Miss Ana

Miss Ana Jul 2017

And in the end it is all the same
men are the same
women are the same
you are the exact same...
its boring
but its true
life in its stillness will never be gratifying
yet perpetual motion isn't that great either

so dramatic...

Jun 2017

Pea

My only friend

I keep thinking i haven't washed my hair
My head seems to not be able to forget the grease
Maybe deep down i just want it to stay
(I washed my hair this morning
In the sink)

I keep thinking i'm doing great
That's what my therapist said too
But sometimes i wish i was dying more visibly
Sometimes i wish i made more signs
Sometimes i wish i hadn't gotten better

I don't want to stop
I want to want to stop
I don't want to stop

What?
I got nothing to show you
I got none to tell you

Remission is a weird state
Everything partial makes me uncomfortable
I just want to cling to whatever i had
Don't ****** away my ghosts
Don't ****** away
They come back anyway
Befriending me again

Miss Ana Jun 2017

I want to fix it too.

1: "I'm sad."
2: "Well,why?"
1: "I'm not sure."
2: "Can I help?"
1: "You can listen."
2: "How do I fix it?"
1: "You can't."

2: "I'm sad."
1: " Well, why?"
2: "I can't fix it."
1: Can I help?"
2: "You can listen."
1: " I think I can fix it."
2: "You can?"

1: "I'm fine.

"I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe"
Sometimes it is better to listen, than to act.

#anxiety

Miss Ana May 2017

To My Daughter

I hope you never see the things I've seen
And I hope you never do what I've done
I hope you never felt what I felt
And I hope you never fall like I have
I hope you never see someone get hurt
And I hope no one ever hurts you
I hope you don't get scared
And if you do, you come to me
I hope that if you comply with any of these requests
And you aren't truly happy
I hope you break each one
And find what all they can bring.

" My mamma said there will be days like this, there will be days like this my mamma said"

Miss Ana May 2017

the five senses lauren lost.

oh god
didn't you see?
she traded smiles for stares.
didn't you hear?
she traded laughing for heavy sighs and a wounded expression
didn't you smell?
she traded sweaty sports for 3 showers a day.
didn't you feel?
she traded hugs for nervous jumps and apologetic giggles.
didn't you taste?
her lips, they said no.
she traded everything to get back what was stolen.

when I was in high school a girl I knew (not well) was ***** at a party. no one said anything, she never admitted to it, and when asked she said it was consensual, but she changed. i hardly talked to her, but i think about lauren almost everyday. its been 5 years.

#consent

Miss Ana Mar 2017

Drunk

sleepy
sad
and sticky hands
oh yeah
smelling of burning
hot
warm
heady air in the
moonlight
heavy body
falling
catching
dizzy
happy
smart
stupid
aware of the fact that I must ***
stumbling down
giggle at the less serious
and sneers at the men
following
tripping
more and
sometimes water if someone is helping out
hugging
*******
goodnight
good night.

Good nights in a feeling

#drunk

Miss Ana Feb 2017

But why are you still here?

and in the dark
he felt me
and i felt him
it was breathtaking
he held me
i floated away
he kissed me and i was gone

i was drunk but sober in his eyes
i had fallen into his arms-steady
oh, there was a smell
of bad choices left behind
he touched me and i crumbled
he loved me and I cried

I said too much and he gave it little notice
i came so quickly and left even faster
i tried to scare him but further he crawled
i told him the truth and he turned them into fiction
i gave him my hand and he asked me to marry him