My life in one flash
In one word
All I do is think about others
That's my daily thought
How will others perceive me when I do this?
It's always the main idea no matter in what language, sign, or gesture
If I say I'm going to be confident today
It usually translates to...
I'm gonna act like miley cyrus today...
I'm not gonna give a **** or I'm gonna act like I don't to gain respect from people
...see it's always about people
...why am I shaped out like this
It's like I have no way out
It's like I'm trapped in a box
With a years worth of instructions to get out
But just can't seem to figure it out...
I guess my answer was there all along
God of coarse
But it's like my faith is shaking
I don't want to down talk my God
But it's like more of a feeling of obligation than faith
It's like you feel like you have to because everyone else is telling you too
And I just need to forget everyone else
And stay in faith...
It really is like I'm trapped in a box
Like I know exactly what it takes to be confident, reasons, explanations all of that crap I know it
Like my idol is miley cyrus
Like I know that only God can judge us, and that **** the haters because they don't matter
But I have no idea to get out of my low
Like I spent all of 2014 worrying about haters...
Googling all this crap on how to forget them
And all o that
But it's like why am I still here
I am missing something
It's like I know
But I know it's something that cannot be said
It isn't another thing that I can tell myself
It's something beneath my soul
Something beyond my control
Something so abstract
But I gotta believe in something....
It's like all my life I've never truly been happy, I'm always looking for the next thing, money, clothes, and all that....but it's like I'm at a point now where I know that crap isn't gonna make me happy...and it's so ******* frightening, I feel so scared, so alone, I feel so insecure, and so like crack addict like.....I'm searching, searching, searching, for the next high or for a similar high to past happiness.....it's so frustrating when I don't achieve the high because you know I spent a whole year try na sculpt this confident miley cyrus chick....and it's frustrating that I'm still here sad, internally a wreck....it's like all this crap society talks about, the money the house, is not important, I live in a huge six bedroom house, with tons of clothes, shoes, I'm skinny, but I'm insecure, I'm not content with what I have, I guess there's something in me that believes there's more to look for...but I've run out of. Fuel. I'm a young 15 year old beautiful girl with a life of adventure ahead of her, and I don't want to be 80 years old and look back and realize how much I wasted my life....I don't...but my answer it's so unclear....like I don't know if faith will bring me to an answer or if faith is my answer....like I think that it's something I just gotta follow and I can't tell myself to have faith or to be a certain way anymore.....