I am still learning
to give what you made me feel-
love and all that's nice

19/5/22

I do not believe
that I was made for this world
nor the world for I

4:46 PM
19/5/22

How can you say you're
empty when the universe
is inside of you?

4:16 PM
18/5/22

Oh, how big you have grown,
how smart you are getting and
how creative you have become!
I could not be more proud and
these are just few of the reasons
I miss you more
with each passing day!

It's only natural
to miss the one who healed your
heart, your mind and soul

11:46 PM
15/5/22

In the end,
you either leave
because you are not loved
or you stay
because you love too much.

Have you come
to put me out of my misery
or are you going to keep pretending
to love me?

If you pray
in the same tone
you speak to me,
I can understand why
the angels don't stop
listening to you.

She wore a sunflower dress
and showered him in love and light.
She wanted to warm him
as much as her dress
warmed her.

Dreams have a way
of reuniting us with those
we have loved and lost
to the grave and to time.
Dreams have a way
of telling us they're not really gone,
but forever with us
in heart and in soul.

In dreams you call me
and I wake up each morning
smiling thanks to you

11:23 PM
13/5/22

If it were not for dreams,
how else would we escape?
There would be nothing to look forward to
each time we close our eyes
and wonder what world awaits us.
At the end of the day,
whether we feel sad,
happy, or anything in between,
we find solace in closing our eyes
as we drift into the dream world.
Sometimes we wake up with feelings
we did not know we had.
Sometimes it is good to escape
at least just for a while.

Let me mirror my sun
into your sunflower
and weave my sunlight
into your petals.

Dear diary;
Tonight,
I will once again
return to the shadows,
to hollowness and emptiness,
to nothingness.
Oh, the joy of losing myself
in the darkness of space and time,
the joy of being no one and nothing
for another night.

Even in darkness,
my shadow will torment me-
I can't outrun it

8:45 PM
13/5/22

Dear diary;
it has taken me
far too long to realize that
my biggest obstacle in life
is me, always has been,
and that hurts more than anyone ever could.
Wherever I go, whatever I do,
my shadow will follow me around-
a subtle reminder of my
mistakes, regrets and reminders
of who I used to be.
Yes, I now realize that no one
is as guilty as me when
it comes to me.

How many times can
the same thing destroy your heart?
I think I've lost count

8:34 PM
13/5/22

I do not
feel loved,
never have and I
would not know what to do
anyway.

I now realize that
my biggest problem is me-
it always has been

11:11 PM
9/5/22

It's always going
to be a beautiful day
when you're on my mind

4:18 PM
9/5/22

I have hidden from my shadow.
I cannot look it in its eyes,
the ones that only serve to scorn me.
I fear its judgement,
its cold and its fury.
I try to dwell in the light,
far away from my shadow but
the shadow learns to adapt and annihilate.
Night time comes and once again,
it's just me and my shadow.

Dear diary;
I find myself either
staying home and
wishing I had gone out or
going out and
wishing I had stayed home-
there is no in between.

You said that
I do not know you
and you do not know me.
I said I did not believe you,
that this love said otherwise.
Your hands were so familiar in mine-
a puzzle piece to complete
that perfect picture.
How can you call me a stranger
when you used to call me yours?
I still look at you as though
you are all I have ever known,
just like the way you used
to look at me
so very long
ago.

Thinking about the future
makes me anxious.
Not thinking about the future
makes me anxious.
There is no middle-ground and
we are all anxious.

We write to cleanse-
to rid these feelings from our system
whether it be the butterflies in our bellies
or the demons that lurk our minds.
There is no lying to the page-
this pen knows us better
than we know ourselves.
It takes an honest soul to
bleed onto the page,
each word a heartbeat
and a trail that follows us
through this life.

We would do anything
to avoid the goodbye.
These last few days I
am left wondering
"will I ever see you again?"
and I wonder if you ask it too.
Indeed, each day brings us closer
to not having one another
and it's eating me up inside.
What will these arms caress,
what will these lips taste
once you are gone?
Must we resort to memories
to keep ourselves alive?

If this world makes you
sad then let me be the one
to make you happy

11:08 PM
28/4/22

I am a storm-
a trail of destruction
that follows me each day.
I am the thunder,
the pain and paranoia
that goes boom in the night.
I am the black clouds-
I am my own black hole
and this anger cannot
escape.

Letting go is hard-
letting go is necessary.
It can lead to freedom but
it does not come without pain-
a small price to pay
for this peace of mind.
I am free today because I let go
and I make no regrets.

Being social can be
quite overrated, can't it?
Friday nights should be for
going for strolls somewhere new,
driving around slowly whilst
listening to your favorite tunes,
reading books, writing poetry,
sighing at memories missed
and wondering if it will
ever be that good again.

There was a sunflower
that stood alone on a hill
in the darkest of days.
Still, it lit up the field
and inspired me to write these words.
How many days had it been there,
alone yet amazing?
So lucky I was to find this hidden treasure,
its seed now planted in this heart.

You planted
sunflowers in this heart,
each one blossoming
a dream, a smile, a memory.
You touch this heart
and I am consumed
by love and
by light.

In a world
full of weeds and thorns,
there are sunflowers like you
that bring beauty and bliss
into an otherwise bleak world.
Few are so lucky to witness
these sunflowers-
Truly, I have been blessed
by your light.

There are no ordinary people-
everyone has a story to tell,
a dream to chase and a
mind unto itself.
What is your
story?

We all change,
in fact,
we are always changing.

There is no place I can go
that you will not follow
and no thought
that you can escape.
There are no days
that I forget you
for each second is spent
longing for you.

It is time to accept
that you are not coming back.
It is for the best-
I would not accept you.
What betrays me once
will surely betray me twice
and as many times
as it needs to.

It is time to accept
that you are not coming back.
It is for the best-
I would not accept you.
What betrays me once
will surely betray me twice
and as many times
as it needs to.

It is time to accept
that you are not coming back.
It is for the best-
I would not accept you.
What betrays me once
will surely betray me twice
and as many times
as it needs to.

I am messed up but
I promise to love you more
than anyone can

4:52 PM
25/4/22

Does it still hurt
when you look at me
like it hurts me?
I am trying to forget-
have you?

It is impossible to separate you
like the sun from the moon.
It still hurts to remember you,
but the memories still
brighten my days.

This darkness
has not left me alone.
It consumes me
day after day-
night after night-
a void I cannot escape.
It's like I'm dreaming
but can't wake up.

Poets are a strange bunch-
we enjoy the fall until we've hit the ground.
Sometimes we push ourselves if
for nothing but the art.
Oh, how we find that spark
in the darkness of suffering.
Indeed, what a mad bunch we are,
to find sanity in our madness
and I wouldn't have it
any other way.

I want to love and
I want to feel alive so
what's holding me back?

12:18 PM
9/4/22

Though I am lost,
I am still trying to find
my way back to who I was.
I am still out there,
somewhere,
and I believe he too is trying
to find his way back to me.

You planted sunflowers
in this heart and so gloriously they grew,
under the sun they glow,
singing your name from
dawn until dusk.

There was something
quite not right when I
last saw you-
I couldn't put my finger on it
but I could tell you weren't there-
the you I used to know.
Perhaps it were the flames
that had left your eyes or the
magic absent in your smile that
had brought forth this darkness
that shrouds us to this day.
Yes, you sowed the seeds of our demise
on that day and I was too hopeful,
too in love and too naïve
to see the signs.

You closed the door on
me and I closed the door on
everybody else

10:04 PM
6/4/22

Ah, I don't care anymore
if you still see me pouring my heart
onto the page in your name.
What more can you take from me?
I keep on writing your name
knowing that each letter
is a papercut unto this soul.