep
I have you.
But in reality
I’m still hoping
for it to be true.
I don’t know where I belong
but I just wanna be home
and I’m lost.
— The End —