I'll show you we had a spark
Even if I have to burn us down

“Hell…”
You didn’t let me finish my greeting
But I suppose I’m a prophet
Because I described how I’m now feeling

she laughs
like a chandelier
that could outshine the
sun

My heart is a tomb I sealed with a stone
I am patiently waiting for resurrection
But the last year has been the longest three days of my life
As I keep waiting for heaven I can't stop thinking of hell
And wonder, if this wasn't like when Lucifer fell
He left the presence of God with his plan in hand
Thinking, "if only they'd understand"
Now he lurks in my mind
hiding in shadows
My candle-lit lanterns aren't bright enough to expel all of my doubts
So I bare before congregations the shouts of my belief
Like I believe i'm worth all the effort of this plan
Like God's arm doesn't tire from always extending his hand
Like there's something better than a sealed-tomb heart
On the morning of resurrection I wonder what I'll see
I wonder what I'll be
Because being me feels like darkness grew legs
I've been walking around casting shadows, mixing white and black
On a paint palate and leaving the world grey
I've nothing of value to say
so the world is a little more bleak
People are tired of my grey streak across their life portraits
Of goals and dreams and even accepted realities
Like they stopped praying to God for a miracle because those don't fit in routine
Being average doesn't cost as much effort
But I'm willing to pay
Even if I have to scrape and save every penny of self-praise
I will give it all I've got, I've got time
Because my heart is a tomb waiting for resurrection
And I'm sure any cost will be worth perfection

1.     I really tried
2. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough
3. Why did I always think everything was about me?
4. You were my angel
5. My demons were too strong
6. I never look people in the eyes because I'm afraid they'll see through my windows and see that there's not light inside
They'll see my secret pain
The monsters gain
Persuasion in the argument
If I should live or die
7. The mask wasn’t supposed to stay on forever but people seemed to like it better than my sadness and sadness doesn’t always cooperate with my plans. Like sometimes sadness just wants to stretch his legs across my face leaving traces that look like tired eyes and furrowed brows. Sadness, like water, will take the path of least resistance from the world to heart and back. Self-endulgend, sadness begs for hosts without every bothering to host the party because sadness doesn’t mind if he overstays his welcome.
8. I was 17 when he died, it has been eight years
9. If I can't win the fight to stay
If I lose and go my way
I have to believe things will be OK
Because your grief won't come
From the fact that I am gone
Maybe you'll think about what
We could have done to better get along
10. You won’t often think of me
So let me go, let me be free
Your mind is the sun
Confidence and clean
11. My mind is a terror
That doesn't deal in dream
In years to come, perhaps
You think of us
A memory we shared
12. I wish I let you in and feel a connection
Isolationist tendencies are decidedly not the best strategy
So my island is a prison
Not a blessed reclusion from the judgments of my mental illness
I'm simply in denial to any sickness at all

I always feel like running away
Taking the next flight to anywhere
Because maybe depression is something
That will be confiscated in security
It’s more life threatening than
Any 3 oz. of liquid