I live through moments I know will be nostalgic as they are happening. There are some moments where instead of enjoying them, I am already sad that they will end, never to experience again. Glee and gloom at the same time- nostalgia forms before the moment has even passed.
Death is tragic, but what about surviving, but they're never the same? We wait around for them to get better, never to realize that they can't get better- this is all that remains.
I never meant to make you smile or cry or remember my name. You never meant to welcome the morning sun with me, let alone, the new year and neither of us meant for any of this love or heartache.
Oh, the memories we will share forever. The unforgettable tales we will tell of our love and anarchy. Our finite time made for infinite stories and we shall share them for the rest of our lives.
It was with you where I found the courage to leave this world, to branch out into the unknown. And so you took my hand and we blasted off into the cosmos and found countless worlds and wonder. In them, I found you, I found a home, and I never looked back.
To think of you smiling makes me ecstatic, as if I could feel the joy radiating from every photograph, as if I was lucky enough to see you smile in the flesh.
There are souls so bright that, when you are in their presence, the sunflowers gravitate, the stars are outshone and the world is all the more brighter.
We all tend to love in extremes, to let our heart lead rather than our head. It is no wonder that balance has never come natural to humans- never has. We are all still trying to figure out the perfect balance between attachment and detachment.
The ache of another night realizing that these two hearts do not beat for one another. The pain of another morning yearning to wake up next to someone who cares.
We are problem-solving machines, so naturally, in the absence of real problems, we cannot help but create our own problems. Perhaps we will never be free of problems, whether real or imaginary.
Solitude is calling to me again. She calls to me on those dire nights and I always answer her siren song. She knows when I am drained, detached or drowning and will lift me from the depths in my time of need.
Does heartbreak keep track of time? Years have passed and yet the cracks will not subside. Time has a way of morphing heartbreak and grief into a loneliness- a shadow that follows me around. At least now I know that the answer is yes.
Sometimes the need to want hits me like meteor and I am knocked off course into the void of cold memories and the emptiness of loss. Once again, I am left to find my way back to my sun.
Loneliness isn't when others aren't there for you, it is when you are not there for yourself. If you cannot be there for yourself in a world of billions- that is true loneliness.
No one should be responsible for your happiness. No one should bear that pressure- not your partner, nor family, nor friends. Only you can determine it, and with that happiness, you share it with those who deserve it.
Who are you when the doors close and you're left with your shadow and silence? Who are you when no one is looking- no eyes or judgement on the way you conduct yourself for everyday life? Who are you when there are no likes, no comments and no audience? Who are you really?