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He used to drink orange juice
out of cups that curved,
like his smile used to,
licking droplets of orange sun
off of his lips;
sun beams,
that shined from his face,
and his eyes,
which was unfair
because he knew;
I'm telling you,
he knew,
that summer was my favorite time of year.
And when the sun hit me,
like a thousand arrows,
from the bow of Heartbreak,
that I would think of him
and his orange juice cup.
And question all the reseons he sent me letters
with different stamps,
always scribbled in black lines,
like his pupils,
when I let him see through the jail bars of my soul,
and I asked him,
no,
I begged him to leave me cuffed to the wall,
with no food or water,
starving my desire to love again,
knowing that if I devoured every word,
every sound,
and memory,
of trembling hands on first dates,
leaning in to kiss me,
with lips and fists at the nape of my neck,
clinging to me like feathers;
with every single intake of breath,
and caterpillars that wrapped themselves in silk,
and waited for days and nights to pass,
until finally,
they spread their wings to reveal Picasso's paintings,
that I would eventually die of starvation,
as the words ran out,
and the kisses became short,
and the butterflies died...
He knew.
He knew that I loved summer;
and the drops of orange juice on his lips.
 Oct 2013 miki
Shang
"listen to me!" his mother said
"If I see one more tear, you'll never see her again!"

the five year old boy's cheeks
still flushed
his eyes swelling like
a pop-knot
they are ****** red
his chest will surely
explode from the tension
any moment now

he clenches the tube of
ointment in his front pocket
of the new pair of jeans
his grandma bought him
on the way back from
North Carolina

the young boy wipes his eyes,
rubs the bald spots on his head,
noticing his last eyelash has fallen on
the last tear running down his
face

his grandma holds him tight, she says:
"I love you. I'll be back soon."

he can feel his mother's
needle-worn arms pulling him away.
he can smell her morphine sweat.
he can taste her oxycontin breath.

despite watching his grandmother
close the door of her 1990
green Beretta and drive
off Walnut Street and
down Oakford Ave--
the little boy
never cried
again.
(C) Shang
 Oct 2013 miki
xxxx
She's gone
 Oct 2013 miki
xxxx
They took over

Who?

Depression
anxiety
self hatred


They all took over

Her mind
Her body
Her soul

She maybe alive
But deep down
She's not
She's gone
/drdc/
 Oct 2013 miki
Lily Mae
I've never been
or ever will be
worth the risk
 Sep 2013 miki
ghostlings
shedding
 Sep 2013 miki
ghostlings
I'm sitting at home watching TV mindlessly, but something isn't right
the walls- it's as if they are closing in on me.
my breathing begins to quicken
"I need to get out of here."

waking out the door i think,
"maybe some fresh air might help? there are no walls out here"
but it doesn't; it only gets worse
my chest tightens- i need to get home fast

back in the confines of my home, i run to my room
my head is pounding, i can barely breathe properly
why is this happening?
the walls are closing in again
everything feel tight, like I'm trapped in my own skin-
my body itches and burns
and my lungs can't take in enough air
and someone is screaming inside my mind except there is no sound

i want it all to stop

but my SKIN, oh god my skin
I'm writhing and scratching but the itch won't stop
if this keeps on I'm going to go insane
it's like I'm covered in grime- like i need to shed this layer of skin

i can barely think straight
everything is too loud and silent and tight and
i need to wash this feeling off of me

i run to the bathroom and turn on the water
but the sound of my mind or lack thereof is louder than the sound of the water and i need something to drown it out-
my stereo.
i run back to my room to get it and my phone
and plug the two up
i strip off my clothes, scratching at my arms and legs and step into the shower

****!

i stand there for a minute- the water burns my skin but it still itches
so i begin to scrub my body- every inch
the music is blaring and i can barely hear my mind anymore
the stream is thick and my lungs begin to relax
but my skin
my skin won't stop itching and burning
like thousands of microscopic things are crawling on me
no matter how hard i scrub
it
won't
stop

i scream as i turn the water even higher-
the music is deafening at this point-
I'm frantically scrubbing my arms, chest, legs, back, neck, everywhere
like I'm scrubbing away old heartaches and embarrassments and stresses and worries
scrubbing away e v e r y t h i n g
i don't stop until my limbs are bright red, my fingers burning from gripping the wash cloth so tight
I'm shaking
the water has cooled down some, and i let it run over my body, facing the shower head and slowly turning around

after what seems like hours the water is freezing
and the music has stopped long ago;
my mind is silent
my breathing is normal
and i can bare living in my own skin again.
i turn off the water and step out the shower, wrapping myself in a towel
I'm clean, maybe not spotless, but clean, for now
I would refer to sadness as the ocean.
Huge, murky waves crashing
down.
And if sadness was the ocean,
then I am the beach.
Pounded relentlessly.
Walked on by thousands of feet.
There are bits of broken sea glass hiding under my surface.
Poking out once in awhile to reveal my cold insides.
The sand is something people love to flock to,
to confide in.
They whisper secretly to each other when the moon hangs low.
They smile brightly and play in the shallows of sadness.
But they are never fully submerged like I am.
Molecules of water from all over the world float to me, bringing me their tragedies.
I listen to them.
To the mother who lost her son in the war.
To the husband who lost his wife in the airplane.
To the children who have been used lustfully by others.
The whole ocean, is sadness.
And I..
Well I am the beach.
I think we're all flowers.
Some of us are pretty,
some of us resemble more of a ****.
And the weeds envy the roses because they're so beautiful
and the roses envy the weeds because they can grow wherever they please.
But no matter if you're a rose or a dandelion..
We all get trampled on by somebody.
 Sep 2013 miki
Tamanna
SISTER
 Sep 2013 miki
Tamanna
how dare you?
how dare you shove your maple syrup words down my throat,
telling me what i should do with my black hole of a future?
how dare you neglect every thought my mind has ever had,
erasing and replacing them with yours?
how dare you force me to live in your shadow,
no matter how dark it may be?
has it ever crossed your mind that i don't want to be a shadow,
but my own sun?

the title of being a sun is all i have ever yearned for
in my sixteen years of being the moon.
i dream of my utopia:
i'd be the sun casting the darkest of shadows on you,
forcing you to swallow my words like cough syrup,
pouring every ounce of pain and jealousy from being your younger sister,
onto you.

and now that you're gone,
i regret not absorbing every detail like a sponge,
i promise i'll be better...

i want you to shove words down my throat until they reach the pit of my stomach,
i want you to take me into my blurry future
until it becomes crystal clear and i can see my reflection from miles away,
i want you to reject all my new ideas
(they're all probably wrong anyways),
and i want you to remain the sun,
for i am the moon,
who's light is all borrowed from you.

but now i'm stuck writing useless words miles away from you,
hoping you'll read them,
and understand all the pain you've inflicted on me,
take heed of  all the visible scars that you casted on my mind,
realize all the guilt and agony that has been lingering around my heart,
because once you left our house,
you never once left my mind.
Your blue eyes are the ocean,
and I drowned myself at sea.

Your smile is as bright as snow,
so I freeze to death in winter.

And your kisses taste like cigarettes,
so now I'm addicted to smoking.
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