i wish i could coat my hand in paint
and leave the print of it on every wall
in London.

then there wouldn't be a place you could go
or a wall you could lean on
without

holding
my
hand.

We could have gone to lunch today,
We could have talked a while.
You could have explained the pain away.
And I could have made you smile,
because it would all be alright.

You should have come to see me
I would have made things right.
Could have, should have, would have,
So close and yet so far.
Now we're both alone tonight...

*But I have your guitar.

It should be you,
Inescapably,
Who walks with me at night through
Empty country lanes,
Shouting and screaming into the sky,
Distressing doddery old men,
And quiet little kids,
Who, sleeping in warm and glowing cottages, will know us,
Transitory,
Burning, Flickering.

It should be you who
Squeals with laughter
Down nostalgic pathways in the dark
By the playground.
And sliding, spinning, flying,
Like sweet precious things in the moonlight.
Pale skin fluorescent,
Eyes shining and full-toothed smiles
Gleaming,
Young and bright.

It should be you,
Surely,
Who runs with me on
Pale, white, wet sands.
Hearts pumping and blood racing,
Coursing through our veins and
Now down and rolling in the reeds,
Tussle, fight and wrestle
Kicking up sand to the moon,
Floating, falling.

It should
Be you,
Who perching on a rock towards the sea,
With foreheads met and hair whipping
In the wind,
Who tilts your head and takes on red lip against
Red lip
And eternally and endlessly
That night would have been
Ours.

An atrophic fold in the waist -
A victim of Consumption.
An entropic mind is a waste,
And wasting away alone, I lie still
Over the sheets, naked.
The dystrophic limbs,
pins and needles and numb lips,
All the lonely night can be is the stave-off of sleep
And the starving of self -
From my eyes my spirit leaps,
But tonight, time is set, and fate is set,
And my face is set for spirit’s rest.

Help me, before I fall apart,
I need you to stay okay,
So I don't jump this moving train,
The clock ticks, and I lose myself,
Beats drop, and I sullenly fall,
If you hit the ground,
It feels that I'll hit beneath it,

Oh you've got me, painting the walls with blood,
It's like the crows keep leaving my head,
As if it's a simple corpse left to rot,

One, two, three four. Despair.
It's a little little melody, seeping through the cracks.
Do you leave the lost and dead behind,
Will you leave me here, screaming with desperate pleas,
I beg you, don't leave me behind, but if you do,
Take my breaths away, they are too much,
I am afraid, afraid that these lungs,

These lungs are filled with all the breath they want,
They sigh, and ask for no more, linger the last quick breaths,
Swallow this pride, and swallow these goodbyes,
Let go of these hands, grasping empty air,

Hello, did you have anything you wanted to say,
I am this nothing, swimming under the currents,
Or maybe I'm just drifting, without breath,
Turning this water into red,

Break these ribs, one by one, and see what's behind them,
This cage holds little, I am no delicacy,
A simple question, if you'll let me be,

A shovel and a box, and a stone left above me.

Am I alive,
Or just a simple life,
These veins are seeping,
With every beat of this heart,

Tear me apart, and feel this ink leave stains,
Wake up in this hospital bed,
White washed walls, and a constant,
Rainy day in the back of my head,

My hands are empty, I keep grabbing the air,
It feels like I'm tied down,
And I wonder what's keeping me here,

The beeps from that machine, the stutters,
That quick speech and how it slows down,
It seems to say what my mind tries not to think,
As I search for something, and find my palm,
My hand tightening as I try to hold what's not there,

Has this become my home, my heart is here,
Though I seem to forget that it beats, it beeps,
It's just a muscle now, not a messanger of any sort,


I'm beginning to wonder if you read the paper,
And not just headlines, all of the paper,
If you'd remember a name, and who's it was,
If maybe you'd spend a day, or even half of one,
With that name and that person in your head,

I'm beginning to wonder if I can be a part of your life,
Stop these beats, and vacate this room,
Leave that machine with one last sigh, a long sigh,
I hope you read the paper,
More specifically,
The memorials.

I’ll stay alone,

My eyes twist and twitch,
From place to place,
From this beauty to that
Beauty to the next beautiful ugly thing,
And my smile irritates me,
As much or more than any other matter,
I left you when you loved it,
The noisy smile, not far from my eyes,
Yet lately so far from sight,
I hate to hear it and the memories
It recalls, so I drown myself
In half smiles and music,

A few shots for the flu,
A shot or two, and a note
Signed and spattered with truth,
Countless shots to forget you were mine,

So many people say the worst goodbyes,
Are the ones never said,
I can’t help but dissagree,

Tell me you aren’t coming back,
Say this isn’t really goodbye,
Let me know it’s just, bye.
So many people say the worst goodbyes,

Tattoo with a paint brush,
It’s a curious thing,
It seems so many have tattoed
Strokes of thought upon me.
And you’ve peeled back flesh and bone,
To lay black ink upon my heart,

I’ll drink up shadows,
And the red of my veins,
Let the black fill my arteries,

And drink away another day, in memory of your name.

Tell me,
Oh won't you please,
What makes you tick,
What makes you talk,
I just wanna hear your voice,
A word or two to tell me,
How to get through to you,
I'll be there,
And I'll be anywhere or everywhere,
For you, and I've a stone tall heart,
Something you can lean on,
So flick your hair to one side,
Or another, and lick your scarlet lips,
I'm here to stay, and I'm here to go,
Anywhere,
If you'd like me,
If you want me,
If you need me.

Part 1

The sky is pitch black
Night wears her dress of black
Is very pretty.

Velvet is her dress
With stars like sparkling crystals
She is so pretty.

A faint sunset hangs
In the beautiful black night
How pretty it is!

Sometimes she wears dark
Midnight blue in the night sky
I really love her.

I love seeing her
Every night when I sit
In my chair and look

Look at her Beauty
She is a dear fine lady
She is my dear friend.

Midnight is my friend
One of the closest I have
We get along well.

I danced through her Night
Se watched me all along while
I danced through the Night.

She watched me her black
Eyes full of pretty wonder
I love her so much.

*~Marian~