In a world full of dos and donts
Full of judgemental *******
Like I'm a ******* unicorn and I'm beautiful kiss my ***
In a world that is constantly changing it's view of Beaty it's social standard
In a world where you feel an idiot for being different
For being you
For simply coming into the world as you are
No makeup, no weave, or whatever
Was your crime...
I don't get it
How cruel a society
And to brainwash it's own people
Into hating one another
Based on gender, hair, skin color, occupation...
How ******* rude
How preposterous
...like ***
I'm a beautiful young black girl
And again I'm beautiful
For a fact
According to society and half the world
...I'm not
I need to bleach, I can't talk "black", I'm a hood rat, I'm ugly...like **** that
I'm beautiful
Just as I am..
And there's nothing wrong with me
God makes no mistakes
This is me
I was born this way
And I'll die this way
What am I gonna make matter
Like all those trash talkers
Haters
Hate on you but don't give a **** about your ***
It's crazy why acknowledge the person anyway
Like our world is ****** up

My name is....
I'm 15 years old going on 16
I don't exactly live for anything
...I mean I live for people
But I'm not proud of it...
It's like I feel a burst of excitement when I'm excepted...
And it's terrible
...insecurity is ******* terrible
....it's like being stabbed with 50 knives
It's like wanting everything and getting nothing
...terrible analysis but whatevs
...but I crave myself
I crave my love
..and I'm not getting it
What's wrong with me where is the love
My nails are black
My weaves in tight
I'm skinny as ****
I've starved myself
I've read confident articles
My idol is miley ******* cyrus
I've had faith
...now what
Where the hell am I
Who the hell am I ...
I have no idea
And why the hell do I fear myself
Ppl
And this whole entire world
I hide.....
In my little comfort bubble
With my mouth to bite my nails
Pretending to be occupied
Away from awkwardness
**** this
**** me...
What and who am I
Cuz I'm not living for me
...I'm living and dying a terrible terrible deed....

It's like
New York was and is this big *** ******* hole
And As I entered I saw no light
.....and I still see no light
I physically see no light
But the light is in the galaxies
It's in my destiny
You see
It's hell to me physically right now
And it's hard
...but right now the light is a simple bliss
It's within
And if I flourish it
And believe in it
...than maybe
Just maybe will that light come to life
And maybe will my tomorrow be a bit brighter
...mmmhhh

A blessing in disguise
A breath of fresh brittle *** dry *** ****** air
It's like refreshing to know of hope
...to know that you're gonna be ok in the long run
But you don't know my mind
..it won't **** the ******* hell up
It's telling me to just think about every single problem in my life...
All I see is wrong because of that
All I see are people judging me
White people staring at me from the cars, in the hallways
....I begin to believe what they see
A criminal...
And ....
I'm gonna make something outta this little mess
...I read this thing on twitter
Where it was like you get so caught up in your mess and you continue to make more mess
And when it's all said and done you look back and feel hopeless as **** because ur mess is ******* huge
...if that makes sense
But I'm sick and tired of npbeimg sick and tired
...I'm tired of the same ******* story every day
...this is my new beggining

Body
A single glance I'm my rummy Tum Tum
Kills me
Idk if it's me being disgusted with my flaky, dull, black skin
Or am I ashamed of my entire existence
When I look in the mirror
I try to keep a serious mind
But truth is....you see what you see
And I see.....
Truth is I do see beauty
I see half societal Beauty and I see a scared girl
....when I look in the mirror I look scared af
And I don't like to look scared or weak
Especially to the white man or anyone else
It's like I fear
...my whole life
I fear that I may never truly find my happiness
I fear not being good enough for myself
And I fear that my story will never change
And I'm growing weary of myself
It's like I wake up
And it's like I live the same day over and over
I feel the same way
I see my dry flaky skin, my flaws
...and I pretend not to cringe
I pretend...
And that's my problem
I crave poetry...I just want to vent and write ******* entries
But apart of me is pulling me away
...you see my poems
Are my story
Their not beautiful to me
Their not abstract
It's the same story being told
And I've felt this way for a long *** time
And I'm done
I'm done hating myself

It's like. Y little world right now
Is like....orbital ******* notation
It revolves around ****
And it realizes what it's doing
It has little *******
And it gets so lost in the good feeling
It loses it's valence electrons
And I guess I'm waiting for that **** to be gained back
....cuz like in chem we learned that yes electrons
A piece of you will be lost or get lost in infinity in air
In life this inevitable circumstance were in
We'll lose ourselves, and well feel like we don't belong
Like we don't coexist
But I guess the valence electron that I gained back
Is abstract
Valence electrons are abstract
Their there....scientifically proven
Also if you chose to believe
Choose to believe that you have a purpose beyond life
Your personal purpose
And be angry
Be sad
Be miserable in your little infinite inevitable moments....
But remember that it's all apart of life
My life right now
Is anxiety
But also laughter
It's fear
But also love
It's insecurity
But also content
You see I think I pave learned a little in my journey
That life isn't this one thing
It's not a mission to be chased
There's no perfect model of life
There's the bible, there's your God, and there's your life
And that's it
The choice is up to you
In which who your gonna be
It's like i know not easy and it's especially far from not easy for me
As we speak
I feel an obligation to write this crap
Poetry is an escape, it's beautiful, but also I feel like it's the enemy for me
It's like I have to confront my reality sorta thing
...but I made up my mind
And I know that don't mean ****
But I want to focus on more....other **** than my problems
Than what's going wrong
Than how bad I feel or have felt
I want to focus on me
And I want....
I want it all

When i look in the mirror
...i see a scared girl
...i see a girl brainwashed by society
wanting to escape
i see a ******* scared girl
surrounding herself with poetry and quotes....
thats all she wants to hear is how.....
how she can get here...in a mater of seconds
she wants to get from point A to point B
in 2 seconds...
shes so scared of the in bettween
she fears it....
she also sees
an ugly hideous beast...
looking through the societyscope
she sees an ugly *** monster
with thin eyebrows
ugly feet
ugly hair
bad skin
she sees all wrong
...because society sees all wrong
..she knows deep down that she has the tools to love herself
....but shes so brainwashed
from all those years and her surroundings
...she wakes up every morning
dreading the day ahead
fearing fear
insecurity
....she attends an al white school
meaning a building full of people believing that their way is the only way
...and she feels alone because according to society
..their right
so how does she gt out of that
...how can she love herself
when the world is telling her
that shes worthless because shes not the ideal
easier said than done
....how