I don't regret the ring
I don't regret the promise
It showed me my truth.

Take me back
To the night we met
The laziest night
I clutched my phone in my hand, staring at the address..hoping this is it
Praying for safety
I softened when I saw you, in washed out blue jeans and that scraggly hair you hadn't cut
In my mind I fast forward to your powder blue sheets

The 2 foot distance between us and the tension growing as I felt a new type of panic
Of actual, genuine, physical attraction that was reciprocated

I tried to ignore everytime you smiled at me and looked at my lips, I had to maintain my hardness

And then you uttered 'im sorry, I talk so much when I'm really nervous"

And I asked you why?

And I knew why

And then the music ceased.

you turned it on, and turned to me

You mumbled on about feeling flustered and feeling fearful of the moment where you'd lean in to kiss me

And we leaned in closer and then I just remember it so clearly.

The smiling between kisses, the way you said my giggles were sweet as you planted more kisses along my neck as I couldn't contain the pleasure that I felt from each soft kiss

Our bodies wrapped together, I was limitless and unashamed as I delicately undressed and your hands ran across my body and your lips did and I exhaled sharply as I began to notice the sensations of lips on lips and lips on skin and neck and back and chest

We did separate a few times, but you caressed my arms and rubbed my thighs and pulled me in to kiss me again ..

From hour one to hour two until 1 in the morning, we shared intimacies and laughs and sweetness and inexperience

I was free when I was most exposed and you cherished each part of me that I shared with you

You .... waited

I understand so clearly now that there was never an ulterior motive

There was never anything insidious or lustful or harmful

That this was enough for you
I was enough for you
And that I was perfect to you
"This is ok, this is perfect. I want to just do this with you"
It wasn't 'just this'

It was everything.

When i search for myself
It was found
In others
I craved attention
Like it was my antidote
Want me, need me, kiss me,
Want me, **** me, **** me
You never needed me
I found myself in others
In his blue eyes, in his green ones
In his laugh, in his smile
In his touch, in his mind
With him,
I want me, i need me,
I care for me
So that i may be whole for him
So i can find myself within myself
Not in his stunning blue eyes
Not in his art
Not in his hands
Not on his body
But within myself

I can't wait
For the next moment
Where I draw my fingers across someone's skin
Where I kiss their lips, gliding them acres their soft eyes and nose and down to their neck
Until my hands feel every soft curve and muscle with a delicate touch
Until I feel your breath synchronize with mine
Until I can taste your passion with my tongue
When I feel your hands across my skin, awakening my body in ways I can't do alone
I don't know who you'll be
But I can't wait