This was a handwritten letter that wasn’t patient enough to wait in the mail. I am a supporter of writing letters.

Our world is drifting from the simplicity of pen and paper. We love to complicate things in life.

I hope this letter can be a simple reminder that there is happiness and hope, even in darkness that reminds you of ink.

The first time I saw you my mind raced to memories of summer days at the beach; campfires; the sound of the ocean.

I thought, “She has no idea how beautiful she is. It doesn't cross her mind that girls envy her and men desire her. She is too concerned with the sound of laughter, and how it makes the darkness step back.”

I make a lot of assumptions, mostly unjustified, about people I cross paths with. But I am sure you are justified in feeling like royalty. You look like happiness.

A fort in the living room that looks like a castle, and cookie dough that tastes like heaven. If the opportunity crosses my path, I would give anything to meet you.

If you walked in front of me, I would think you were a shooting star and make a wish.

Don’t change. Shine unapologetically. You illuminate the humans around you.

Admittedly, the desire to write this letter is still unknown. The desire is there and so here are the words.

Between a baby's first word
And a deathbed confession
There are plenty of times
For God to say,
“I told you so.”

There are too many people
With smiles outshining
Their hearts
When did it become acceptable
To say foul things
As long as we brushed our teeth
Instead of being good people
Even in ***** clothes

Laughter is the only sound
That is strong enough
To cover to pain
That never gives in
When the music stops
And the blinds pulled down
Pain stretches his legs
All over my heart

The light is too shy to dance with their breath.
Shivering German roads love the massage of Jewish feet.
If only the Angles weren’t too busy with me;
Tommy called me dumb and I needed God’s help.

Not even a pocket full of posies can scent moldy dreams.
24 is too young to give up, but old enough to be tired of fighting.
Our future has seen too many yesterdays to wait for tomorrow.
The world holds life together by thin threads we’re too eager to cut.

She pulls the curtain
Self-consciously her head bows
Standing ovation

Love like the sun
Loves the earth
Ever since they met
They dance every day

The sun makes the earth
Look on the brighter side
The earth gives the sun
A reason to wake up

Love like the earth
Loves the sun
Because the earth isn’t distracted
By the stars and the moon

Sometimes the crayon breaks in the middle of your drawing
That doesn't mean you stop; blend your sun-rays into skylines
You'll look like Van Gogh seeing
Setbacks as opportunities to find
Beauty you never would have thought to look for

I look to the stars
As if I will make their
Acquaintance
I look to you
As if you weren’t
Bright enough

As the sun comes up
And I say goodbye
To my dreams
Reality reminds me
You’re always with me

I cannot see their eyes, but their faces haunt me at night.

I have never felt the touch of their lips, but I can never forget their hands.

Love is a fickle thing and if you aren't brave enough, it won't hang around.
I learned through loss that courage has nothing to do with what you have.

8-year-olds who don't check under the bed have courage.
17-year-olds who know how to say "No" have courage.
Mothers without husbands have courage.

Love wants us to be courageous.
She asks a lot because she will never give up;

Broken hearts come from people giving up on her.

Tonights stars look like bubbles
In a glass of champaign,
Like the world got drunk
On all the dreams we didn't chase

Stormy weather is God's way of saying we could have done better
Or tried harder
The sound of breathing is just the rhythm
Undoing all the potential I used to have
I hide under my covers hoping that my fears
Are as afraid of the dark as I am
My smile is just the curve of the lies I tell myself
“Everything is going to be okay, one day.”
I might be sleeping two hours a day
And that’s a long time
To be with someone you don’t like and doesn’t like you back
Or maybe it’s because I’m scared of what my self-concise might tell me
In my dreams
The alarm clock that illuminates my room reminds me
I’m not on time for being myself.
I missed being who I wanted to be
A few years ago
And I haven’t caught up
It reminds me of how far I have to go and how little time I have left
Sometimes I have to let a tear fall, to remind myself
I’m alive
Every day I memorize my name
So it wouldn’t sound weird as I talk to myself in the mirror
I want my name to sound like something I can be proud of
We are our own heroes and until we realize our strength
We’ll bend at the knee to heed the directions of people
who know us less than we know ourselves
It seems impossible because when I cry I have to no idea why
When I laugh I don’t understand that
I’m the joke
Like a clown without makeup
Like the girl sitting in the back of class: self-conscious about her bad hair day
I love the mess because it’s how I really feel and at least
She’s brave enough to embrace it and face it.
I simply hide behind my shower curtain of indulgence and cowardice
Unfortunately, I’m not very fast and my problems are catching up
I’m throwing up my hands in shackles
Limiting my ability to wipe my tears
After 23 years I understand we’re all kids in adult clothing
Trying to fill our baggy pants with our own pride and big egos
We have neck ties of lies we tell others to fell a little bigger
Stripped down to loose shorts we con show the tattoos of humility
We weren’t ready to show
And unable to let go
Make it through the night and look outside
The sunrise is simply God’s interpretation of what our dreams may have looked like
He does it because we can’t remember the details

I am living on my own
I am better suited in a community
I haven’t had reason to use my voice
Since she stopped talking to me

On sunny days I go out
Hoping someone will talk to me
Even if it’s just,
“What the hell are you looking at?”
Staring is awkward

But I could say,
“I see you,”
Like when we play peek-a-boo
With infants
Before we forgot what laughter
Was supposed to sound like
Now laughter sounds like my voice
Silence.

I just want to answer a question
Which wasn’t posed by myself
Remember the line about
"We were all meant to shine
Like children do,
Because the glory of God is in each of us?"
Well sometimes I think
The glory of God
Looks too much like Seattle in springtime
Overcast and drizzly

His glory is in us
But we don’t let it out
Because of how scared we are
Of seeing ourselves in the light
Mistakes are masked
In the dust and darkness

Our broken-heart pieces are stored
On shelves high out of reach
Childish hopes and dreams
Have long since given up
Trying to believe
They will ever learn to walk

We are perfected through struggle.
Like sunrises after hollow nights.

You have to get up; try again.

Because even the sun has thought,
"I am too weak to stand,"

And rose anyway.

You shine brighter than the sun, even on a perfect summer day.

I would have said so many things to you
But the words were too heavy
And my voice isn't strong enough
I managed, "I'll see you again"

We are not heavy.
Nothing in this life needs to be heavy
God was not a Mason, moving heavy brick
God was an artist, painting weightless strokes
Every second we had together was a stroke of God
On perfect canvas

The story of our lives cannot be contained on the pages between two covers
Sometimes the stories need space and more ink
She would fill an entire book

I would give up shooting stars
And making wishes
Because I had everything
And traded it for anything, which wasn't her
We all make mistakes; we all have our sins
But what would you give
To start it again

So I use my shooting stars to bless her life
I use my magic moments to ask for our life
To not be separated too long
Because that was the hardest goodbye

In our tears, I could hear
Her whispering profanities
Waves of my gratitude
For who she taught me to be
"You're such an *******," she said
And I know how she feels
How can goodbye be something that's real?
Our book is not done
There's more to be said
So instead of "The End"
"I'll see you again."

I want to memorize
The movement of her lips
As if they were a three-word
poem

You're the only one
who could defeat you
And you do it everyday
Like you've been training
To be the boxer
And you are your only
Punching bag

Her name sounds a lot like my prayers.
I know she can’t hear them,
But God pays attention to the things that make us happy.

When she looks into the sky to marvel at stars,
She has no idea that every star is staring back at her.
They shine brightly because she brings out the best in us.

Her smile has never solved any problems.
It makes every problem an opportunity.
Like how love can finally set you free.

If we were together, time would stop.
Father Time would fumble his watch faster than he dropped his jaw.
If we were together, the world would break.
Mother Nature would be explosively jealous of her beauty.

My heart was accustomed to living in pieces.
I don’t bother with doctors because they can’t cure soul-mate separation.
When she came along she didn’t try to change me.
Piece by piece, she put me back together.

She told me she feels empty when we aren’t talking.
As if my words are raindrops that make a difference in the ocean of her soul.
I commit all of her words to memory.
As if I could nail myself to every T, and be closer to making a memorable sacrifice.

If I spent my entire life try to deserve her,
I might save enough to glance at her smile.

In case I die tonight, I want you to be my last thought.
My last word deserves to be your name, whispered on
My last breath, only audible for God to hear.
Death might be waiting patiently for me.
There is nothing else I can imagine dying for

Do not be afraid of your bad days.
They can be shadows if you let them
Or just an umbrella that you can throw away to see the sun
The bad days will always come
Sometimes, one right after another.
Time will pass regardless of your attitude.
Every day will end.
So let them pass, seeing you with a smile on your face.
Let the people around you bring out your best self.
You might be tempted to hate.
Do not hate.
Be creative and explore.
If you can't explore the earth, explore yourself
And develop yourself.
Do not be afraid to be different and be unique.
There is no mold you must fit in to
If you find you do, you probably need to change something.
God made you differently from any other human.
Embrace bad days
Make the most of them

If your mind were a book,
I'd memorize every page.

I sit on a swing
Unstable and free
I slide through the air
No one notices me

I sit on a swing
With a noose on my neck
The seat falls out
My life was a wreck

They put up a swing
To remember me by
The swing never swings
Their act was a lie

The tree crushed the swing
They cut that ***** down
My memory is gone
But my ghost is around

When you press your ear to my chest
Checking the life of my heart
I hope you can hear
What I was too afraid to say
"I love you," killed me
Because nothing is worth dying for
Quite like love
We're all going to die

You’re the singer standing in front
Of a standing ovation
Trying to hide behind a microphone
Because you cannot comprehend
How bright you are
Actually shining

Certain people have come to understand
That they have a soul
Don’t write me off because I’m a ginger
I still know what I’m talking about
That’s why words are important to me
If you read what someone wrote
You are reading what their soul would say
If it had any other way
So when I came across your Story
I fell in love
Your soul was written for me to read
I read everything
Twice
And then a third
Interrupted by pictures and songs
That only added to my amazement
I love you and I know you
I have never seen you or met you
Your taste in music lets me know
Your cooking would always have the right amount of salt
Taking you on a date that isn’t trying
To prove anything more than
“I like you and want to make you happy,”
Is something I will suffer through in my dreams
I like that you are intelligent
A well-spoken soul who has read a book or two
You know what you want to do
And what you might fall back on
Without defeating other people’s dreams
I would be willing to share mine with you
And I hoped you could take my dreams
Tie them to the clouds and
Be brave enough to come along for the ride
The corners of your eyes tell me enough
Of the doubt you have in promises and good intentions
Your written soul proclaims the faith
To trust again and risk everything
Because sometimes you don’t know you know until
You know you never knew
So know that I know that I never knew until
I came across you
I don’t drive trucks, but I will cook for you
And give you book suggestions
I would fit my heart into a picnic basket
Set us down in fresh-cut grass on a quilted blanket
I would see the world as the sun reflected in your eyes
And I might even get a chance to see
What you might see in me
Probably a little awkward, I would lead us through conversations
Of family and friends – and how we don’t talk to some of the people we love the most
We all have people we should move to speed dial to make it easier
When the breeze picks up, take my jacket
I would ask you about your life and the scars you have
So I can know
In perfect detail
Why your soul set mine alive

It only takes
a
pinprick
to shatter
your entire heart.

I give her my jacket knowing when she’s gone
It will still smell like her hugs

Putting my arm around her shoulders is more honest
Than when I raise my arm to the square

I don’t know where she is going in life
But I wouldn’t mind if it were the same place I was

The wind blows silently when she is speaking
Because even the flowers want to listen

If her smile were a disease, I would gladly infect myself
Especially if there were no vaccine

My chest is an air mattress when her head rests against it
I don’t mind when it deflates, brining her a little closer

Even in the winter I can smell fresh-cut grass
And it brings back memories I wish she were a part of

If I were made of mirror, when she looked at me
She might understand why I stare

I will die.

In order to authentically die, you must live authentically. Some live so casually that death is not their end. They fade. They leave. Death must be an honor, not a fate.

My life will be proof in my death.

I loved my family first. I allowed them to continually conquer my heart and time. My affections were used on them and not the things my coffin refuses to contain.

The opportunities we are granted will be on our last breath. Confirming we were successful at taking them, or full of regret and bitterness.

There is no need for resolutions or bucket lists. Today is my life. I plan to make it count. God and I are the only mathematicians to this equation.

Our life is amplified by our death.

If an artist wants to make money, they best thing they can do is die. (Jackson, Shakur, Leonardo, Twain, Lewis, etc.)

I am not particularly excited for death. I am not morbid. But if I have to go through it, I’ll make my life worth it.

We go through H E L L (life)
To get to H E A V E N *(death)

If her smile were a disease,
I'd gladly infect myself.

Wife,
        That’s a term I have been waiting to use for my entire life. I wasn’t always the best at searching for you. I was young and mildly ambitious growing up; other things got in the way because I never knew how much I could love you.
        If only I had known.
        I’ve told you most of my stories: my days playing sports, the endless reading list I had at my bedside table, and the sleepless nights thinking I would never find you.
        I’m eternally grateful that God allowed our paths to cross at that bookstore – how ironic that I was looking for books about love and I found you.
        My life taught me to question and second-guess many things: marriage, relationships, and the future.
        I had let my doubts and expectations reach into my pockets of hope and faith, stealing my motivation to succeed.
        Some would say I was justified in being a stoic.
        Not you.
        Before I met you, I was full of silly ideas and visions of how the world was. Those things – doubt, disappointment, failure – may be in the world, but they don’t define the world.
        Or me.
       I’m glad I questioned what was shinning so bright in a dimly lit bookstore. I’m glad I saw you.
        Holding a flashlight.

Always,
Yours

If you asked nicely
My shoes would whisper
Stories of the horizons you
Have yet to meet

Another year will take my hand
Last year left me
Long before December cold
Arctic soul in summertime
2014 is God’s gift to humanity
We weren’t supposed to survive
Past two years ago
We waste away in our victors time
Complacency robs your family
Of love, affection, compliments
And life
On gifted time from the divine
Don’t resolve to do this or that
"Work out three times a week"
"Stop drinking soda"
"Brush my teeth one more time a day"
Do not wait to make your change
Set your life correct today
In the modern society
The right is replaced with the easy
The easy job, the easy life
Step back and look with eyes
Blurred by tears of future regret
That easy never won
A single thing except for
******* misery
Be a hero, it’s in your bones
To save a life, even your own

If I could be your world, I would let your travel all over me.
We could visit galaxies, or simply look at stars.
If you could be my creature, I would fill your needs.
You would rule the world, and all my sights to see.
I'll bring you air, the sun and skies - to see a little clearer.
And an off-white moon to see your smile shine.
If I could be your world, I would be your everything.

It was like looking at the sun
Not that she was abnormally bright
Or beautiful
She was gorgeous like so many others
but she was different like none
I had seen before
Her eyes told me how strong she was
She knew pain and heartbreak
Embraced by galaxies and milky ways
Swirling on cloud of cream
In her morning coffee
Her nose told stories of adventure
She knew the rush of wind too fast
Hurricanes in beating hearts
Faster, stronger, higher
Than cloud nine where she stored her smile
I read poetry in her hair
Left undone with such care
Flannel sheets at Christmas time
Seeing her is all I need
It was not like looking at the sun
She was brilliant like twinkling lights
Only I could see
As the world looked mindlessly
Beyond

It’s okay to be alone
To stand on your own

Even when standing means
kneeling with arms throwing
prayers to God
Even when standing means sitting
and looking through memories
in photographs
Even when standing means crying
making yourself lighter in the tears
floating away
Even when standing means stepping
and putting one foot in front
to brace your desire of
moving on

It’s okay to be together
With hands held tight

Except when hands are swords
thrown more carelessly
than insulting words
Except when hands are lies
beckoning false hope to set up
camp in broken homes
Except when hands are eyes
pulled away by naked screens
crushing bones and hearts
Except when hands are pocketed
because being together
isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

It's okay to be brave.

I dive in without checking there's water in
the pool.

What would heaven look like
if you held
it
in your hands?

The subway air feels like pudding. It's thick, and as clingy as water. When you take a shower at night - and you should always take a shower at night, unless you want to sleep with the city - you can feel the air instantly liquify and drain away.

The memories leave marks on your skin, if you let them. The bruises on your sides from bumping unique people;  the cut on your head from hitting a pole; the ache in your heels from walking too far. You're experiences hang on your skin, and shine through your eyes.

New York is unique because of her variety. She's strong because of her diversity. She grows because of her adaptability. New York is a jungle of human-animals trying to survive.

The smell of opportunity is stronger than the potent *** of other smells: the *****, rodent-infested tracks, frequent homeless sleeping quarters, grungy, old costumes on Times Square.

She is life; she is alive.

If you're alone or together you are always a part - a piece that makes it what it is. Without you the city survives. She has, and will. But without you, she's not what she is with you. Even if she tried.

People flow trough her streets as uniquely as blood runs through your veins. The heart orchestrates the motion, while the blood does the dance. she lives and breaths through each person's lungs. Each one arrives for a particular reason - even if for no reason at all. Our arrival helps her breath.

The anticipation before arriving in New York - not the Big Apple, no one calls it that - is enough to deprive a voyager of sleep on incoming flights. Even at 11:45 p.m. The jungle of buildings, built in perfect chaos testifies someone saw the bigger picture. A person may only see a foot, or a year in front of their face. New York saw far ahead, and high above.

Everyone is welcome. Some never leave. Permanently or temporarily, New York will take you in as long as you stay. She may hold on a little too long.

Amazing how great
the
p  i  e  c  e  s
of a
b  r  o  k  e  n
heart weigh

Van Gogh painted the
Famous Starry Night
Through eyes blurred by tears
Because he and God
Both got it just right

Under shooting stars
I blinked away my tears
Because I and God
Cast away my fears

In the light of night
The moon will take your hand
Because you and God
Are co-authors of your plan

Sometimes the light
isn't at the end of a tunnel
Because you're stuck
in a hole
You dug to rock bottom
looking up you see the sky
Out of reach
Without hope
Darkness creeps
it doesn't run
Rock bottom
Is the best place
To build again
With recycled materials
from broken dreams
Sewn together with
Your own heartstrings
So looking up
is looking forward
Make the climb
And see the light

Heaven won't

be full of people
who simply


avoided hell.

Break down the walls
Surrounding you

Using them as bridges

When I was 16 I almost drowned
I swallowed enough water to sink
Any ambitions to become a sailor
The water tasted a lot like my pride
It left an after taste bitter enough
To humble a King

What we take from the world
Is simply a reflection of
Who we are inside
If you feel like the sun is avoiding you
Like your ex-girlfriend
Then visit the dentist and make your smile
Bright enough to get by
The crowded streets of downtown
Aren’t filled with inept *******
Just you, who isn’t willing to see
That everyone has pain in their eyes
No matter how well they disguise
Their recent demise with ties and lies
Bought online

We fall into the chasm of doubt
That high-fives gravity because
They got you to fall
Change who you are and you’ll
Literally change your world
Because everything reflects
Our character instead of our appearance
Except for cursed glass that
Became a mirror

When you’re tempted to doubt
The goodness of life
Remember that life is what you make it
When God writes your conclusion
To your life’s dissertation
It will simply be a story
Of the dreams you had the courage
To chase

You have nothing to fear
Not even fear itself
Because you are the owner
Of happiness and peace
Enough for yourself if you’re
Willing to share

When I was 16 I almost drowned
I was resuscitated and spit out
My pride and coughed up my ego
To breath in the world
Through unbiased purity
Now I can finally see
I left that ignorant part of me
To fend for himself
I was never a good swimmer

Darkness after lighting
Silence after thunder

Nothing compared to
Heartbreak after you

I am not fireproof
Be careful how you burn me

With your words of hate
Torch my clothes of confidence
Hiding my insecurity

With your words of ignorance
That singe the self-esteem
I've been building for years

Hot as hell, words are more powerful
than sticks or stones.

Words can save a life in the
furnace of friendship.

Words can destroy a life with the
wildfire of loose tongues.

She’s the kind of beautiful that made
Narcissus self-conscious in the first place

She captures the world on film
I capture her on my memory
I wouldn’t mind if I used
all the film I had on her

Her smile tells you it’s OK
To be yourself
Because we all doubt ourselves
Undeservedly

Walking in the night with her is
The most illuminating experience
I’ve never had my own sun
To revolve around

Being her reason to laugh makes me consider
Betrayal to the beauty of silence

all the mothers
     strong enough
          to be a father too.

We can be just like
gravity and water,
Helping each other find
the easiest way to
*happily ever after