I lost count
of how many times
you said "forever".
How many promises
of forever have I heard?
I think I have lost count.
Promises break faster than a
glass heart and I'm tired of
picking up the pieces.

From the beginning,
I knew our time was limited
but that did not stop me from choosing you.
Perhaps I thought and hoped that
the more times we said 'I love you',
the greater the chance that
we would make it.

Though I now may be damaged,
I could never hurt anyone
the way you hurt me.

I don't want to
be your next station,
I want to be your
destination.

If you make a heart
your home then surely you too
will end up homeless

8:10 PM
18/7/22

I truly believe
we would have been happy if
you gave us a chance

3:53 PM
17/7/22

Things don't really end-
they just transform or morph for
better or for worse

11:16 AM
17/7/22

Such irony it is
when I feel lonelier
in your presence
than I do
alone.

You don't have to do
much to make my life smile-
I'll never forget

11:20 AM
2/7/22

Just because I still
dream about you, that does not
mean I want you here

11:13 AM
2/7/22

I am hollow
but full of demons
and nothing more.
I hear their shrieks echo
through this soul and sometimes
it is more than I can take.
Some days are better than others-
some days they do not take the air
out of my lungs and leave me
choking for my sanity.
There is nothing else in me,
not anymore,
just demons and more demons
that swallow me whole.

I want to be in many places
and many times
all at once.
But I am here,
inside me,
inside this reality,
inside this fragment of history
that we cannot escape.

Dear diary;
I think I am starting
to believe in love again.
Each crush feels like the first time
and each kiss melts this heart-
the same stone heart I thought
would never crack again.
Indeed, I think I am ready
for love to destroy me
again.

I wish I had the
ability to touch you
just how you touched me

4:02 PM
30/6/22

I either feel too
much or I don't feel at all-
there is no between

11:58 PM
28/6/22

Dear diary;
I hate to admit that
I am still dependent on
feelings I promised myself I
would no longer feel and
now I punish myself
for it.

Doing what others
do for acceptance is a
form of suicide

4:10 PM
27/6/22

Patience is one of
the softest forms of love that
someone can practice

10:22 AM
26/6/22

Be careful with me,
I tend to believe anything and everything
from those who seem to care.
And at the same time,
I doubt almost every word.
Is this a paradox? Yes.
Is this self-defense or have
my demons convinced me otherwise?
It's both.

Your soul
is a sunflower-
that's why you light up
any room that you enter.
Your light beats to the rhythm of the sun,
a radiance that sparks joy to those
whose eyes are lucky enough
to reflect your light.

You have proved me right-
nothing lasts forever and
you broke that promise

3:55 PM
25/6/22

I have never been
anyone's favorite person-
wouldn't that be nice?

12:00 AM
25/6/22

I do not need death
to enter heaven,
to be by your side is
enough to make me feel
like I'm with an angel.

It is as easy
to feel love and warmth as it
is to feel heartbreak

5:59 PM
23/6/22

I want to get lost
in another country and
forget who I am

2:06 AM
23/6/22

I wonder if you have forgotten me,
if I have withered from your sunflower
like a petal ready to discard?
Do I still cross your mind or
am I a forgotten memory
lost to the winters of time?
I still think about you from time to time-
I guess I have a harder time shedding
these petals I still hold dear
to this sunflower.

Time has a way
of turning people to memory.
The process can manifest
as a wound slowly healing or
a humble nostalgia that you cannot
help but smile when looking back.
In the end, will they leave you smiling
or with another scar to carry?

I may as well just
imagine you the way you
aren't here anymore

5:40 PM
13/6/22

Your silence shrieks throughout me
like a banshee in distress.
It ***** the air from these lungs,
corrupting this heart and
leaving me a hollow shell.
You leave me in turmoil
as you move on to
your next victim.

It was nice
To have the idea
that I had met the living embodiment
of all my dreams and fantasies.
It was doomed from the start
because that's what it was, a fantasy.
Still, I do not regret dreaming-
giving in to what was probably a
delusion more than a dream
because to this day,
you are still the closest thing
to what I could dream of.

Even in dreams
I cannot escape you.
Your voice still shrieks through sleep
and your face can still be seen
throughout these dreamscapes.
What was once a method of escape
has now become a prison of
memories of a love I thought I
left behind long ago.

My dreams were clearer
without the taint of your name,
your face, memories...

4:54 PM
12/6/22

If I could turn back
time I would eliminate
the moment we met

4:51 PM
12/6/22

Sometimes
I miss the sensations,
the thrill, the palpitations,
the titillations, the adventure.
But nothing more, just that,
or so I tell myself.

We love in silence-
our love is evident in our actions.
We are the silent lovers-
we are one in the same.

If not for the you I used to know
I would have thought you
to be a monster.

There is a sunflower
in the centre of my heart
and it blossoms
in your love.

I want my poems
to fall like seeds in your mind
and sprout like flowers

6:11 PM
7/6/22

I remember the memories
you left on my plate.
To this day,
they keep me satisfied
and leave me wanting seconds.

You walked away
as if it were nothing
whereas I could not even
imagine turning my back.
I don't know if I should
envy or despise
you.

Humanity hurt each other-
they would hurt me.
Despite my cynicism,
I adored them,
I helped them.
But the hurt continued...
I don’t do that anymore.

I was not born a
leader nor a follower-
I was born to write

3:58 PM
3/6/22

You have moved on while
I am still paralyzed and
I can't move at all

11:34 PM
1/6/22

I know you
like the sun knows
the sunflowers.
Your love blossoms in this heart
and I nurture it as if it were
the last seed on Earth.

You left a hole in
my heart that I will never
dare to fill again

8:05 PM
31/5/22

Just know that there is
no place I go where you do not follow,
that there are no days that you are forgotten,
that this silence is a loud longing for you
and that the beating in this chest is
the desire to hold you again.
I close my eyes for yet another night
wondering when we will meet again.
But until then, it is in these dreams
where we will have to meet,
where this love remains eternal.

Sweet sunflower,
I watch you from afar.
Your petals wither and
all I want to do is shine light into your heart.
All alone in a bed of thorns you are-
I want to plant more like you and
nurture them as if they too were
the apple of my eye.

When did these walls I
built around myself become
a self-made prison?

4:39 PM
30/5/22

I think back
to when we first met and
compare it to where we are now...
what happened?

Dear diary;
at the end of the day,
I have no one to blame but myself
for this wall I have built
to keep everyone else
out.