Dear love,

I’m writing just to let you know that I’m still here to let you mourn. Forgive my soul as I don’t know how to take control. As I let myself drifted away from the shore, drowning myself deep down in the hole. Hoping for someone to bring me home and honey, it was not your fault.

As I can’t be saved if I don’t let myself to be
and I have to learn how to breathe while suffocating.

So don’t wait for me, please.

—n.y

Never thought that it’ll end like this.
I used to know myself so well and lead.
Used to go for my hope and dream.
Used to believe that I’ll make it through everything.

But here I am staring at the list.
Questioning my weakness and all my needs.
For all the things that have been holding me,
from becoming the person, that I dreamt to be.

And I barely know, the one I’m currently with.

—n.y

I have to remind myself,
that it won’t last forever.
But I can’t change the fact,
that it’ll be here no matter.

Hiding in between
somewhere inside me.
Waiting for the time
when it might be the end of everything.

But where will I be, by then?

Am I still stuck there at the beginning?
Still hanging on the first page of my story?
Still doesn’t mean anything to somebody?

Like how I’m still here, disappointing.

—n.y

It might take years to heal
and tears to feel,
alive and breathing.
To know that I’m still here surviving
after all the misery,
living with pain while dying.
And trying to convince
that it’s worthy to believe,
to keep fighting for something.

Am I still holding on to it?

Will I still hold on to it?

—n.y

You can’t reach for the light
though the sun shines bright,
so you call for the dark night.

Will the dark knight be on your side
when the light blinds your eyes,
as you beg for a sign.

There you wait for the time,
but you’ve never get it right,
for you to save your life.

Losing your own mind,
finding a place to hide
from such illusive lies

That there’s hope in disguise.

—n.y

I’m tangled in between
hope and dream.
And it’s confusing;
That in my sleep
I have you.
But in reality
I’m still hoping
for it to be true.

—n.y

I don’t know where I belong
but I just wanna be home
and I’m lost.

Wandering,
lost.

Wondering,
lost.

Still, lost.

—n.y