The water is so clear,
Every night brings breathtaking skies,
The white sand on the beach
And the warmth of the sun
It’s paradise.
At least not without you, ***;
You’re too far out of reach
I miss the sparkling of your eyes
*wish you were here.

With the sunlight filtering in,
Yellow on yellow walls,
Shining on the green bedspread,
And the various shades of pink,
It all seems too happy.

You woke up smiling,
Went to the kitchen to make a coffee
Whistling a show tune,
In harmony with the birds singing outside,
Where is this place?

Feeling so little, without a care,
As though it’s in a dream,
Violence is extinct,
In a world bathing in happiness,
How would you survive?

Because I want to be better

Because I know what I want to do
and
how to do it

Because I am sick and tired of doing nothing
and
getting nothing

Because I can be better

Because I am not better

Because for too long
I have sat aside thinking that fate will take care of me

Because fate has not
and
I should’ve known better

Because I want to be better
I will be better
no matter what

Because

ah yes,
the crush

that festering,
infected,
growth
on your heart
that,

right now,

seems small
and
innocent
and
peaceful

but give it time

it will grow

increasing in size
and power until
you can’t deny it;
like genghis khan
knocking on the door
of those pompous,
Abbasid emperors
of a thousand years
ago

then you’ve lost
you can’t fight it
you don’t even want too
you just want to love,
to hug,
to caress,
to kiss,

her.

and then it all comes crashing down with a simple

no

but you know
what they
say:

“it’s only a crush”

and boy
how right they
are

you cannot comprehend how much you will care

how badly it will hurt
how terribly you will want to die

even if you’ve known it before
to feel it again
will burn ten times worse
than you ever remember it

you will hate yourself for it
and worst of all
you could’ve stopped it
too

but then,
perhaps,
maybe it is
out of our control,
maybe it’s not magic,
or special,
or grand,
and it's best to smile about
the fact that it’s just you,
nothing else,
that caused these events
and now,
*this.

My heart knows you see the stars I paint in our sky
That you have given each one a name
No words do you ever have to speak of them
I can tell you know they are there
By the look I always see
In your eyes

You never have to tell me that you adore my moon
That sings out to your sun each day
My heart knows we both carry the same tune
And that you understand
All the things
I say

My heart knows you hear the sweet music I make
Even if I cannot hear you singing along
That you have memorized each and every take
Your heart is never off key
Because, you know
My song

All the stars that I paint in our sky shine for you
My heart shines the same
The sweet music I make you make with me too
When you give these stars
I paint in our sky
A name

I hate everything today
It makes me sick
I hate the things I've done,
The life I lived
The people I've abandoned
And those who've
abandoned me
I hate failing everytime I
               get so close
Something always happens
That keeps me locked at home
I hate that you never came
Never even bothered to
Show your face
I hate being left behind
No choice but quiet rage
  raging pain
I want to make it go away
But it consumes me
  And I
   hate.

All that I succeed at
Is making people turn
       their backs
I'm more than flawed, I know
I've got my share of evil pasts
But all I'm doing
     is stumbling through life
I can't see straight
And I hate
  all this strife.

What is it with this fatal attraction
For my soul that’s what it is
I have tried hard to ignore it
And not always give in

Erase you from my heart and mind
To be free from you at last
But every time you’re near
I simply have no chance

What is it about you
Keeps me wanting more
Your eyes mesmerize me
And pull me into your world

Your body makes my pulse race
I undress you with my eyes
I wish it were just physical
I’d have walked away by now

I love the way your mind works
Even if I don’t always understand
You make me think about things
That I never have before

The way you make me smile
And the way you make me laugh
Is just another of your facets
That keeps me coming back

I love the way you accept me
Like it’s ok to be myself
I let my guard down around you
And I take off my many masks

You seem to understand me
Even with all my many quirks
You even seem to tolerate me
When I’m acting like a *****

There’s so much more about you
That I just can’t find the words
To tell all the reasons
That you're driving me  berserk

That’s why I keep staring at you
With such passion in my eyes
You're my fatal attraction
And that I can’t deny.

I stood in the sun
and thought of you
and of my junebug heart.
It clings on, unshakable,
even after it’s death.

And you like that about me,
my junebug heart that is.
You think you have one too.
I know that you don’t.
Yours is fleeting.