I'll show you we had a spark
Even if I have to burn us down

I would have said so many things to you
But the words were too heavy
And my voice isn't strong enough
I managed, "I'll see you again"

We are not heavy.
Nothing in this life needs to be heavy
God was not a Mason, moving heavy brick
God was an artist, painting weightless strokes
Every second we had together was a stroke of God
On perfect canvas

The story of our lives cannot be contained on the pages between two covers
Sometimes the stories need space and more ink
She would fill an entire book

I would give up shooting stars
And making wishes
Because I had everything
And traded it for anything, which wasn't her
We all make mistakes; we all have our sins
But what would you give
To start it again

So I use my shooting stars to bless her life
I use my magic moments to ask for our life
To not be separated too long
Because that was the hardest goodbye

In our tears, I could hear
Her whispering profanities
Waves of my gratitude
For who she taught me to be
"You're such an *******," she said
And I know how she feels
How can goodbye be something that's real?
Our book is not done
There's more to be said
So instead of "The End"
"I'll see you again."

When I was in 4th grade a girl named Claire
Kicked my ***
And left me on the blacktop
I swore it would never happen again

When I was 17 a girl named Ashley
Kicked my ***
And left my heart in pieces
I swore to never trust love again

I just turned 23 and a girl I shouldn’t name
Kicked my ***
I wanted to give her everything
For the very first time

But I never got off the blacktop
My heart is still in pieces
Love is still untrustworthy
I need to learn to fight.

Stormy weather is God's way of saying we could have done better
Or tried harder
The sound of breathing is just the rhythm
Undoing all the potential I used to have
I hide under my covers hoping that my fears
Are as afraid of the dark as I am
My smile is just the curve of the lies I tell myself
“Everything is going to be okay, one day.”
I might be sleeping two hours a day
And that’s a long time
To be with someone you don’t like and doesn’t like you back
Or maybe it’s because I’m scared of what my self-concise might tell me
In my dreams
The alarm clock that illuminates my room reminds me
I’m not on time for being myself.
I missed being who I wanted to be
A few years ago
And I haven’t caught up
It reminds me of how far I have to go and how little time I have left
Sometimes I have to let a tear fall, to remind myself
I’m alive
Every day I memorize my name
So it wouldn’t sound weird as I talk to myself in the mirror
I want my name to sound like something I can be proud of
We are our own heroes and until we realize our strength
We’ll bend at the knee to heed the directions of people
who know us less than we know ourselves
It seems impossible because when I cry I have to no idea why
When I laugh I don’t understand that
I’m the joke
Like a clown without makeup
Like the girl sitting in the back of class: self-conscious about her bad hair day
I love the mess because it’s how I really feel and at least
She’s brave enough to embrace it and face it.
I simply hide behind my shower curtain of indulgence and cowardice
Unfortunately, I’m not very fast and my problems are catching up
I’m throwing up my hands in shackles
Limiting my ability to wipe my tears
After 23 years I understand we’re all kids in adult clothing
Trying to fill our baggy pants with our own pride and big egos
We have neck ties of lies we tell others to fell a little bigger
Stripped down to loose shorts we con show the tattoos of humility
We weren’t ready to show
And unable to let go
Make it through the night and look outside
The sunrise is simply God’s interpretation of what our dreams may have looked like
He does it because we can’t remember the details

Sometimes the crayon breaks in the middle of your drawing
That doesn't mean you stop; blend your sun-rays into skylines
You'll look like Van Gogh seeing
Setbacks as opportunities to find
Beauty you never would have thought to look for

She pulls the curtain
Self-consciously her head bows
Standing ovation

"I love you,"
One:
You are the first person to ever say that to me
The grass felt soft and the air warm
We couldn't stop laughing

"I love you,"
Two:
I'm a bit more skeptical because words aren't actions
And you're actions are yelling another story; it sounds more like a tragedy than a comedy.

Three:
Someone told me they loved me before, but hadn't thought about what it means. I trust you are most selective with my feelings. (A candle-lit dinner means more than artificial light.)

"I _ _ _ _ you,"
Four:
We say "love" as often as "hate;" they can be equally destructive.

Five:
I'm alone. I can love myself.

"I love you,"
Six:
This time I said it first. That was a mistake. You are only skin deep. You couldn't understand anything more than perfume and mascara. It makes all the difference if you break or are broken.

Seven:
We are collapsing buildings, screaming it one last time before we accept we never had a chance. If we had been trees we could have swayed in the breeze.

Eight:
I am alone.

"I love,"
Nine:
My love is for someone else, not for myself.

Ten:
I'm very cautious when someone says, "I love you." I've heard it before. I have only seen it through squinting eyes.
When it's honest, I hope I know how to care for it properly.

I arrived at your house this morning, and snuck through the front door.
You father didn't hear and your mother didn't see.
The steep stairs creaked as we followed our quick-moving feet.
In secret nooks that look like your mind, we whispered secrets that could have changed the world;
Your mind is brighter than the dim fluorescent lights.
It makes me feel more human to hear what your heart and mind have agreed upon.
Mostly the world needs more compassion, to allow people to be more than what they're labeled.
You may be a Jew, but you're also a human.
I may be a man, but I'm also a human.
Every human has this in common.
When I saw your room, I lost the fight with my tears.
Your ambition and hope suffered for years.
And so, Anne Frank, I will remember you.
Humans are more than strangers, and freedom is more than living.
I won't take either for granted.

It was like looking at the sun
Not that she was abnormally bright
Or beautiful
She was gorgeous like so many others
but she was different like none
I had seen before
Her eyes told me how strong she was
She knew pain and heartbreak
Embraced by galaxies and milky ways
Swirling on cloud of cream
In her morning coffee
Her nose told stories of adventure
She knew the rush of wind too fast
Hurricanes in beating hearts
Faster, stronger, higher
Than cloud nine where she stored her smile
I read poetry in her hair
Left undone with such care
Flannel sheets at Christmas time
Seeing her is all I need
It was not like looking at the sun
She was brilliant like twinkling lights
Only I could see
As the world looked mindlessly
Beyond

Break down the walls
Surrounding you

Using them as bridges

When he runs his hands together
It sounds like sandpaper
Waiting to shape raw wood
They're rough because life isn't always easy
But hard work makes it worth it

Because cost and value don't measure success
If he had nothing to own, he wouldn't be worth any less

On Saturdays, we watched the History Channel and ate donuts with forks
Sometimes my grandfather would tell me his tales

I learned about cooking
Always season it well and prepare a bit more
Because there's no telling who'll show up at your door

I learned about fire
Like life, it's relentless, but you always fight back

I learned about chivalry
It may be asleep, but it'll never die
Because opening doors, compliments, and hand-written notes can keep love alive

And I owe me to him
I am a man because he led my way
He brought me out of darkness
Without ever knowing he was the light

We built model airplanes from Balsa wood
And classic cars from plastic;
Our dreams are simply disassembled pieces
There's no rules or instruction
We can build whatever we want

I sit on a swing
Unstable and free
I slide through the air
No one notices me

I sit on a swing
With a noose on my neck
The seat falls out
My life was a wreck

They put up a swing
To remember me by
The swing never swings
Their act was a lie

The tree crushed the swing
They cut that ***** down
My memory is gone
But my ghost is around

Inside every pessimist is a broken optimist.
Inside every realist is a disappointed optimist.
Inside every optimist is a little bit of hope.

I will die.

In order to authentically die, you must live authentically. Some live so casually that death is not their end. They fade. They leave. Death must be an honor, not a fate.

My life will be proof in my death.

I loved my family first. I allowed them to continually conquer my heart and time. My affections were used on them and not the things my coffin refuses to contain.

The opportunities we are granted will be on our last breath. Confirming we were successful at taking them, or full of regret and bitterness.

There is no need for resolutions or bucket lists. Today is my life. I plan to make it count. God and I are the only mathematicians to this equation.

Our life is amplified by our death.

If an artist wants to make money, they best thing they can do is die. (Jackson, Shakur, Leonardo, Twain, Lewis, etc.)

I am not particularly excited for death. I am not morbid. But if I have to go through it, I’ll make my life worth it.

It’s okay to be alone
To stand on your own

Even when standing means
kneeling with arms throwing
prayers to God
Even when standing means sitting
and looking through memories
in photographs
Even when standing means crying
making yourself lighter in the tears
floating away
Even when standing means stepping
and putting one foot in front
to brace your desire of
moving on

It’s okay to be together
With hands held tight

Except when hands are swords
thrown more carelessly
than insulting words
Except when hands are lies
beckoning false hope to set up
camp in broken homes
Except when hands are eyes
pulled away by naked screens
crushing bones and hearts
Except when hands are pocketed
because being together
isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

It's okay to be brave.

We are perfected through struggle.
Like sunrises after hollow nights.

You have to get up; try again.

Because even the sun has thought,
"I am too weak to stand,"

And rose anyway.

You shine brighter than the sun, even on a perfect summer day.

Tomorrow came knocking on my door
I wasn’t ready to handle more
Certain comfort in snuggling Yesterday
The memories take us far away

Tomorrow waited and knocked again
“I’m here to stay,” he shouted in
Today helped me hide Yesterday
Just past the kitchen, in the bay

Tomorrow burst in, unwanted
Today claimed his end exalted
I shared a laugh and bite of food
Tomorrow helped change the mood

I wanted Tomorrow to met my Yesterday
We walked past the kitchen, to the bay
I found there my old Today
He became my Yesterday

Yesterday had let himself out the back
He knew I needed Tomorrow intact
Today took his place in silence
Tomorrow become Today to keep balance

Don’t let the past be your top concern
Keep it long enough to learn
Tomorrow will soon be Today
Do not live in Yesterdays

My heart is a home
And I gave you a key
You thought it was a hotel
And left after one week

These past two days have come and gone,
I sat on my bed from dusk till dawn,
I couldn't stop thinking of you for a single minute,
People told me to do something... but I didn't,

I refused to listen,
I refused to hear,
All I cared about,
Was my sweet dear,

I closed my eyes and imagined your face,
We raced off together to a beautiful place,

We huggled,
We snuggled,
We laughed and we cried,
I wiped the teardrops away from your eye,

Don't worry my dear,
Everything will be all right,
When you lie down for bed,
Think of me saying, "Goodnight."

My friend is gone
We’ve gone our ways
So here’s a toast
For better days

I see your face
From time to time
Your heart beats loud
Along with mine

But I walk alone
Because life moves fast
Each day is gold
It won’t last

Enjoy the place
And people too
In the end
They’ll get you through

In this life
Or in the next
God, I know
Will give us rest

When I’m gone, please
Speak well of me

Things are things and
Verbs are verbs
When you hear chirps
It’s probably birds

Feet go in shoes
And shoes on the floor
Music echoes in ears
Leaving you wanting some more

A heart is a heart
Until it’s beats aren’t for you
Love isn't love
Until you share it with two

Then comes the end
As all good things must
Settle on the shelf
And gather life’s dust

"Too late" is a lie
So get back on your way
Start life over
If you can, start it today

If you asked nicely
My shoes would whisper
Stories of the horizons you
Have yet to meet

I give her my jacket knowing when she’s gone
It will still smell like her hugs

Putting my arm around her shoulders is more honest
Than when I raise my arm to the square

I don’t know where she is going in life
But I wouldn’t mind if it were the same place I was

The wind blows silently when she is speaking
Because even the flowers want to listen

If her smile were a disease, I would gladly infect myself
Especially if there were no vaccine

My chest is an air mattress when her head rests against it
I don’t mind when it deflates, brining her a little closer

Even in the winter I can smell fresh-cut grass
And it brings back memories I wish she were a part of

If I were made of mirror, when she looked at me
She might understand why I stare

I’ve dumped thousands of words from the slide of my pen
Into the pools of my paper
An amusement park to clear my mind and regain feelings in my heart
But it’s been a long time since my heart bled onto these pages
Words that I cannot vocalize
Words for you that can't convey the intended emotion

Lately, in my solitude I dream of you and your gorgeous smile
It makes the butterflies in my stomach jump around like they just bought a trampoline
When I nap, I think of you
When my back needs scratched I ache for your hands
How perfect they would be to hold
When I look at the stars I can see the sparkle in your eyes

Not to be redundant or cliché
I could write about you and all the things I admire
But we have taken our time – so no rush now
Give me the time and I can show you how to really be happy
Like kids on a swing set

You opened my chest like banquet doors before the feast
And I want to give you your fill
All you can take in your own heart, and more
My love is my offer; this is my score.

I crave silence when you speak to me
Words are typically weapons
And I’m not used to compliments
Your company is desperately unfulfilling

Hiding is so much easier than
Feeling warm embraces
I’m anxious your arms are chains
Your heart is a fire

I’m a witch on trial
For unproven crimes
That only I’ve seen
Only I know what lurks
Behind my restless eyes

Doubts and fears that repel
Those like yourself
Strength can be seen
In someone unwilling
To give up on someone
Who already gave up
On
Himself

Speak strong and hug hard
Because the silence and chains
Are all I’ve known
Please prove me wrong
Or end me quickly

I was just standing there
Feeling the way the earth moved
I thought we were dancing
The earth was spinning
Without noticing my desperation

I mistook her eyes
For birthday candles
And when she whispered
Hello
My wish came true

all the mothers
     strong enough
          to be a father too.

When you press your ear to my chest
Checking the life of my heart
I hope you can hear
What I was too afraid to say
"I love you," killed me
Because nothing is worth dying for
Quite like love
We're all going to die

In a world
of trees, I
was born
a bird.

Van Gogh painted the
Famous Starry Night
Through eyes blurred by tears
Because he and God
Both got it just right

Under shooting stars
I blinked away my tears
Because I and God
Cast away my fears

In the light of night
The moon will take your hand
Because you and God
Are co-authors of your plan

Heaven won't

be full of people
who simply


avoided hell.

I can shout it because I’m pitiful,
But I’ll whisper it because I'm weak.
It’s the only thing light enough to say.
And I’m sorry saying sorry
Won’t change a **** thing!

Death doesn’t care how much we cry.
Even if we swear to change,
To cork the *****,
Or
Come home on time,
Death will carry on as usual.
Without skipping a beating heart

Sometimes depression looks like you
Depression can look like me
it can also look like nothing
Depression is not something you see

Her name sounds a lot like my prayers.
I know she can’t hear them,
But God pays attention to the things that make us happy.

When she looks into the sky to marvel at stars,
She has no idea that every star is staring back at her.
They shine brightly because she brings out the best in us.

Her smile has never solved any problems.
It makes every problem an opportunity.
Like how love can finally set you free.

If we were together, time would stop.
Father Time would fumble his watch faster than he dropped his jaw.
If we were together, the world would break.
Mother Nature would be explosively jealous of her beauty.

My heart was accustomed to living in pieces.
I don’t bother with doctors because they can’t cure soul-mate separation.
When she came along she didn’t try to change me.
Piece by piece, she put me back together.

She told me she feels empty when we aren’t talking.
As if my words are raindrops that make a difference in the ocean of her soul.
I commit all of her words to memory.
As if I could nail myself to every T, and be closer to making a memorable sacrifice.

If I spent my entire life try to deserve her,
I might save enough to glance at her smile.

In case I die tonight, I want you to be my last thought.
My last word deserves to be your name, whispered on
My last breath, only audible for God to hear.
Death might be waiting patiently for me.
There is nothing else I can imagine dying for

I feel like I will break your heart
Despite my best efforts
Because my best is often not enough
For people I like

From day to day I might not change
Despite your best efforts
Because your best is often not enough
For someone like me

My body is hollowed from the outside
My soul is spilling out
Soon I’ll only be a rusty tap
Drip drip drip drip
I am your repetition

Please protect yourself
If you’re going to love me
It will be a war
From which we won't return

This shell-shock attitude;
I am broken
A veteran trying to make sense of
Warless times

The nightmares illuminate my dreams
I lose sleep staring at eyes
I will never see

Here is your warning:
I love you.
Here is your death sentence:
You love me too.

I'm a lump of coal
Looking for a diamond
Who remembers what it's like
To not believe in yourself;
Who's willing to wait for me
To finally show what I'm worth

Loneliness is a frictionless erosion
A silent internal explosion
The walls crumble down
And even with crowds around
No one comes to check if you
Survived

If my life is just
The dream of some god
I hope he remembers
            me
When he wakes up

Darkness after lighting
Silence after thunder

Nothing compared to
Heartbreak after you

stories can be poems
and this is a story
but when i call it a story
i mean i hope it has an ending
because when i found out i might have cancer
all i could think about was that end
the post-****** descent into
nothing
final full stop
no more pages
no more breath
because they say beauty is
in the eye of the beholder
and my eyes are
magnificent
malignant
my detriment
pop a piece of spearmint
because when you think you'll die
but you don't want people
to feel bad for you
you tell them only the good news

If her smile were a disease,
I'd gladly infect myself.

It wasn’t the time
To start dropping lines
About love and forever
So I hung “I love you”
In my closet
Next to the skeleton
Who’s been begging
To see the sunlight
Sometimes we let our hearts
Act as a vault instead of
A home
We lock things away
Trying to protect them and
Keep them safe
But ultimately
Everything dies
Emotions fade because
Even though we say “forever”
Forever has a way
Of changing people
Cursed be the man who isn’t
Changed by time and experience
So locked away in my heart
“I love you” began to decay
soon it’ll be another skeleton
I’m afraid will come tumbling out
So instead of saying anything
I’ll give you the combination to my vault
And hopefully you like what you find
Like maybe it reminds you of treasure
Something you will want to keep
Instead of selling it so you have enough change
To wash your ***** sheets

I am living on my own
I am better suited in a community
I haven’t had reason to use my voice
Since she stopped talking to me

On sunny days I go out
Hoping someone will talk to me
Even if it’s just,
“What the hell are you looking at?”
Staring is awkward

But I could say,
“I see you,”
Like when we play peek-a-boo
With infants
Before we forgot what laughter
Was supposed to sound like
Now laughter sounds like my voice
Silence.

I just want to answer a question
Which wasn’t posed by myself
Remember the line about
"We were all meant to shine
Like children do,
Because the glory of God is in each of us?"
Well sometimes I think
The glory of God
Looks too much like Seattle in springtime
Overcast and drizzly

His glory is in us
But we don’t let it out
Because of how scared we are
Of seeing ourselves in the light
Mistakes are masked
In the dust and darkness

Our broken-heart pieces are stored
On shelves high out of reach
Childish hopes and dreams
Have long since given up
Trying to believe
They will ever learn to walk

I cannot see their eyes, but their faces haunt me at night.

I have never felt the touch of their lips, but I can never forget their hands.

Love is a fickle thing and if you aren't brave enough, it won't hang around.
I learned through loss that courage has nothing to do with what you have.

8-year-olds who don't check under the bed have courage.
17-year-olds who know how to say "No" have courage.
Mothers without husbands have courage.

Love wants us to be courageous.
She asks a lot because she will never give up;

Broken hearts come from people giving up on her.

She’s the kind of beautiful that made
Narcissus self-conscious in the first place

She captures the world on film
I capture her on my memory
I wouldn’t mind if I used
all the film I had on her

Her smile tells you it’s OK
To be yourself
Because we all doubt ourselves
Undeservedly

Walking in the night with her is
The most illuminating experience
I’ve never had my own sun
To revolve around

Being her reason to laugh makes me consider
Betrayal to the beauty of silence

i am a flat line drum line
begging for a beat to feel alive
silence makes me lose rhythm
i must endure myself to survive

I felt
like I had to be cautious
Because the crunch of every footstep
Was going to wake a sleeping giant
Kind of like when I coughed all night
As a kid
Mother was going to have to take care of me
From dusk till dawn
Sometimes people are worth more than sleep
I felt
Like that wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen
It’s been so long since I felt the embrace
Of someone who really wanted to be there
I felt
Like I was finally home
The snow was a blanket that wasn’t cold
And I gratefully snuggled in
The sun was my brother
Showing me a better way
Out of the darkness
I felt
At peace in a torrential world
All of my pieces could finally find a place
I could fit them together
In way that doesn’t make me second guess
Everything I see in the mirror
I felt
I could finally figure out how to be on my own
Like being on my own wasn’t so bad
Because I didn’t feel alone
Despite no having anyone around
I felt
It’s possible to find a purpose
Even without a home, without family or friend
I felt
I could find a purpose that came from within
I felt
Something
That changed everything
Because it’s been so long
Since I felt
Anything
At all