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Miss Ana Jul 2017
It was the kind of heat that was so hot and sticky, you could taste the  air.

In Texas that means it tastes of *******, both kinds.

Its the kind of heat that makes you feel trapped in a room even when you are outside.

It was the kind of  heat that limits your ability to speak.

So wet and full.

It was a heat that made all kinds of clothing acceptable.

It was the kind of heat that made everyone equal.

No matter what, we all felt the heat.

It was the kind of heat that made you want to stand still.

It was the kind of heat that made people share water, then fight over shade.

It was the kind of heat that made someone understand the monologues at the beginning of old westerns, and indie movies about the south.

It was so **** hot.
It gets so hot here, people get angry because of the heat. One year there was a problem with people shooting others while driving. Explanation? It was hot, and they were angry.
Miss Ana Jul 2017
And in the end it is all the same
men are the same
women are the same
you are the exact same...
its boring
but its true
life in its stillness will never be gratifying
yet perpetual motion isn't that great either
so dramatic...
  Jun 2017 Miss Ana
Pea
I keep thinking i haven't washed my hair
My head seems to not be able to forget the grease
Maybe deep down i just want it to stay
(I washed my hair this morning
In the sink)

I keep thinking i'm doing great
That's what my therapist said too
But sometimes i wish i was dying more visibly
Sometimes i wish i made more signs
Sometimes i wish i hadn't gotten better

I don't want to stop
I want to want to stop
I don't want to stop

What?
I got nothing to show you
I got none to tell you

Remission is a weird state
Everything partial makes me uncomfortable
I just want to cling to whatever i had
Don't ****** away my ghosts
Don't ****** away
They come back anyway
Befriending me again
Miss Ana Jun 2017
1: "I'm sad."
2: "Well,why?"
1: "I'm not sure."
2: "Can I help?"
1: "You can listen."
2: "How do I fix it?"
1: "You can't."

2: "I'm sad."
1: " Well, why?"
2: "I can't fix it."
1: Can I help?"
2: "You can listen."
1: " I think I can fix it."
2:  "You can?"

1: "I'm fine.
"I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe"
Sometimes it is better to listen, than to act.
Miss Ana May 2017
I hope you never see the things I've seen
And I hope you never do what I've done
I hope you never felt what I felt
And I hope you never fall like I have
I hope you never see someone get hurt
And I hope no one ever hurts you
I hope you don't get scared
And if you do, you come to me
I hope that if you comply with any of these requests
And you aren't truly happy
I hope you break each one
And find what all they can bring.
" My mamma said there will be days like this, there will be days like this my mamma said"
Miss Ana May 2017
oh god
didn't you see?
she traded smiles for stares.
didn't you hear?
she traded laughing for heavy sighs and a wounded expression
didn't you smell?
she traded sweaty sports for 3 showers a day.
didn't you feel?
she traded hugs for nervous jumps and apologetic giggles.
didn't you taste?
her lips, they said no.
she traded everything to get back what was stolen.
when I was in high school a girl I knew (not well) was ***** at a party. no one said anything, she never admitted to it, and when asked she said it was consensual, but she changed. i hardly talked to her, but i think about lauren almost everyday. its been 5 years.
Miss Ana Apr 2017
everyday
I reflect on what I
could have said
could have done
could have used
and everyday  
I realize that I will never stop learning
and I will never get it right
but the beautiful thing about that is
its ok.
Yelling at people in public and other things I regret.
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