To break old habits
is the seed of change,
but to sprout, it requires the
fortitude of the sun.

It's impossible
to lose anything when all
you have is in you

10:50  PM
31/8/22

'It is what it is',
so you had better find a
way to live with it

5:17 PM
30/8/22

It has taken me too long
to realize that you aren't coming back.
At first I thought you would eventually
miss me like I miss you-
that you would constantly check your phone
as I check mine,
but it was never you.
I spent all this time waiting for you,
trying to remember the memories,
the way you made me feel,
while you spent all this time
falling in love with
someone else.
It pained me see the two of you,
perhaps it always will,
but at least I know now that
you are not coming back.
Indeed, you had not thought about me
that way I still thought about you
but rather, it was as you never loved me at all,
as if I had never existed.
It's time to begin the process
of letting go.

I never did stop
loving you, I just learnt to
do it in silence

1:16 AM
28/8/22

You said forever
but you did not mention just
how short it would be

1:12 AM
28/8/22

I still daydream about you,
and I feel my soul jump for JOY
from country to country to chase you.
The smile you put on my face
as wide as the space between us
when we are not together.  
I can still feel this JOY
through that space-
it fills me up like a cup of matcha
on all those nippy nights without you.
What a miracle it was
to have crossed paths with you-
a bright star in what was
an empty void.

Winter goes into hibernation
and spring comes out a little early in August.
Brief but blissful moments of warmth
come and go,
bringing with it,
memories of a love lost long ago.

It's not about what you lose,
it's about what you learned
from what you lose.

Sometimes its best to
forget when remembering
is just too painful

7:52 PM
25/8/22

I had prepared for
this moment as best as I
could but it still hurt

7:27 PM
24/8/22

Today will always
be different to yesterday-
time to start over

4:24 PM
24/8/22

I can make poems
out of all this heartbreak we
cause to each other

7:25 PM
22/8/22

Don't let me close my eyes-
wake me if I do,
even if I am dreaming because
no dream can compare to the one I lay beside.
I want to dream of you
with eyes wide open.

Nobody knows me
the way I'd like to be known-
nobody at all

9:05 PM
21/8/22

Sometimes the person
you want isn't always the
person that you need

9:49 AM
21/8/22

It’s mostly silence and sorrow
between us now.
We’re not lovers anymore,
but we will always have this
miracle between us,
the kind that only angels know
when the heavens glance
upon her celestial face.

I never asked for
any of this. It was all
you. you wanted this.

10:07 AM
14/8/22

There is nothing I can say
to make you want to stay.
Nor will staring at our photographs
or replaying our shared laughs.
Nor will reading your horoscopes
or your old envelopes.
All I can do is to move on
and hope that you are gone.

The night has a way
of stirring the mind and memory.
Silence and shadow dance
to the rhythm of nostalgia
and everyone who held and broke this heart
flash before my my eyes.
Which of them will I take as my muse tonight
as I put pen to paper?
Shall it be the one who hurt me,
the one I loved or the one I thought
I forgot about so very long ago.

You plant memories
into this mind and they bloom
flowers from this heart

8:44 PM
11/8/22

Maybe most relationships fail
because they start as lust.
Maybe the best way to begin is
with appreciation
and friendship.

To move on
is not to find someone new-
to move on
is to have no one
but still love
yourself.

I want to gather all of our love
and plant it into our Earth.
I want to watch what grows
and nurture it with my life.
Only the sweetest flowers will bloom-
they will grow so high that even
the skies will sing their praise.
Let us never stop expanding
this vast garden of love.

In the end,
I had no choice but
to cut the last thread
that sewed us
together.

The page is a mirror
and each word reflects who we are.
These sentences are reflections
of our souls and
it can be euphoric
as it can be painful.

You're a sunflower
and I long to get lost in
your beautiful scent

6:33 PM
5/8/22

I thought I
was tired but
it turns out I just
wanted to dream
about you
again.

We are merely
ordinary beings
curated for the world to see.
Such glimpses into
another's life weaves fantasies
that simply aren't reality.

We spent four years
wounding each other?
Is that love?
Some people would call us mad,
but that's what I just call
life.

I think forgetting
will always be easier
than remembering

9:50 AM
31/7/22

Oh Chai,
you cleanse this soul.
Your warmth rushes through this body
on the way to this frozen heart.
So sweet you are,
I need you every night.
Oh Chai,
it's you that makes me feel alright.

It's late at night,
I don't know what to write.
There's a hint of chai in the air
to chase away the despair.
With Chai as warm as can be,
how could I not feel glee?
I pick up the pen and close my eyes-
it's just me, my Chai
and the night skies.

We fall
for the ones
who ignore us and
we ignore
the ones
who fall for us.
Such is the irony of life.

I couldn't see it,
love had blurred my vision
but the warning signs were
as clear as day.
Then you let me go,
and suddenly,
I could see again but
it was too late.

The discards of a
book wrote together but
never chose to read

4:03 PM
26/7/22

Dear diary;
Once again,
I am shutting myself away
to give myself a chance to heal.
I find nothing but pain and sorrow
outside these walls that
have served me well
too many times
before.

Is 'hollow' an emotion?
It is thought of as feeling nothing,
but isn't that enough to warrant an emotion?
Maybe we need a better word for
what this feeling of hollowness really is-
is it not something we can feel
deep within our gut?
Is there such thing as an
emotionless state of being or
is the only way to achieve that
in death?

Stop offering your
apologies to the knife
wedged deep in your back

10:43 AM
23/7/22

How do I get back
all of this love that I gave
to the wrong people?

7:18 AM
22/7/22

Maybe one day
I will shed the doubt
that you sowed in me
that day you turned away.

Once again,
anxiety blooms
in this mind like
black roses.

The more you
understand someone,
the harder it is
to hate them.

My own mind must be
the biggest thief that I have
ever known

Let spell your name
in the fields and let it
blossom into sunflowers.
Let each stem, each petal
and each root feed on
these warm rays of love.

What was once a mighty continent.
Like the land we shared,
this heart was torn in half.
Now we are but two islands
drifting further away
upon the solitary sea.

Bound
by words
I cannot speak.
Caged
by thoughts
that leave me weak.

All this thinking,
and for what?
Nothing.

Is it really so
hard to believe that I do
deserve happiness?

11:20 PM
20/7/22

Two souls sprouting
like two sunflowers
beneath the sentimental sun.
There are no shadows,
just light and love
and you and I.