I have to remind myself,
that it won’t last forever.
But I can’t change the fact,
that it’ll be here no matter.

Hiding in between
somewhere inside me.
Waiting for the time
when it might be the end of everything.

But where will I be, by then?

Am I still stuck there at the beginning?
Still hanging on the first page of my story?
Still doesn’t mean anything to somebody?

Like how I’m still here, disappointing.

—n.y

Never thought that it’ll end like this.
I used to know myself so well and lead.
Used to go for my hope and dream.
Used to believe that I’ll make it through everything.

But here I am staring at the list.
Questioning my weakness and all my needs.
For all the things that have been holding me,
from becoming the person, that I dreamt to be.

And I barely know, the one I’m currently with.

—n.y

You can’t reach for the light
though the sun shines bright,
so you call for the dark night.

Will the dark knight be on your side
when the light blinds your eyes,
as you beg for a sign.

There you wait for the time,
but you’ve never get it right,
for you to save your life.

Losing your own mind,
finding a place to hide
from such illusive lies

That there’s hope in disguise.

—n.y

For once I wish to be safe.
For once I hope that I could be.
Safe to have feelings,
Safe to be myself and not hiding.
From the fact that I’m hurt.
From the fact that I’m in love, still.
But too much of emotions,
Lead me to destruction down the alley.

Is there somewhere?
I could be in pieces,
In peace.

—n.y

Dear love,

I’m writing just to let you know that I’m still here to let you mourn. Forgive my soul as I don’t know how to take control. As I let myself drifted away from the shore, drowning myself deep down in the hole. Hoping for someone to bring me home and honey, it was not your fault.

As I can’t be saved if I don’t let myself to be
and I have to learn how to breathe while suffocating.

So don’t wait for me, please.

—n.y

I own the version you think of me.
The misguided one in your story.
There aren’t enough apologies,
able to change the narrative.
For the way you see things;

Put the blame
on my k/illings.

— n.y

Never thought that I’ll be caught,
by that sweet smile.
In that smile,
I found peace.
Once, there was it.

Never knew it’ll cross my mind,
one day I’ll be falling.
Falling fast,
down so deep.
At first, you did.

Here I am stuck in between,
a probably or maybe,
like an option left hanging.

Are you still
in love to be?

—n.y

I pictured the rose red,
just like the sign on my door.
Maybe black,
just like the hole in my soul.
Or yellow,
just like the hope that I’ve lost.
But the rose is white,
just like the ghost
since you’ve been gone.

—n.y

Thought that I’ve seen everything;
How the clouds cry.
How the stars shine.
How the sun rises.

But I never saw this one coming;
How you’re leaving and it’s raining.
How I’m wishing on the star shooting.
How I’m hoping for no tomorrow to live.

And it started with your sweet grinning.
But I was left by myself hanging, for the ending.

—n.y

The scars left, it won’t heal.
From time to time, it’ll still bleed.
But I’m not the only one, that did.
At least, that’s what I want to believe.
That you hurt the same, just like me.
Or else, please tell me truly.
How can you make it seems so easy,
to just forget and leave;

The sunset that you promised.

—n.y

Here, here is love.
Here, here are the pieces.
Here are the words written.
Here are the promises broken.

Here, here it hurts.
Here, here it shatters.
All the pain inside her,
six feet under.

—n.y

I’m tangled in between
hope and dream.
And it’s confusing;
That in my sleep
I have you.
But in reality
I’m still hoping
for it to be true.

—n.y

It might take years to heal
and tears to feel,
alive and breathing.
To know that I’m still here surviving
after all the misery,
living with pain while dying.
And trying to convince
that it’s worthy to believe,
to keep fighting for something.

Am I still holding on to it?

Will I still hold on to it?

—n.y

Falling apart like flowers
Wilted with breakable bone
For once I’ve been watered
With hope to bloom
For second I won’t be the one
Like you used to tone
For I’m the dried petals
Crushing to its doom.

—n.y

It might be colourful;
Bloom.
Pretty for the eyes,
pretty as it lies —
what was inside.

It might be hurtful;
Proof.
When there’s love for you,
and there’s a heart beating too —
inside the loof.

It might not be you;
Truth.
Never be the time,
never be the one —
ready to run.

And she’ll run from the sun,
though she wished for it to shine.
Though she wants it to be the light,
as she needs it to lit her mind.
But she’ll run from the sun,
from being the one for you, son.

—n.y

To see things differently.
To comprehend it all,
from different perspectives.
To have empathy and to believe.
To own and learn from each of it;

The reason behind everything.

—n.y

The world could be a scary place sometimes.
It could be hell in your safest heaven,
could be comfort in your midnight prison.

And it could be the one in the pieces,
that’ll make it one for sure;

A reflection of yourself in the mirror.

—n.y

You don’t deserve me.
Not for I am the perfect thing,
but for I am in broken pieces.
Where you might get cut
from the sharp edges.
And the last thing I need,
is for you to get hurt.

For you the one,
that’s far from imperfections.
While I’m the one,
with questionable existence.

—n.y

She says;
" Thought you’re the kind that’ll stand on your feet.
But you’re not, instead you’re glued to the seat.
Freeze in the moment nodding to the authorities. Even when it’s wrong, even when it’s your call to lead. "

The person that I used to be,
Was someone that doesn’t afraid of anything
And she knows it.

It hurts to let her down,
Though I don’t mean it,
But I did.

After all,
I’ll only hurt the ones I love,
And that’s who I’ll be.

—n.y

I don’t know where I belong
but I just wanna be home
and I’m lost.

Wandering,
lost.

Wondering,
lost.

Still, lost.

—n.y

Summer rays on your skin.
The sound of beach waves hitting.
Is this heaven on earth we’re living?
Can we stay a little longer like this?
Just the two of us breathing in breeze.
Only that we’re not here in dream,
but somewhere we call home
with you beside me.

—n.y

Who knows that someday
you’ll be stuck somewhere in the middle,
while looking forward for the future.
How the vision becomes blur
and completely different,
from what you’ve imagined since ever.

And you’ll learn the greatest lesson;

How this life of ours,
should be lived to the fullest.
Before you’ll be sinking,
right to the bottom.
Losing your only chance,
for revolution.

—n.y

The stars shine, the sun rises.
The moon lights and the sky cries.
Even in dream, even in real life.
Even when the living is full of lies.
As day goes by.

—n.y

Peaceful in the dark
that’s how it’ll be.
Undress your true self,
what’s hidden underneath?
A mess in a clear picture,
covered in a blur capture.
When you wrap the fractured,
under the thick skin.

—n.y

Staring at her own reflection
She mumbles;

    This is me.
    This is who I am.
    I’m losing myself in reality,
    relying on the person that I used to be.
    And here I am stuck in between,
    the light and the dark
    with no hope and dream.

—n.y

To what it seems the dead end,
maybe there’s another way,
maybe there’s another home.

To what it seems the last stand,
maybe there’s another day,
maybe there’s another hope.

To what it seems the last chance,
for the hundredth time,
for the lost soul.

—n.y

I’ve been there trapped in the empty space.
Inside the box of endless maze.
I am myself with unfamiliar face.
Reaching for the light, dimmed in the haze.
Finding my way out, trying to escape

But they’ll pull me back in,
bury me deep into the grave.
Until I’ve learned how to let go of things,
until I’ve learned how to forgive.

—n.y

Running out of chances,
between the ground to the sky limit.
Looking for changes,
peeking through the hole on the ceiling.
Praying for answers,
will there be one if I keep asking?
Holding on to ashes,
forgive me not for I have sinned.

—n.y

I would like to remember you as sunflower.
The happy moments, once we were.
I want to remember your smile.
That smile, forever.

Nothing can make me change,
the point of view from my perspective.
Won’t paint you as the bad figurine,
because I know you aren’t one.

You’ll always be the person,
I’m glad to meet.
But I’m not the want that you need,
not the one that you want to keep,

And so I’ll leave.
And I’ll take the dried petals with me.
That once belong to us,
that once made me happy.

A part of you,
I’ll carry for eternity.

—n.y

The silence is louder tonight.
Not a single sigh was made.
But all I can hear is your voice,
if only I could listen to it all over.
And for more I want you to say,
and forever I want you to stay.
But that’s too much for me to ask for,
thus one last mercy I demand from you so;

The conversation that we need,
the good in bye that I seek.

—n.y

Longing for the unknown,
and it hurts to know,
that we crave for the one,
that we don’t know.

The empty hole,
unwilling fall,
unfulfill hope.

—n.y

I wish I am
somebody else
that you never met.

Somebody else
that you won’t hate.

Someone better
than anyone else.

Someone better
than current mess.

—n.y

Was I your dandelion wish?
The one that you hope for,
before you knew me.
The one that you thought,
is the girl of your dream.
Now that we’re here,
stuck in between;
The one that you saw,
and the one you be with.
Am I still the one,
that you wish upon the seeds?

— n.y

Like the flowers, I be.
Like the flowers, I bloom.
Like the flowers, I might wilt.
Like the flowers, I’ll droop.
Even falling, yet still colourful.

—n.y

Maybe if I was her;
The girl of your dream.
The sweet one that you wished.
The person that always gets it.
The lover when you need.

Maybe then, it’ll be easy.
This love story, I intend to keep.

But I’m not,
and that’s the tragedy.

— n.y

I could be her
But I was that girl
I might be the woman
But I am this person
And all it takes to grow, is everything
Another person, another identity
Another faces to learn from each
To be better and healing.

—n.y

Being lost in translation.
In between the silence and perceptions.
Those words that were said but not meant,
and those that are meant but not said;

Tragic love ending.

—n.y

I’m off the tracks, off the rocker.
Off the season, for the nice weather.
Off the line, for another offer.
Lost of senses, in the middle.
Of who I was, before the trouble.
Yet here I am, for the next performance.

—n.y

The letters I wrote for my future lover.
They should warn them how it can be disastrous.
For when there’s calm, there can be happiness.
For when there’s a storm, it can be breathless;

The highs and lows are unconscious.

—n.y

Make believe and having hopes.
It can be dangerous to have these,
when you keep wanting to see,
the good in everything.
Without having a grip on reality,
it can k/ill brutally;

The longing.

—n.y

This heart remains the same,
and I know myself so well that it will.
From the moment that I let you in,
to forever, I promised to keep.
Even when we’re no longer crystal clear,
I’ll keep this part of my life end here;


And there’s no one else after us.
And I’ll make myself disappear.

—n.y

Was it my fault,
to have hopes?
To believe in you,
to not hurt.
But you did it once,
and you did it twice.
To have this thought,
to have this doubt;

Was I so wrong,
to love hard?

—n.y

Maybe if I don’t have to love,
Maybe if I don’t have to have this heart,
It’ll be easier to breathe like how they did.
As easy as to leave me hanging.
As easy as to treat me like nothing.
An option to be kept,
For when there’s none left to be picked.
And I’m always that one thing;

Chosen when can be used,
and forgotten when no longer in need.

—n.y

I want

The holding hands,
that “just because for you”.
The random reassurance,
that we’ll make it through.
The plan dates,
that honesty and truth.
The future of us,
that being a kid.
The growing old together,
that you and me.
The love I keep,
that I’m willing to give.
The courage I seek,
that brave one to fall deep.
The feeling safe to be
that fragile but in one piece;

As long as you’re staying,
I’ll take it all,
the beauty and ugly.

—n.y

I wish I could run back to you.
But I had enough of getting,
the door slammed on me.
And so I’ll stay where I belong,
where I’m supposed to be.

How silly of me,
for being here still.
And I will,
for how long I need.
And for a while,
I believe.

Hard to let you go,
but I let you be free.
In hope you’ll find your peace,
just like how you wish.
From here I’ll always be,
just like how I promised;

Having conversations with God for it.

— n.y

To say that I’m happy — I’m not.
I crave for you to be with me.
But I can’t make you choose.

To say that you’re a fool for not staying,
— I am one too for leaving.
It’s ridiculous, for such things.

To say that we are not — I believe.
Wrong timing or not meant to be.
None of us was wrong in this.

To say that it takes another person
for you to be happy.
It takes this way for your life to be better,
without me — I’ll let you be.

To say that I rather have you well and loved
in this world because you deserve it.
Even when I’m not the reason behind
— like I wished.

To say that it kills, it really is.
But I live for that smile — that genuine one
I adored since first day.
That I hope you’ll always wear.

To say the reason why — don’t ask me.
But I want to stay, still admiring.
Will you let me be,
please.

— n.y